I fear I am becoming/have become a jerk. Not just from the reactions of other people, but also searching my own heart (no, not a Jedi thing )
The thing is, if I compare myself from exactly a year ago to now, there is a huge difference in personality. I figured out what I was doing wrong and started working on fixing it. I guess you could say its like a drug addict coming clean and fixing his life. I am pretty happy with the way my life is, I’m optimistic and have a lot more self-confidence.
However, the contast between my former self and my present self is so great, I loathe my past self dearly. And this is bleeding over to people who have similar traits as I did. It never was my intention to take it out on folks that are in the same boat that I used to be, but these days I just have absolutely zero tolerance for it.
I understand. I guess the frustration is knowing other people will inevitably make the same dumb and difficult mistakes I did, and it will take them as long, if not longer, to fix them. The other thing is coming to grips with people that do…not…ever…change. Nothing anybody says will change their attitude/outlook and they keep complaining about their problems. It drives me nuts.
Talking about this makes me realize that I am only halfway there when it comes to bettering myself. I was able to improve my attitude about myself but I’m still working on improving my attitude about others
The only effective way to change other people is to be yourself around them, and lead by example. I understand the frustration, but they have to do it themselves.
The cup is half full, my friend. Remember how much you have accomplished. You get no results worrying about how much more there is to do; just dig in and do it!
Think of this as a temporary and natural phase. It is analogous to the fact that often the people who are the most intolerant of smokers are those who’ve just quit the habit.
You surely know that your recognition of this behavior is a step forward in moderating and then eliminating it.
My bet is that you’ll pass through this phase and be fine.
I totally read this as “battering myself” and, to show you how hungry I am, I thought of fish and chips.
Ahem.
You’ll come to it in time. Try not to take it out on people when you see them making the same mistakes you did. Try to help if they ask for advice, but don’t berate them for it… you would’ve resented being berated when you were in that situation.
I think everyone who goes through a change like this has the same reaction to people. I know I did. Just ride it out.
You know, you’ve decided to hold yourself to high standards. Or at least, higher than you used to. The fact that you also tend to hold others to those standards isn’t surprising.
Now, I’m not saying, “ditch all your previous friends and start a new life.” But if you were a jerk, (or didn’t like who you were, in any case) it’s likely that your friends were too. Maybe your new standards require some different social outlets?
Don’t be hard on yourself! You’re a dynamo of personal change and reformation! That’s as it should be. Tolerance for others will come with time. I think it’s hard for lots of (maybe most) people to tolerate those who will never change or see their faults. This doesn’t make you a bad person!
L
P.s. I am not a psychotherapist. I just play one on my computer.
No, no, silly! He ordered it special from the Ass Hattery.
Incubus, dear, you’re doing just fine. The fact that you are even worried about this is pretty much proof that you will be. A true jerk wouldn’t care!
The only advice I could offer is just to realise with time and practise, you’ll get better at “empathising”. Just try to remember that you were there once, and though you may not have much respect for your past self, just remember that at the time, you didn’t know that. It’s only human to get a mild ego boost from an accomplishment you’ve made or a bad habit you’ve overcome, and it’s natural to want everyone to discover what you’ve discovered, too. It can be annoying, irritating, depressing, or confusing when they don’t see it, when to you it seems so crystal clear. Just remember that everyone goes at their own pace. Even if you feel like shaking them, you can’t force them to see what you see. To keep yourself in check, think of how much you still may not know yet, that others who do wish they could make you see!
None of this was meant to sound harsh at all, so if it sounds that way, I don’t mean it that way I’m sure you pretty much know most of this in your heart anyway. Just put it to use every day, and it will start to come naturally. Just acknowledging that you feel this way means you’re at least halfway there.
You’re no jerk. I just hope some of this made a little bit of sense… if not, carry on!
I’m curious about why what other people are doing is bothering you so much. How do their actions affect you?
And like I said in your Pit thread, don’t be so hard on yourself. Like Polycarp said, try to find compassion for other people, and give yourself that gift too. You’re just human - not a damned one of us is perfect.
)
I’m sure you pretty much know most of this in your heart anyway. Just put it to use every day, and it will start to come naturally. Just acknowledging that you feel this way means you’re at least halfway there.