Didn’t get to eat today, so for the last hour I’ve been raiding my assistant’s jar of M&Ms (plain and peanut) and the chocolate covered espresso beans she keeps in jars on her desk for anybody who wants to gnosh.
I’ve eaten them all. All three jars.
Probably about a pound and a half or two pounds of M&Ms and such.
Feeling a little guilty as it’s after hours, and nobody’s here, and probably not going to tell anybody that it was me, just like I didn’t tell when I accidently ate this guy’s lunch (ok, it wasn’t really an accident,)
Or anything else that’s left in the refrigerator
Of course, I don’t feel guilty enough to come clean and admit that it was me.
Nobody knows that I am the office food bandit.
They all think it’s this other guy, because he always helps himself to the candy when people are around. I only do it in secret.
Surprisingly I’m not feeling any ill effects from those M&Ms or espresso beans.
Ok, I’m lying about feeling guilty. I’ve been the food bandit for too long, in too many incarnations to repent now.
The actual fact of the matter is that this is my natural role in the food chain. Food tastes so much better when you have scavenged it.
You wouldn’t expect me to go against the natural order, would you?
My favorite time was one time there was a paper bag in the refrigerator with a coworker’s name on it, and a note saying “Don’t steal my lunch. This is mine.”