New mommies over 35 - tell me about it...

In My Humble Opinion
1

Hubby and I had a wonderful heart to heart last night and we have tentatively decided, if things line up, we are going to try to have another baby. Our daughter will be eight, so there will be a number of years between them, but we think it will work okay.

Anyway moms, I will be 35 this spring, so I am officially at “that” age. I will be in fantastic shape physically, (better than I was the first time).

Any tips, stories, surprises? I know everybody is different and every pregnancy is different.

2

I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised.

I had my first (girl) at 28 and my second (boy) at 37. They’re 11 and 2 now. The second time around has been a lot easier mostly, I think, because I’m a lot calmer as a mom. There’s less of that new parent anxiety and unrealistic idealism which gives you more time to relax and enjoy everything.

Expect extra tests (and testing options) because now you’re of “advanced maternal age” so there are additional things to worry about. Take your experiences with #1 into consideration…if you co-slept with #1 and never used a crib, you probably shouldn’t commit to a new crib for #2 (like me). You’ll still end up with too many blankets and onesies. Babygear is even more expensive. Target and Old Navy have great maternity basics. Other than that, it’s pretty much the same.

I was definitely more tired and more annoyed during pregnancy #2 but that may just be me…I wasn’t all that fond of being pregnant the first time around but at least then it was new and interesting.

One big consideration is your daughter, do try to involve her in it as much as possible once you tell her. It’s a pretty big shock to a 9 year-old only child to suddenly have a screaming sibling taking up all of mom and dad’s time.

My husband was traveling extensively when I was pregnant so my daughter was the first one (other than me, obvs.) to feel him move and she was home sick from school the day I had my CVS so she got to go and see the first ultrasound…it helped make it real for her before he actually arrived. Plus I made an effort to do some special things (a mini season to the local theater for just her and I, regular movie nights with her pals, etc.) while also explaining we were going to be able to do this again, it just might be awhile once the baby was around. And then make good on that. It’s surprisingly easy to take a couple of kids and a nursing infant to the 10am showing of the kids movie that’s been out for three weeks.

Good luck and have fun!

3

I had my first daughter when I was 25, my second when I was 30, and my third, not 'til I was 38. My third pregnancy was definitely harder than my first two (which I pretty much breezed through once I passed the ‘first-trimester nausea’ thing). With my third, my blood pressure soared, and the doc put my on partial bedrest. In this respect, it was a very good thing that my other kids weren’t younger. I honestly don’t know how mothers with very young children manage to function while on bedrest.

The whole parenting thing has been great, though. I definitely had more patience with number three, have been more laid-back, etc. (Truth be told, I’ve also been more indulgent, but that may have more to do with us being more financially secure). While I was pregnant with the last one, everyone kept saying “Oh, having a baby at this age will keep you young!” Well, I don’t know about that. She certainly has kept me entertained, though. :wink:

She’s 10 now, btw.

4

Guy’s perspective here . . .

My wife and I had our first child in our early thirties and the second and third arrived in our mid-to-late thirties.

As mentioned, there will be more tests, and the medical folks you talk to will throw all kinds of terrible scenarios at you. Try not to worry about these too much, but still take them into account. My wife’s last pregnancy was particularly difficult for me on an emotional level because every time I turned around it seemed like there was a new potential problem they wanted me to think about instead of sleeping at night. Fortunately things worked out just fine, but it’s really amazing I didn’t have a nervous breakdown.

Also, my wife seemed worse in terms of moodiness and the like with each pregnancy.

It took somewhat longer for my wife to recover from delivery number three than it did with delivery number one. Of course, each pregnancy was more difficult for her. How much of that was strictly due to age and how much to other factors, I don’t know.

All in all, things were generally more difficult with the late-thirties pregnancy than the late-twenties/early-thirties pregnancy. But I sure do love all my children, and I find the stress Mrs. Gil-Martin and I endured to be well worth it. I’m glad we went through this together, but I’m not sure I’d want to go through it again.

