I just fucking met you. Don't give me your life story!!!

[Fuji_Kitakyusho]

“Pardon the interruption, but I think it’s necessary to point out that one of us has absolutely no interest in having this conversation.”

[QuickSilver]

I’m going to use that. Thanks.

[pseudotriton_ruber_ruber]

@eleanorigby

Does anyone here know what a Boulder (as in Colorado) handshake is?

I am still puzzling over that one from college, many moons ago–I was walking around campus with my new roomate and this guy approached us and started talking and talking and talking.

The only thing I remember is that he wanted to give me a “Boulder handshake”.

I declined, and we parted (finally!)–but what the hell is it? Or do I not want to know?

You sure he didn’t mean just a “bolder” handshake? That would be, IMO, a handshake not involving two people’s hands but rather involving one person’s hand and the other person’s anal regions, with parts of the hand entering the anal regions. That’s bold, baby!

[Excalibre]

@Miss Purl McKnittington

I’ve done the foreign language thing, both French and Spanish, and they just respond, “Oh my god! I speak French/Spanish, too!” It especially backfired with Spanish, since that’s a fairly common language to be semi-fluent in. French had greater success, though there’s no stopping old ladies when they want to talk. It looks weird, too, when I’m reading, oh, say, The Norton Anthology of English Verse. Heh.

I’ve never had that happen. I always figure if it does, though, I’ll just switch into another language. I might end up looking insane, but it should at least prevent them from trying to talk any more.

[Dark_Side_of_the_Floyd]

Hey, at least you don’t have kids coming up to you and saying, “MOMMY! IT’S THE DEVIL! AHHH!”

And yes, that has happened to me.

[Martiju]

@SpectBrain

Yesterday, I flew from Nashville to Cincinnati. Flight took about an hour. The fellow in the seat behind me was a loud non-stop talker. With a loud voice! His seat mate just made polite “yeah, uh uh” noises. I learned:

That he works with robots
That he rebuilds old farm equipment
That Jesus is the man
That he owns his own business
That he likes to get away and fish
That he works on milling machines the size of a tractor trailer
That he’s buddies with his minister
That this planeride is better than his last
That he’s masturbating like a motherfucker I just added that to see if anyone’s reading this :dubious:

There was more, but I finally managed to zone him out.

That’s nothing. We flew to the South of France recently, with what I can only presume was a branch of the Welsh Women’s Institute directly behind us. The entire journey consisted of conversation like:

“Doesn’t everything look small”
“Small…yes. Small”
“Yes, small. Small”
“Even the cars. Look!”
“Yes…cars. Yes”
etc. etc. - for 90 minutes!

Sweet really. I didn’t know whether to cry with frustration or laugh. In the end I chose laughter, being as it was the beginning of our holiday!

[eleanorigby]

Holidays…yes, nice, yes…
pseudo --I dunno! maybe. But since I was in Boulder Co at the time, on the CU campus–I figured he meant the location.

[Shirley_Ujest]

AIGH!

What happened to my original post?
Anywhoo.

Quicksilver have you tried Flatulence?

Next time Mr.Fishwish enters your office and after bidness is completed, when he starts going off on an intangent, let one rip. It is important you do not acknowledge the fart. Treat it like a red headed step child.

Even if you have to resort to using cyber-farts note to self: start cyber-farts.com. * or somehow make your cellphones ringtone a long sqeaker of a raspberry. (HAH!..there is gold in this idea…GOLD!)

Here is the tricky part: keep a hardboiled egg in your desk in a sealable yogurt cup or some kind of tupperware container and discreetly open it and put under your desk, fanning the noxious fumes with an unseen hand if you can.
Watch Mr.Fishwife flee in tears.

*Cyberfarts would be set up as a non-profit website. Charity work for those trapped in similar situations.

[Shirley_Ujest]

Oh, it is imperative after the first initial encounter to start your day telling Mr. Fishwife that " Took the wife and kiddies to the all-you-can-eat Burrito Buffet and Cabbage Salad Bar last night. Whoooo, I busted the button on my pants …let me tell you!"

Hope this helps!

[Dung_Beetle]

@Shirley Ujest

AIGH!

or somehow make your cellphones ringtone a long sqeaker of a raspberry. (HAH!..there is gold in this idea…GOLD!)

The kids and I were saying just the other day how great that would be. Only at our house, you’d never notice it “ringing”.

[Shirley_Ujest]

1. Insert Bodily Noise into Ringtone
2. ???
3. Profit.
   Really, it is a win-win situation.