But why do you care? Is it because you aren’t attracted to her enough without it, or is it philosophical? Is it that you will be embarrassed to be seen with her?
Embarrassed? Well, I’m not sure. No, it’s not philosophical, more leaning towards the former (in your question). It’s just that her personality and everything else is just great, except this.
She may not wear makeup because of a skin condition, ever think of that? I’d wear makeup, but my skin is not the best, even though I cleanse it carefully. When I’ve tried wearing makeup it breaks out even worse, although I’m good about cleansing it afterwards.
Sounds to me as if the OP is overly concerned with appearances. The first think the OP mentioned as attracting him to her was her figure.
Here’s a thought. As I understand the OP, you’ve met her only the once. Perhaps she simply wasn’t wearing makeup that day.
If she’s a good person, I suggest spending more time with her, and evaluate whether the artifact of makeup still matters.
(I use “artifact” here for accessories that are easily changed – today’s artifact may grab my attention, then tomorrow’s artifact may turn my attention away, and back & forth. One item I’m working on is to identify artifacts, acknowledge them as transitory, and get past them.)
Well, it’s not going to change, ever. Or if if does, it’ll be totally out of your control. Think of it as if she has a tremendous wart on her nose. If you can’t get over that, fine, move on. Relationships aren’t about being fair, they are about attraction (not just physical, but that’s part of it.) If you can get over it, call her. But don’t ever mention it.
Yes. That wasn’t hate. I was just trying to let you see how it might feel for her. If you’re really considering this person as a companion, then make-up shouldn’t matter that much. My girlfriend wears so little that when she doesn’t wear it, I hardly notice.
However, if a person asks you, "Do you think I look better with make-up (or shaved head, whatever), by all means give you honest opinion.
This has been my experience too.
[underlining mine]
This. I have to say, makeup must be a real ball-and-chain for women. I’m exaggerating, but she can attract the guy with it, but then she’s stuck with either wearing it all the time or letting him down, whatever.
IME the application of it can also turn into a total production because…well, I don’t know why, because she wants it 100% perfect? That keeps the man waiting 30 minutes or more, blecch.
Make mine a natural, please. When we go to a function and she wears it, that will be a treat; unless of course she doesn’t wear it well, in which case I’ll praise her natural beauty.
Wow this woman went to a singles event without wearing makeup? I’d say she is tremendously gutsy and confident to the max. Sounds to me that she totally deserves a boyfriend who thinks that’s sexy, not scary.
If that really turns you off, you should let her be and give her a chance to find someone who really appreciates what she’s all about.
I rarely wear makeup. I probably look better with it but it feels gunky, makes me break out if I wear it too often, and I touch my face a lot so it tends to smear; and so it isn’t worth the time and maintenance to me. As a bonus, I can leave the house on a moment’s notice without worrying that my “look” isn’t just right, unlike a lot of women I know. My sister once was running late and had to skip her usual half-hour makeup routine, and everyone at work that day kept asking her if she was sick. I’m not willing to set a time-consuming standard-of-beauty like that for myself. I’d rather have the people I know say “Gee, you look nice today” if I DO put on a little lipstick than “Dang, you look awful” if I don’t.
Any guy I was dating who suggested I “needed” something as inconsequetial would be disappointed, 'cause I’m not going to change such a basic part of my daily hygiene routine so substantially, with no appreciable benefit for myself, on the request of someone else. I’m seeing someone who doesn’t care that I don’t wear it, and it’s never even been mentioned.
If she didn’t bother to wear makeup to a singles meetup, she probably never wears it, and is unlikely to make a long-term habit of doing so just so some guy she just met will like her better. You’ll have to decide whether that’s a deal-breaker for you or not, because it’s probably not going to change.
If it were me, I’d want the guy to say something so I knew where I stood with him. If it bothers you this much, she’s probably the wrong person for you, and you shouldn’t try to manipulate the situation. It will just become a problem down the road if you do. I don’t wear makeup, and if I guy requested I do so, I’d look at him like he was a martian. It would be a signal of basic incompatibility between us, and life is just too dang short for that, ya know? But there are plenty of women who do wear makeup, and you should find one of those since it’s high on your priority list.
100% agree with ZipperJJ.
