I just ate a couple of pounds of M&Ms

Didn’t get to eat today, so for the last hour I’ve been raiding my assistant’s jar of M&Ms (plain and peanut) and the chocolate covered espresso beans she keeps in jars on her desk for anybody who wants to gnosh.

I’ve eaten them all. All three jars.

Probably about a pound and a half or two pounds of M&Ms and such.

Feeling a little guilty as it’s after hours, and nobody’s here, and probably not going to tell anybody that it was me, just like I didn’t tell when I accidently ate this guy’s lunch (ok, it wasn’t really an accident,)

Or anything else that’s left in the refrigerator

Of course, I don’t feel guilty enough to come clean and admit that it was me.

Nobody knows that I am the office food bandit.

They all think it’s this other guy, because he always helps himself to the candy when people are around. I only do it in secret.

Surprisingly I’m not feeling any ill effects from those M&Ms or espresso beans.

Ok, I’m lying about feeling guilty. I’ve been the food bandit for too long, in too many incarnations to repent now.

The actual fact of the matter is that this is my natural role in the food chain. Food tastes so much better when you have scavenged it.

You wouldn’t expect me to go against the natural order, would you?

My favorite time was one time there was a paper bag in the refrigerator with a coworker’s name on it, and a note saying “Don’t steal my lunch. This is mine.”


Say 8 hail Marys and you shall be forgiven, my son. However, I think the 3 pounds of M&Ms won’t forgive you quite so easily in, oh, about half an hour or so.

yikes! Are ya at least gonna leave some money … that’s a lot o candy!

However feel free to come raid my office refrigerator … there is usually a science experiment or two in the very back. UGH!

Stealing candy is one of life’s evil little pleasures. (Although two pounds is a lotta evil.)

Stealing lunches is heinous.

I agree, stealing lunches is just wrong. However, I tend to pack weird vegetarian food that scares most folks off from taking it. :smiley:

Scylla, I’d worry more about what those chocolate-covered espresso beans would do to you than the M&Ms - or for that matter, what a person who’d had their lunch swiped would do.

I was wondering what had happened to that jar of chocolate flavoured laxatives?

thanks for clearing that up Scylla

I believe Dante reserved a special circle of the Inferno for reprobates who eat others’ lunches. Look forward to an eternity of wedgies and pitchforked caco-daemons force-feeding you urine-soaked, month-old chicken salad sandwiches.

I work with you and I own a rabbit. Those weren’t M&Ms.

I work with you and I own a rabbit. Those weren’t M&Ms.

I hope the people you raid are at least well-off financially…In my experience, brown bagged lunches are very often a euphemism for not being able to afford lunch elsewhere. I echo the others in saying that jars of candy are asking to be grazed here and there, but stealing lunches is very dishonorable, IMHO.

My suggestion for the candy, if you are soliciting suggestions, is to just as secretly leave some bags of chocolate-covered espresso beans and M&M’s on the victim’s desk at your next opportunity to replace the eaten ones.

Certainly not!
There is a great satisfaction in really working for the fo… erm chocolate.
Have you considered farming, hunting or fishing? It sounds like they are just the hobbies for you :wink:

I just ate a whole pint of Haagen-Dazs. For those of you counting at home, that’s 1200 calories and 72g of fat.

Chocolate-covered espresso beans… yum.

Replace that candy and stop eating other people’s lunches. Geesh, how do you know that there’s not something in them bad for you? What do you do, keep a watch on the fridge to see what’s new. I’d hate to think you ate someone’s lunch that had been in there a couple of weeks. Yes, I’ve brought lunch before and forgot, it sat in the fridge a week or more. You gonna end up with food poisoning.

Wow, just mention* rabbits and something multiplies quickly!

Scylla, you should be ashamed of yourself. I hereby revoke my crush on you.

Nah, just kiddin’ :smiley:


I didn’t really plan on confessing that I was the office bandit, it just kind of came out.

I don’t. The risk is part of the thrill.

Joe K:

Yes, that would be the ethical thing to do, wouldn’t it?

Unfortunately, I think that I am far past the point of redemption in this kind of thing as I’ve been doing it for a decade. Would it somehow have made things better if the Unabomber sent sympathy cards to the people he’d sent bombs to?

Can Hannibal Lector say “oops, I’m sorry.”


I know. :slight_smile:

Good thing you’re in “The Clique” or else you would’ve had your ass handed to you.


Scylla, I agree that a decade of This Kind of Thing would be hard to redeem materialistically…I wasn’t referring to that, exactly, I was just talking about replacing the M&M’s and the espresso beans you took. That is a lot of candy…Isn’t there a bit of stress in your place of work regarding your secret habits?

But, I won’t bother you anymore…just had to express my opinion…:frowning:

Shame on you, Scylla. Your assistant makes, presumably, less money than you do, and stealing all her candy with no intent of replacing it is tacky. You owe her for that. Although I think you should 'fess up, at least bring the candy and put it in her office after she’s left for the day.

Same goes for stealing other people’s lunches. What if you took the lunch of someone who didn’t have any money on them to get anything else to eat? They’d have to go hungry that day.

BTW, I bring an insulated lunchbox each day and keep it at my desk to keep thieves away from the food I spent my hard-earned money on.

Maybe I take life too seriously, I don’t know.

Stealing lunches? How…how…how plebeian, my man. Very uncouth.