Pregnancy issues aside, I find parenting to be much easier now that I’m on the cusp of forty. I don’t have as much energy as I used to, but I have enough to keep up with the little ones, and something about having an older guy’s perspective on things helps me deal with the inevitable, um, inconveniences and difficulties of parenting better than I did when I started this adventure a decade ago.

I wish you and your husband much luck with your family. God bless.

Oh, and I almost forgot . . . having an eight-year-old helper will make things much easier around the house, too. :slight_smile:

5

These are reassuring, thanks. I’ll be 35 in March and haven’t had any children. I definitely want to have children, it’s just never been the right time (or, till now, the right man). Hopefully within the next two or so years.

6

I’m 36 years old and 16 weeks pregnant with #2. My son just turned 6. I essentially breezed through my first pregnancy with little issue. The only thing that has been remarkably different this time around was severe fatigue. Every day during the first 10 weeks around 3 PM the Boy got to do whatever the heck he wanted in my house while I crashed on the couch for about an hour. Luckily he’s a good kid and did little more than watch Scooby Doo, color, play his little handheld game, follow the dog around, etc. but my body literally SHUT DOWN every day at 3 and there was nothing I could do about it. It’s not like I felt wonderful and refreshed after laying down, either, it felt like a hangover for hours afterward in which I would muddle through dinner, playtime with the Boy, catching up with the hubby, chatting with a neighbor until I could go to bed for the night.

7

I was 39 when I finally stayed pregnant for the first time ever and gave birth at 40. I was also high risk due to a blood clotting disorder. I had tons of monitoring because of that and still managed to have a fairly uneventful pregnancy.

My son is now turning 2 and running me in circles but that has less to do with age and more to do with living in todllerland. We’re having a blast.

8

We’ve adopted so I cant comment on pregnancy or early infant states, particularly given I’m the male half.

What I can say is we feel far more prepared as older parents than if it had happened 10 years or more ago. There is the odd bit of creaking but other than that Im pretty sure Im more patient, more able to handle surprises, more willing to learn off others etc etc.

My youngest sister was 8 years younger than me and it was a big difference at times but we get on very well as adults if thats any help.

Otara

9

Strictly anecdotal story about a first pregnancy after 35: I had a friend in high school named Richard. He was adopted, as an infant, because his parents were unable to conceive.

When Richard was a Junior in HS, age 16, his mother started presenting with strange symptoms that she chalked up to the onset of menopause (she was 38; that’s young to start, but not too young, especially if her mother started early). Finally, after months of tolerating these symptoms, she went to the doctor because of the symptom that bothered her the most: her inability to lose weight no matter what she did. Yep, she was pregnant. Not only was she pregnant, but she was only maybe two months from delivery. She told the doctor (in shock) “But I can’t get pregnant!” The doc said “Well, apparently you can now!”

By this time, of course, it was too late to consider doing anything but delivering the baby. A couple of months later, having had no medical care up to her third trimester, she gave birth to a healthy baby boy.

I haven’t talked to Richard in many years, but I was in touch with him up until he was maybe 21 or 22, and at that point, his little brother was still fine. :slight_smile:

10

It’s really our own fault that we have waited until now, I would have preferred for Daby to be closer in age to her potential sibling, but it never was the right time, so we waited, and waited…

This past weekend we have a great talk about it and basically decided that in the Spring we need to decide one way or the other, and we are leaning toward having another baby…

11

Yeah. For us, it was a matter of the idea that for years, we both said “No more babies; two is plenty, thanks!” Then, finally, when I was 36, I said to hubby, “You know, if we’re really not going to have any more babies, one of us should do something permanent. This birth control stuff is getting old!” and he just looked at me, and then said “But. . .that would mean I’ll never have a son”. I said “What are you trying to say, buddy?” He replied, “well, we could try one more time for a boy, couldn’t we?” For a minute, I only stared at him. I said “Do you know how old I am? I could show you my driver’s license, if necessary”, but in the end, I kind of caved. It took me a lot longer to get pregnant with the third one, too, and I’m pretty sure that was age-related. The first two only took a matter of weeks (OK, to be perfectly honest, the first one only took a matter of using the ‘sponge’ instead of the pill. . .but seriously, with the second one, we were actively trying, and it took about three weeks; the third one took almost 8 months to conceive, and we ended up using fertility-prediction kits to hit it that quickly!)

Obviously, I’m glad I had her. She’s not a boy (duh) but she’s so much like her father, I keep telling him she’s the ‘son he always wanted’! :wink:

12

A friend who’s older sister found out she was pregnant at 45. This would be her 4th child and 15 years after the last one. (Surprise!)

She had an uncomplicated pregnancy and delivery.

13

I was almost 41 when my now almost-6-year-old was born. I’m in good health and always have been. In fact, I was in probably the best shape of my life when I conceived. But woah buddy, I was TIRED. Each of my children got progressively bigger, so by the time I delivered the young master, he was nearly 10 pounds. So my advice is: be prepared for The Tired.

I’m also more relaxed now, so I don’t worry about every little thing with him like I did with the older ones. He eats, he sleeps, he gets plenty of exercise. Sometimes I can’t figure out why I was so whacked out about some things. Too many issues of Parents, I suspect.

On the other hand, as an older more assertive woman, I refused to be bullied by the L&D room staff. One bitch tried to get me to sign something that said I was refusing medical treatment because I didn’t want internal monitoring! Get out of my face. I wanted to walk around and ease the pain of labor; heard of that? The nurse who took over after her shift was much more supportive.

Ahem. Rant over. :slight_smile:

14

Don’t know if medical thinking on this has changed, but my understanding is that a first pregnancy post-40 is much harder on your body than subsequent pregnancies post-40.

Just another point of reference: my MIL had her first baby when she was 19; she had her sixth (and final) one when she was 43. She did tell me that she had more health issues with her youngest than she’d had with any of her others (she was 40 when she delivered my husband). But she managed to have a healthy son who is now my favorite BIL! :slight_smile:

15

We had our first child when my wife was 35 and the second when she was 37. She was considered “high risk” due to her age, but in reality there were no complications and everything seem to go smoothly. The only age-related difficulty we had was getting pregnant in the first place (the first child required fertility drugs and IUI; the second we were just lucky; we haven’t been able to have a third even using fertility drugs). My wife is 40 now so I say we’re done, although she still has some hope.

16

I had just turned 21 when I had my first, 22 1/2 when I had my second. Then a divorce, five years of single parenting, a second marriage and a third son when I was 34 1/2, a fourth son a month before I turned 36, and a fifth son (the last!) three months before my 41 st birthday.

The reason I mention all five pregnancies is because all five were different, with varying degrees of tiredness and/or morning sickness.

With my last one, I was quite heavy when I got pregnant and I was very concerned about being really, really heavy at the time of delivery so, with a drastic change in eating habits (done very healthily and with full approval of my doctor), I actually went into labor weighing six pounds less than I had when I had gotten pregnant.

I had to be induced when I was a week to ten days overdue, and at 7 1/2 pounds, he was my smallest baby.

That pregnancy was very easy and I felt great afterward.

I did have an amniocenteses with the last one.

Anyway, good luck. I see no reason not to proceed if it’s what you want. As I mentioned before, all five of my pregnancies were different but my last, at my oldest, was very easy and there’s no reason to think that just because you’re “older,” the pregnancy has to be more difficult. I am a big believer in prenatal care and that it is more important with older mothers because of the potential for complications - some minor, some more risky.

One thing you might want to consider, though, is how old you want to be when your children are finally grown and on their own. I have a son who turns 35 next month but I still have a 15-year-old at home. Sometimes the whole teenage thing wears me out. :smack:

17

Go for it! 35 isn’t bad at all, particularly if you’re in good shape.

I had mine at 28, 31 and 36. I felt fine with the last pregnancy, pretty much no different than the others. It was a more complicated situation, though, since I ended up with gestational diabetes and breech presentation. I found out it was even more screwy during the c-section - it seems my lower uterine segment was so thin over my old section scar that the doctors could see the baby’s feet right through it. So while I have a shoddy uterus and wonky blood sugars, I’m not sure how much of that is age related. Best of luck to you!