Yes, yes, I want to listen to my damn message. Stupid phone.
"…with our prayer warriors standing by 24/7 to mediate for you with our Lord and Savior - "
pulls phone away from ear, shakes it, listens again
“… having financial troubles? Your spouse or children testing your authority? Contact the blanked because I honestly don’t remember Faith Center, and talk to our prayer warriors. We are standing by to help God help you.”
looks suspiciously at phone again
“Find that God is your ever-present help in time of trouble, your shelter from the storm, yadda yadda Call right now and we will pray with you to overcome your-”
Evangelists can be really whacked. Back in the early 80s I would get back to the house around 3 am and kick on the TV because I needed to wind down to sleep. At least 2 or 3 nights a week there was this evangelist wearing a cowboy hat and boots waving his bible around [do they nail it into the palms of their hands, is there a class at seminary school to miraculously suspend their bibles no matter what angle their hands are at?]
The first time I can remember seeing him, he walked in and sat down, and went into some spiel about how God needed a new roof on the building, and that there were at least 10 000 people watching and if everybody sent in just a single dollar that would be $10 000 !!!eleventy!!
If you wish to get right with Jesus!!!…Press 1
If you need an Amen!!!…Press 2
If you need your sins forgiven…Press 3.
If you need an exorcism or demons cast out, please hold the line and one of our customer service Prayer Warriors will be with you shortly.
My mother calls televangelists “Those guys with floppy Bibles” and she says they only know half the Bible. Silly me, I asked her why she said they only know half. Her response was hilarious: “They can only see the half that’s not flopped over.”
In collage we played a drinking game. We’d turn on Robert Tilton and take a drink every time he 1) spoke in tounges or 2) asked for money. Eventually we had to strike the second rule, because we kept running out of alcohol too quickly.
:eek: