I’ve got a six week old baby. My husband, in the last week or so, has been trying to convince me have another baby. As soon as possible. Like, RIGHT NOW. I’m unsure, but not totally opposed. On the one hand, I’m 33, so if I’m going to have another child, it would be better to do it sooner than later. My husband also thinks it would be good to have two children close in age so they can play together when they are older, which I suppose would be good. On the other hand (assuming I agreed and got pregnant within the next three months or so), I worry that it will be harmful to my health to have another pregnancy very close after the last one. And I worry that having a child around one and a newborn at the same time will be utterly exhausting. I’d like other opinions/experiences with closely spaced pregnancies, both positive and negative.
Just say HELL NO.
Channeling the mother of my 6 godchildren right now. =)
Think how much work one is…feeding, diaper duty, learning to walk, learning to run at light speed for the nearest danger, getting sick and yarping all over at 0200, the cost of toys, diapers, clothing, medications, now double it.
Just as you get one onto real food mush, the new one needs milk/formula/teat. Just as one is getting mostly housebroken, the other still needs diapers, just as one is starting to toddle, the other is running away at light speed for the nearest open flame. Schlepping 2 sprouts that dont dependably walk or behave to and from the car, controlling them both while strapping them into the kid seats. Where is daddy in all this? there are a lot of day to day things that need you to control both kids, leaving you no free arms/hands for whatever you need to do. Do you have a nanny-equivalent to help out? Ever tried shoppig with 2 infants? Do you intend to not leave the house and let hubby do all the grocery shoping? Is he willing to bail out on his routine saturday mornings to pack the sprouts into the car, get 2 carts and do the weekly grocery shopping with you? Is hubby going to heavily participate in taking care of the additional infant?
Her suggestion is 3 years apart…that way you get somewhat of a break from infant care. She would have loved to NOT have the last 2 pop out almost exactly 1 year apart…
And take a look at our physiology…frequently nursing an infant supresses the bodies ability to get pregnant again immediately so if you follow the ‘natural’ pattern of nursing exclusively for the first 6-9 months before integrating solid foods, it might signify that you really arent supposed to get pregnant again immediately…and fergoshsakes ask your doctor…will it really kill the play plan to wait 1 year between pregnancies? my brother was 2 years older than I was, and we played together just fine. My cousins have me bracketted, one 2 years older, one my age and 1 2 years younger and we all played together=)
Your body, your health, your choice…just look at the amount of work you have now, and imagine doing it while 7 months preggers…and imagine doing it all over again with a second kid around…do you really want to handle double the diapers, double the feedings, half the sleep?
The cons of it, I think , are you have #1 to do everything with and all to yourself. If you wait the standard 3 years before #2 comes along, it causes some rather bent noses in #1. And regression in toilet training. and when you try to get a 3 year old down for a nap at the same time as a 6 month old, it ain’t gonna happen, so mama has no time to herself at all, because the older child gloms on to mama and her free time.
If your kids are too close together ( I have a cousin that got pregnant 4 months after #1 was born) the boys play together nicely, but #2 has alot of health issues ( asthma, mainly.) no one else in the fmaily has it.
You can usually have a year or so of same nap times schedules. Unless you have my kids who give up naps at about 2-2.5. They are atomic powered and I am fueled by coffee.
My kids are 20 months apart and they play together exceptionally well and have their moments of full scale retribution, which is always at the end of the day. I have been truly blessed with most excellent kids.
When #2 was born I was still in the rhythm of waking up at night and diaper duty so one more to the process wasn’t a problem and I didn’t get use to an all night sleep. I never had the temper tantrum problems ever with #1 .
33 is not old at all. (Too me, anything after 43 is old for kid bearing.) As Mr. Ujest just had a vasectomy last week because of one of those fun little things of a pregnancy scare , I told him that I have no problems with more kids. Kids. If we had one more, our #2 would be 5 when it was born and that is a big gap. So I would have a fourth quickly so #3 and #4 could be their own playmates.
Follow your own gut instinct. If you are pressured into another baby, it will cause resentment down the line somewhere.
