Not only did I finally convince my getting-frail, elderly in-laws to agree to selling their three-story monstrosity of a house and look into something smaller and with less upkeep, but I also managed to convince them that this was entirely their own idea all along.
AND… I took my mom-in-law out shopping today for senior-friendly housing. She was slightly distrustful. In her day, you put old folks in a home and that was that and nosirreebob, she wasn’t having any of that nonsense. But only slightly distrustful, because she knows I love her and that I truly have her very best interests at heart. She growled once: “I am NOT playing bingo with a bunch of old farts and you better not think I’m getting on a damn bus and going off to WalMart every day!”
Well, we found a condo in a seniors-only building. Pricey, but well within her and Dad’s budget restrictions. Gorgeous brand new condos with amenities up the yin-yang. Discreet accessibility features, like handrails that are cleverly disguised as attractive wood moulding in the common hallways. Fully equipped kitchens and built in washers and dryers in each unit. Two CNAs living in the building and on call 24/7. Activities that actually sound like FUN, not a shuffleboard in sight. High security and “wellness management” - the staff checks on residents daily, but again, discreetly. Housekeeping. Everything well-kept, everything they need at practically arm’s reach, and everything you can think of that would extend one’s ability to live independently but not ALONE.
By the time we left the sales office, Mom was ready to pack everything and move in. We let Dad in on the news (he’s still recovering from that broken ankle and concussion he got last week in a bad fall.) Dad didn’t grumble. Dad said, “They even have a barbershop in the building?!?” I was agreeable about helping them get packed and moved and about helping them sell their house.
The best part is… it’s three blocks from where their son and I live, so we can get to them in minutes if they need us. The feeling of relief I am having is indescribable. And most importantly, they are feeling relieved and enthusiastic too.
HOW DID YOU DO IT??? I will PAY for information on your method.
My husband and I have been trying (and trying and trying and trying) to convince my MIL that she ought move into a place like that. She would, but she feels it’s far more important for her to leave us her current (monstrosity as well) home. Sigh
Again. Paypal ok? I also make really kickass homemade truffles.
Shayna - thanks! And at the risk of sounding completely Pollyanna, it’s me who’s the lucky one in many ways. My in-laws are higher-maintanance than they were, say 15 years ago, but they’ve earned every molecule of my love and support. They’re terrific people.
Zenster - I’m trying to decide if I might rather have the spanking evil grin.
Smashed Ice Cream - well, I hate to say it, but it took my father-in-law breaking his leg to make them finally realize that they’re not getting around as well as they used to. Although, for my part, I have been dropping liberal hints for the past two years about the nifty senior residences that have been popping up like mushrooms around here, how so-and-so moved into one and how much she likes the amenities, how this other so-and-so fell and broke her hip and no one found her for TWO DAYS, and so on. In short, I’ve been relentlessly (but gently) pointing out the disadvantages of owning a big home when you’re pushing 80 and the advantages of assisted living. Plus, the WryGuy and I (and his brother) have been repeatedly stressing how we’re NOT in need of their financial legacy. The WryGuy actually has power of attorney over all their doings, health-wise, legally, everything so we COULD have forced this if it became necessary. Fortunately, they came to this decision (more or less) on their own. And are they by any chance mocha truffles?
My grandmother lives in a place a little like that. It’s basically a one bedroom apartment (she moved into it before I left for university, and its what I was looking for!) with help when she needs it. She has a nurse come by and give her her medications daily, and there is weekly cleaning (and laundry I think). She can make her own food (though she doesn’t cook much anymore) or buy a fairly inexpensive meal from the cafeteria - they will even bring it to her door. My mom (and until this year, my aunt) do her groceries once a week. It’s worked out fairly well, especially because she has a few minor illnesses, and has an artificial hip on one side and no hip at all on the other, so her mobility is limited. She also had problems with alcohol, and her husband just couldn’t take care of her on his own anymore (he’s pushing 90, she’s 80). He stayed in his home city, about 2.5 hours away, closer to his children, but drives down (alone, at his age!) about once every month or two. They are happy with the arrangement.
Congratulations on setting your in-laws up in such a situation, and that they can be together! It sounds like little things will be made much easier, and they will be able to enjoy life together with much less stress!
