First, some background information: I am wretched, or rather I view myself as being wretched, at making confrontations. I don’t feel like I present myself well, I generally get overly emotional and break down in tears (I suck at stress), and, as a result, I avoid them at all costs.
I’m a college student and VP of my school’s LGBTA organization. I’m also a very active member of the Catholic group at school.* Religion and social justice are both things that I feel really strongly about. One of the ironic things about being part of both of these groups is where I get negative comments from. One might expect for the Catholics to give me shit for being gay, but I haven’t heard a single thing from anyone in the Catholic group in the two and a half years that I’ve been here.** On the other hand, the LGBTA group seems to revel in making fun of organized religion and, more specifically, Catholic priests and altar boys.
Unfortunately, the member of the LGBTA group that makes most of the jokes is the president. Tonight, after the meeting I told him that I wanted to talk to him privately. I calmly stated how I felt. I told him that I found his jokes to be offensive and I was upset by the fact that he continued making them even after I had told him several times that I didn’t find them funny. I don’t think that anything will ever really come of me standing up to him, he said that he wasn’t sorry for offending me, but, nonetheless, I am proud of the fact that I stood up for myself and didn’t suck at it.
-Mosquito
*Yeah, I know, call me the walking oxymoron.
**I’m generally just assuming that they don’t talk behind my back.
Wow. Did I read that correctly? He actually said he wasn’t sorry for offending you? I sure hope he’s not president next term. The real world will be an eye-opener for him!
I don’t think you’re a walking oxymoron at all. I know plenty of gay Catholics. Your President is ignorant and currently unwilling to learn. If he continues wanting to hold leadership positions in political organizations, he’ll learn pretty quickly, though. Right now, I’d imagine he’s angry at the Church and wants to express it without being reasonable or fair, while he still can.
I suck at stress, too. And for a long, long time I couldn’t confront anyone either, without breaking into tears, flushing, generally being a mess.
However, with practice, I got more and more proficient at it. Today I can confront anyone and present an exterior of total calm and authority. I can confront strangers, my boss, my neighbors… I don’t do it gratuitously, but every few month somebody seems to need a good talking to. I can lay down the law to someone, and they almost always accept it, apologize profusely if needed, and correct their behavior. Actually, after a while my body language adapted to my evolving personality and now I just give off a don’t-fuck-with-me vibe and most people don’t.
I am extremely sensitive and shy, but I can confront someone and get positive results- they don’t have to know that I’m shaking inside or that my adrenaline has me in a fight-or-flight physical response.
You can train yourself to do this too. If I can, anyone can.
Applause! Standing up against homophobia, though difficult, is infinitely rewarding… just as it is to stand up for anything you believe in. Good show. Props from your friendly neighbourhood board queer.
Whoa, is my face red…! I just made the same kind of assumption you are criticizing! :smack: In my defence, it’s quarter to nine AM and I haven’t slept…
But my comment stands, mutatis mutandis. I’m glad you are speaking up against what makes you uncomfortable. An LGBTA group should be a safe space for everyone who uses its services, including people of all religious faiths.
And gay Catholic needn’t be a contradiction in terms. Our own scott_evil’s husband is a very devout Catholic, for example.
And reading over it one more time, it sucks that the president isn’t willing to recognize the impact his comments are having on you, nor to help create a safe space in the association. Such behaviour isn’t at all helpful. If you would like more information for the group about creating a safe space, I can hook you up with the manuals I use for the anti-homophobia education workshops I help to conduct.
Good for you! Nothing may change his thinking but at least you spoke up.
As a queer, the one thing that really chaps my arse is seeing ANY kind of bigotry, hatred, or unwillingness to understand the differences among people in the LGBT community. We of all people should know better.
Excellent. I’m with The Chao Goes Mu on this one; it’s outrageous to exclude any allies or members from the LGBT - what’s the A, MissMossie, andro? This is why I just say queer - community. We need all the folks we can get! I’m in the process of dealing with a lot of Catholicism vs queerness stuff (would love to see your thoughts in that thread), and part of the problem has always been my very strong feeling that neither ‘side’ will accept my participation in the other. Very discouraging. I rarely have the nerve to stand up like this for my own self, though I do it for other people a little too quickly. I’m glad you did, and I hope you can somehow educate the creeps.
One of my friends is gay, conservative, Republican, and Catholic. Every once in a while I look at him and say “You’re such a stereotype”. He usually hits me. Gay people aren’t supposed to do that, are they?
- community. We need all the folks we can get! I’m