Body-strength wise, doctors now say that it takes a little more than two years to completely recover from a pregnancy and nursing–for you to store up all those vitamins and so on. However, if you’re only going to have two children, this isn’t nearly so much of a concern as it is if you’re going to try to have several (I know one woman who as a baby nearly every year, I can’t understand why she hasn’t dropped dead of exhaustion yet, I think she’s up to seven. Her husband says he’s not going to let her do it again soon, though.).
How did your first pregnancy go? I produce huge children that have to be born by c-section, and therefore need to wait at least two years, so that everything can heal up and my stomach muscles can regain some strength. (I mean, I could not wait, but it wouldn’t be a good idea.) I know another woman who produces small babies. She had two in quick succession and never quit nursing–she’s thin enough to look like she could break in a strong breeze, but is in fact doing fine.
Lots of people love having two close together, I prefer to do it a few years apart–but I’m younger. My SIL is planning to have then close because she’s older, and my best friend, who is the queen of unintended pregancies in new and interesting ways, is going to have two that are 14 months apart. At first she was taken aback, but is now pretty happy with the situation.
I would certainly not recommend starting now, but waiting until the current baby is at least 5-6 months old if you’re going to do this. Having children 10-12 months apart is tremendously tiring. Even a few months’ wait can help.
Good luck with your decision. Make sure you’re happy with it!!
A friend of mine is 14 months younger than his sister. He has to be really careful with his teeth. See, when his mom got preggers with him there wasn’t enough calcium in her body, so while his teeth are “normal” and everything, they are really prone to cavities and other problems.
Plus if you’re pregnant and the baby needs calcium, your body will take it out of your bones if it has to. Even in the days of prenatal vitamins I can’t see how having another baby this soon wouldn’t be detrimental to your bones.
Also I’d like to point out that having a sibling close in age is no guarantee that they will play together OR be friendly as they get older. Oh, they’ll have to play together in their younger years, but as soon as school starts they may have their own circle of friends and totally different interests. There is less than 2 years between my husband and his brother. They are night and day, never played with each other after age 5 or so and they aren’t close today. The sole reason my brother in law was born is so my DH wouldn’t be lonely. Heh. Go figure.
I am not a mother, but my mother had her first four within three years of each other. She says it was the happiest time of her life, and if she hadn’t been derailed by cancer when she was pregnant with me, I’m sure there would’ve been many more. Altogether, my mother had 7 babies in 6 years. There were two sets of twins, one set was born prematurely and died, however, so there’s a 3 year gap between me and my next oldest siblings. It’s true that being close in age doesn’t gaurantee your children will be close later on, but it has worked that way in my family.
She says that she never had any trouble with pregnancy or birth, being totally healthy throughout. And I can attest to the fact that between them my 3 sisters have given birth 10 times without so much as an epidural, and with no problems having their babies close together.
Personally, I’d rather get the diapering and stuff done all at once, rather than spread it out over 6 years, which is about what it would be if you have them 3 years apart. The down side might be that you’d be looking at having them both in college at the same time.
StG
There’s a year and 6 days between my sister and me. My mother says she thinks it was more exhausting than twins because we were at different stages but we were both still needy babies.
My sister and I never played well together and we were not/are not good friends.
I’ve got a 5 year gap between my kids and while it worked well when my youngest was a baby it’s becoming more and more of a pain as the eldest ages. I didn’t plan such a big gap but that’s how it worked out with fertility issues.
Finally I don’t think there’s any one right way. Personally I couldn’t imagine spending the first year of my baby’s life pregnant but then I have difficult pregnancies. Possibly if I were one of those people who enjoyed pregnancy I might be more positive about it.
Don’t think that #1 will feel less resentment at a newcomer if they’re younger. They’ll just have fewer social skills to help them deal with it. Even if #1 adjusts quickly, you’re going to spend at least two years protecting the baby from the toddler. Of course, you always have to protect things from toddlers, so that would just be one more thing that they can’t be trusted to treat gently and thoughtfully.
My youngest are about 15 months apart. They were intensely competative as boys and while they are close, it could be tiring at times. It hasn’t completely gone away, but now that they’re in their twenties, they have a handle on it.
I don’t know about having pregnancies close together, but 33 isn’t too old to have children! My mom had me when she was 36, and my little brother when she was 42. We’ve both turned out rather well, I guess, except my dad says it’s like having two only children–we never really played with each other, and now that I am seventeen and he is ten, we have nothing in common. We don’t fight, but we don’t hang out together.
So is he really interested in your health the health of the fetus so soon after giving birth? Remember it is your body, and other than a teaspoon of excitement from your husband, the health of a developing fetus will be contingent upon your health - physical and emotional.
So he thinks you will be an old hag at 34?
Buy a dog. Get your husband to teach it so by the time your current child is old enough to appreciate the pet. Perhaps your husband will appreciate all the work that goes into raising an infant.
So it took this long in your post to starting thinking about yourself, your health, and the health of another fetus soon soon after giving birth, eh?
Well, I will offer a partial apology for being a bit harsh in my post thus far. But to be brutally frank, it appears your husband wants you to be his baby factory with no consideration for you or the children.
Don’t you think that’s a bit much to assume from the small amount of information posted? :dubious:
My kids are 12 months 3 weeks apart. My first was adopted, so it wasn’t too pregnancies.
Pros:
They play great together
They are at the same stages at about the same time - i.e. both were happy with the Children’s Museum or the Carosel at the same time, both will be Roller Coaster and PG movie age at the same time.
I don’t worry too much about the older watching tv inappropriate for the younger. We read the same books.
Easy easy hand me downs (although I have one of each gender - the aggressively boy stuff doesn’t pass down well).
There was no sibling rivalry with a new baby. Possibly that has a lot to do with my son’s disposition, but he was really too young to understand too much and adapted to the change really easily.
Cons:
I never really had time to enjoy my son before I was pregnant with my daughter.
I never got to enjoy my pregnancy with my daughter as I had a baby to take care of.
I spent two years plus completely exhausted. I didn’t sleep through the night for over two years. I was a living zombie.
The diaper bill was hellish.
Two kids in the infant room at daycare is currently $500 a week.
Others (not necessarily pro or con):
With two near the same age, the temptation to make comparisions is overwhelming…is my son slow - he doesn’t talk (no, I’m comparing him to lil’ miss verbal). Is my daughter too spoiled - he never threw tantrums like she does (no, she is just very emotional - and he is very balanced for a five year old).
To the pregnancy point - I have cousins about fourteen months apart, my husband is fifteen months older than his brother, his cousins are ten (!) months apart. Women used to pop out babies regularly (course women used to die in childbirth with some frequency as well). My body never sprung back after my pregnancy - if I was waiting for it to do so, I’d still be waiting. I am assuming you won’t breastfeed - its very difficult for baby, fetus and mom to have one nursing and one in utero - Its also somewhat harder to get pregnant.
I wouldn’t have planned it this way (in fact, I didn’t - can you say surprise!). And, while I wouldn’t trade my kids for the world, I wouldn’t recommend doing it again. I think Primaflora’s mom is right - twins would have been easier. Imagine having a baby at your breast while your toddler scales the kitchen. Sitting next to the potty reading to the two year old, hoping the poop comes, while the fourteen month old discovers stairs!
Duckster have you had a bad experience with a similar situation?
You seem to have some … um, issues.
My mother had her first two 1 year and 10 days apart, and the third about 15 months later. She actually potty-trained the first one at 10 months (!) because she refused to have two in diapers at the same time. The first three were close when they were young, but not at all now that they’re supposedly adults.
Then she had #4 three years later, and #5 (me) 9 years later. So she says it was like having a family of 4 kids, and then an only child. My sisters were moving out of the house and having kids of their own before I was even in school. Mom preferred the closely spaced plan, rather than nearly 35 solid years of child-rearing.
If I had my way, I’d have mine close together. My tot is almost 3 now, and I’m planning to have another. (I’m also 33, and I don’t care to be dealing with teenagers when I’m pushing 60, so I figure I’d better get moving.)
Just as I’ll get #1 potty-trained, I’ll get to start all over again with the diapers. (What, five or six straight YEARS of changing diapers? I could live without that.) I’ve already been through one round of bottles, and retired them. My maternity clothes have already gone the donation route, so I’ll have to start all over there, too. And the worst part is, GypsyTot is so used to being the center of attention that I don’t suspect he’ll appreciate any intrusion on his little universe. (Yeah, I spoiled him a bit, so that’s probably my fault.) I think it would have been easier on him if I’d had another when he was only a year and a half or so. Now this little kid’s world is going to turn upside-down.
