Despite doing everything I possibly could to avoid it, and despite having sworn to myself that I would not ever stoop to this level, I had to do it tonight:
I had to call my parents and ask them to borrow money.
They’re more than willing to, and I"ll be able to pay it back within a month (when I get my next paycheck), and coming up short on rent isn’t entirely my fault, as I have two hundred pounds in the bank, but I can’t access it.
But I fucking swore I was not going to be that pitiful immature kid who moves away from home for the first time and within a few months needs to go crawling to mommy and daddy like some fucking overgrown toddler who can’t work a budget.
Apparently, I am incapable of dealing with the real world.
In middle school I had a particularly brutal math teacher who once told me that I wouldn’t be able to make it in the real world. I’m beginning to think he was right, as I have so far demonstrated myself to be a complete and total fuckup, who at the age of twenty cannot fucking budget well enough to pay their own fucking rent. Consequently, I need to act as if I’m a ten-year-old who wants to go out to the movies, and beg Mommy and Daddy for help.
Fuck. That’s all I have to say about the situation: fuck it, fuck me for not seeing this coming, and fuck me twice for being such a failure at life.
As a parent of grown-up children, some of whom have had money problems, I can assure you that borrowing once from your parents does not mean that you are a total failure in life. It takes far more than that to totally fuck up. Just pay it back when you can, and treat it as one of life’s lessons.
I make it a point never to listen to middle school math teachers (which is why I did so bad in math). I understand you’re frustrated, and that now that you’ve moved out and living on your own, you want to be totally independent.
But trust me, asking for help doesn’t make you immature or incapable of dealing with the real world. Life can be expensive, and, especially when you’re just starting out, when you’re dealing with a limited income, probably reduced from what you were used to when you lived at home, facing all sorts of new expenses, and still trying to figure out how to budget effectively, you sometimes run short of cash.
Don’t be frustrated, don’t make a habit of it, and be glad that you and your parents have a good enough relationship that they’re willing and able to do that for you. It’s going to be ok.
Most twenty-somethings move out with but the barest of knowledge of what the actual costs-of-living are, and reality can be a big slap in the face. Plus, if you were anything like my teens are today, you may not have wanted to listen when the parental units tried to clue you in to budgeting, thinking you had it all planned out. Maybe they teach better budgeting in UK schools than they do in the US, or maybe your parents did a better job than many others do AND you listened. If so, I could be out of line, but you would be one of the exceptions from the vast number of young twenty-somethings I knew (mostly when I was also a young twenty-something).
Your math skills have very little to do with budgeting, so your middle school teacher can go sit on a pike and spin. Probably would make you feel better if you actually told him. Nothing like a little redirected anger!
Don’t beat yourself up too much. You called and asked to borrow money once.
Do work on ensuring that you don’t have to call and ask to borrow money to pay your rent again next month.
You tripped, you stubbed your metaphorical toe on your budget. You will survive. This does NOT prove that you are ill-equipped to handle real life. Everyone makes mistakes.
There are much worse ways to fuck up in life than overspending your budget a time or two. You could have become a middle school math teacher, even if you obviously don’t have very good skills at relating to others and probably don’t enjoy working with teenagers.
You might feel better if you try to come up with some ways to make sure it doesn’t happen again. Just being mad at yourself is better than being mad at yourself and feeling helpless (even if not by that much).
I’m not going to tell you not to worry about it, NinjaChick, or that you shouldn’t feel bad, but there’s a difference between being a pitiful adult who borrows money she doesn’t intend to pay back and someone who intends to pay them money back. I had to borrow money from my mother after my wife got sick and it put us in a bind. When I called I had a payment plan in mind that included a 5% interest rate but my mother gave me an interest free loan. Yay! I still didn’t like asking my mother for money. I don’t think it’s entirely uncommon for adults to need a little help now and then. So feel bad but don’t beat yourself up too much.
The credit would not go to UK schools, as I am American born and raised. I’m over here taking a year out from school (mostly because I royally fucked that up, too).
I know fully well that I’m hardly the first person to have to ask their parents for a small loan. But my main issue is that I’m actually a raving egotist with a mile-wide stubborn streak. I left school, lived at home for a few months which I absolutely hated, and then went off to see the world (or at least the parts of it in Ireland and Britain). I made it my goal to do it on my own, as much as humanly possible, and I really, really wanted to be able to be independent.
I guess it comes down to this: I know I’m not unique in needing help when setting out in the world, especially as my education to date is a year and a half towards a philosophy degree, and I’m living in one fo the most expensive cities in the world. But I feel like I set a goal for myself which meant something to me, and I completely fucked it up.
Was there truly no alternative? Perhaps you could have posted on the Dope about your situation and maybe the SDMB hive mind could have found some way to spare your dignity?
Emphasis added. What did your middle school English teacher say to you? I’m kidding!!!
Yeah, don’t be too hard on yourself. What’s your plan to make sure you can pay next months rent and the rent thereafter? If you’ve got a good one, then don’t sweat it.
You know what would have been pitiful and immature? Simply asking for the money, without promising to pay it back. Or moving back in with the parents to regress back to adolescence. Or posting a thread whining about how broke you are and how you aren’t going to ask your parents for help because you’re too proud.
I had to borrow money when I first moved down here from NJ, because the credit card debt was horrible and I didn’t have cash for the deposit and first month’s rent. I felt bad because I pride myself on independence and financial responsibility, and I didn’t want my parents to know how close to dire straits I was. But my parents gladly helped me out. They can be judgemental as all get-out when they want to be, but never once have they ever held that loan against me. Parents need to feel needed every now and again. They want you to do well.
Dude, I just moved out this week on my own and I already had to borrow money from my parents. I feel like crap, but at least I know I can pay it back, and at least you can to. It’s an interest-free loan as opposed to people giving you money.
When, precisely? How much life experience had you had to date when you swore that oath?
You’ll probably get better terms from them than any of your other options.
Then this isn’t really a problem, your misplaced sense of pride notwithstanding.
Again, your experience level at the time you made that promise to yourself is highly relevant.
You’re getting a temporary supply of money from people glad to give it to you which you will be able to fully repay within a known timeframe. People less together than you have successfully ran entire nations.
Then he was an unprofessional little toad who had no business being the janitor in that school.
Did you lose the money gambling, buying drugs, or by wadding it tight and flushing it down the toilet? Of course not. You lost it because you are trying to do something nobody else on Earth has attempted, nor ever will attempt again: Living your life. Making forays into unknown territory can be fatal. All you lost was a small sum and the kind of pride that can’t fail to hurt you in the end.