P.S. Did you check her legs? You never know–maybe she doesn’t shave either. :eek:
In all fairness to the OP, don’t we all know someone who could use a makeover? A few little changes here and there could make a big difference.
I wouldn’t offer that, but if you’re going out and you notice she’s made up, a compliment gives her some feedback she can attend or ignore. E.g. “Wow, that shadow really brings out your eyes!”
Unless you have told her that one of your hobbies is amateur makeup artistry it’s probably something you really, really, really should keep your trap shut about if you want any play, but like a wandering tongue after a dental extraction, or a man with a cowbell it’s quite obvious you are simply aching to explore the space. So do it!
Tell her that you think some makeup would do her a world of good. I’d be interested in how it pans out.
I think both genders are rightfully irritated when someone they just met tries to change who they are. I’ve always found it more useful to date people I have a basic compatibility with. The OP is similar to a woman posting that she had a fantastic time with a guy, and wants to see him again, but he watches football and she hates football and it would be so much nicer if his Sundays weren’t tied up with that silliness.
Should she ask him to give up football? Or should she look elsewhere if that’s a deal breaker?
Whether a woman wears makeup or not is extremelly personal and says something about her identity. If a woman is in a situation where she is trying to impress the guys, she’s going to wear makeup if that’s who she is. If it’s who she isn’t, there is no polite way to broach the subject. You’ll just come across as a jerk. Just as if she tried to ask you to change something intrinsic to who you are.
There are many fish in the sea of all varieties. Why ask a tunafish to be a codfish if you don’t like tuna? I simply find the OP amusing on many levels.
I completely agree with this.
deanc2000, I never wear make up and have dated a few guys that have mention this. Not only did they make me second guess and dislike myself for a brief moment, I never gave them a second chance once they realized their mistake.
Either accept her for who she is or do HER a favor and move on.
I agree. It’s an obvious choice that she made, and something you should think about - you don’t accidentally forget your makeup to a singles event.
Of course, I am not wearing makeup today. Or yesterday. I wore it for a party last week, I think, but it might have been the week before last. I hope nobody is staring at me right now thinking about what an ugly gorilla I am without it, but if they are so what? This is my face, my actual one. I don’t wake up in the morning with the assumption that there’s something wrong with it. I wear makeup like jewelry - as something extra, not the default.
Actually, the OP’s alleged problem almost perfectly matches an episode of Cheers, specifically “My Fair Clavin”, guest starring the tall, a-little-plain-but-cleans-up-great Karen Akers (no relation).
Oh, understood. As I posted:
*I wouldn’t offer that, but if you’re going out and you notice she’s made up, a compliment gives her some feedback she can attend or ignore. E.g. “Wow, that shadow really brings out your eyes!” *
Reactive, not proactive.
Suppose I had a date with a woman at a sports bar and a game was on TV. I might cheer along, just to be part of the crowd, but it really isn’t my thing. If she’s attentive, she may divine that I really, truly, deeply don’t give a flying fuck about professional sports. Would I rather she drop me from consideration without commenting that I must really like sports etc.? Ah, no.
I’m just saying there are some things that really aren’t critical to everybody. Later on, it becomes “Honey, could you not leave your socks in the living room?” etc. For some things, you ask, and maybe they say no…or maybe they’re only too happy to comply because it wasn’t a big deal in the first place.
And it’s possible that the lady in question didn’t wear makeup for a different reason. A second get-together is definitely in order. I’d be inclined to go on a few dates because unless there’s zero chemistry, I think her personality will draw him to her.
In the course of events, she may notice he responds to it. Maybe normally she wouldn’t wear it, but he’s well worth it. Or she may not.
I’m curious to how the OP defines makeup. Is it that she doesn’t wear foundation or concealer, but maybe lipstick? If she has blemishes, it’s possible that she has tried to mask them in the past and didn’t like the results. Piling a whole bunch of cover-up on a scar or pimple often ends up drawing more attention to the blemish than leaving it alone does. Plus, even on unblemished skin, foundation often looks bad, especially the liquid kind.
The thing is, you know what she looks like now. If she started wearing make-up now, it wouldn’t erase what you’ve seen. If on your first encounter, you’d seen that she was flat as a board, her wearing a padding bra wouldn’t change what you already knew about her true looks, right? So what would be the point of asking her to wear a padded bra? To maintain an illusion?