Deadly Accurate:
Yes. I should…
There’s already more candy in the jars though. Presumably she went out and bought some more, and used up all her money so that Tiny Tim won’t be able to get his operation.
Heh. Heh. Heh.
So you’re saying I should go hungry? How is that better?
Because you didn’t bring lunch silly! If you don’t bring lunch then it is better if you are the one who is hungry.
I also admit to taking too much of co-worker’s food when they aren’t around. But I am also the “candy fairy” who leaves bags of candy on people’s desk when they aren’t around. I figure that one makes up for the other.
You however have no hope.
My wife doesn’t cook. There’s nothing at home. It’s not my fault.
Nonsense. It means you are wishy-washy in this. You are attempting to place a band-aid on a hemmorhage.
I figure if you are going to be a villain, you might as well be a pure villain untainted by doubts and ethical concerns, and show some pride in it.
What’s left in the supplies room?
Of course, there are some rules to this kind of thing.
For example, when you eat a whole jar of candy, you don’t finish it. You always must leave 2-3 M&Ms or espresso beans at the bottom of the jar.
And, if you steal somebody’s lunch, you don’t take everything. For example, if somebody has a sandwich a banana and some chips, it’s ok to take the sandwich and the chips, but then you have to leave the banana.
You can also take just the sandwich, or just the chips, but you can’t ever take the banana.
I’m not sure why these rules exist, or who made them, but they just are.
I guess it all started when I was a kid. My father would buy a poundcake, or mom would make some cookies.
One at a time, or slice by slice I’d eat all the cookies or the poundcake leaving behind one small burned cookie, or that crusty end piece of poundcake.
Inevitably, some point later one of my parental units would burst in the room and shout “Who ate the poundcake/cookies?!?!”
Since my brother was the only one in the house, and he would never do such a thing, it was something of a rhetorical question. Nevertheless, I would always shrug and say “I dunno.”
tsk,tsk,tsk…
You obviously need to buy a second wife. I hear you can get one from Russia at a very reasonable price.
Lunch stealing??? Someone get out the wet noodles, this boy needs a beating!
After reading this I now need to go get some M&Ms.
Aw, gee, poor Scylla! How awful that you have to resort to petty thievery to get a little bit of nourishment - I’m nearly weeping as I write this.
I’m overcome with compassion and I want to help. Let me know where you work and I’ll make sure a special lunch is delivered to you each and every day, sans banana. No, really, I want to do this. You’ve brought so much joy to my life, it’s the least I can do.
<basking in the glow of good deeds to be done>
[sup][Sally Struthers ON][/sup]
Excuses don’t fill empty stomachs.
Please, give generously to the Feed the Scylla Fund.
For only table scraps a day, you can prevent petty office thievery, and help feed emaciated and malnourished employees.
Does it count when it’s your kids’ halloween candy? I don’t think they’ve noticed that all the Butterfingers have disappeared. I have now had to move onto the ‘B’ list. It’s a sad day when the only thing left is that pink bubble gum.
Of course, I don’t feel as bad since they’re my kids and I work to feed and clothe them…your assistant, however? You definitely need to mail her 20 bucks every now and then. Sign it the “Candy Bandit” if you can’t face her. M&M’s and chocolate covered espresso beans aren’t cheap, you know.
Lisa, off to search for another Crunch bar.
They did a survey on aol a few months back on the worst problems people had with co-workers: 12% said it was having their lunches stolen! I found the figure incredible, since I’ve never worked with anyone who did things like that. Looks like Scylla is in good- or bad- company. I thought stealing other people’s lunches was something people out-grew by 1st or 2nd grade, but I guess not.