On the flip-side, my body had a chance to recover back to normal after my pregnancy; my mom pretty much spent three years being pregnant, so her body never got a chance to bounce back. I don’t know if this is typical, but her stretch marks are horrendous, along with breast and abdominal sagginess, while my body doesn’t show any signs of ever having had a child.
My sister and brother are 16 months apart. They played together as children, but only out of necessity. There just weren’t that many kids their age in our neighborhood. Then I came along to disrupt things as is my specialty. I’m almost six years younger than my sister so about seven and a half from my brother. My sister and I were never close when we were little. No, instead my brother and I ganged up on her, she being the middle child.
My oldest sister, 18 years my senior, has three kids. The oldest is a girl, then a boy three years younger, and then a girl three years from him. They all play together remarkably well for their ages: 8, 5 and 2.
-Lil
My husband and his brother are a year apart. My husband really regrets this, because when they were adolescents, they were so close that they were rivals for friends, girls and in sports. This was further exacerbated because my husband, the youngest, grew bigger than his older brother. To this day they have a strained relationship.
All of that could have probably been overcome by more guidance from their parents, but it’s something you may want to consider if you’re going to have kids very close in age.
FWIW, even with his own experiences, my husband got the baby bug again when our son was just a few weeks old. I think just the joy of having a new baby gives a lot of people the “let’s do it again” urge, to some extent. We got over it when our baby started moving around on his own and tearing the house up. Just today, when we were trying to have a relaxing Mother’s Day breakfast and the restaurant was out of highchairs - and we had to move EVERYTHING off the table because our son was lunging for all the shiny stuff, we had second thoughts about trying again until this one turns 20. (I’m almost 32 and my husband is 36)
If your biggest concern is the health aspect of another pregnancy so soon, wouldn’t your doctor be able to better advise you, knowing your personal history and all that? I’ve known some women who seemed built to manufacture healthy babies like they were gumballs popping out of a machine, while others have horrid pregnancies that wreak an astounding amount of havoc on them. My best friend lost so much calcium from having four in six years that her teeth were basically wrecked. Might have happened eventually anyway, but her doctor and dentist agree that the successive pregnancies definitely contributed. Now that her kids are 11, 9, 7 and 6 years old, she’s glad about the spacing, they’ve shared developmental phases/toys/clothes, have always had each other as playmates and have great social skills and make friends with other kids very easily, presumably from having to get along with one another.
If #1 left you in reasonably good condition and you keep on top of the healthy eating habits plus pre-natal vitamins, a close second pregnancy shouldn’t be an issue, right?
Well, I took the post at face value. Of course, there is little to go on in the OP. However, since most of the OP stated was pretty much centered around what the husband wants and not so much with the wife who will carry the child wants, I detected something out of balance. I saw nothing in the OP about “we thought” or “we discussed.”
The issues you bring up Abbie are not mine. If producing and raising kids is a mom and pop scenario, I don’t see it in the OP. Granted, I will give the benefit of the doubt and apologize to the OP that she may have not accurately and fairly stated the issue, and thus gave most of the decision-making to her husband and not as equally shared as might be the case.
It’s up to me, ultimately. He can’t force me to have a child… do you think he’d swap my birth control for blanks, or something? And then lock me in the attic when I got pregnant? I don’t really know what I want yet. If it was all up to him, why would I even ask the question?
My two are three years and two weeks apart. It definitely was the right decision for us. The older one ADORES her baby sister. Plus, she can walk, follow directions, go to preschool, etc. Most importantly, she can wait 5 minutes if I am busy with the baby, which she definitely couldn’t have done at two. She was a very, very intense toddler and there’s no way I could have handled her and a newborn. I would have never left the house.
I am not too worried about them being “playmates”. I figure they will have their own friends, likes, dislikes, etc. I do hope that when they get older (20s+) they will be close but that is more up to them than me.
Do what’s best for your family and enjoy that new baby, they grow up so fast 
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