I don’t know why the fuck the distribution people think that Adaptation won’t make enough money to justify showing it on even ONE SCREEN in a city of a MILLION PEOPLE! Goddamn bean counter pieces of shit. I’d love to shove an entire focus group down their throats and then ask them how they feel about it. Fucking Philistines.
I was all bowed up about seeing Adaptation this weekend at a Muvico theater that has twenty-two screens. That’s right. TWENTY TWO SCREENS and they can’t spare ONE fucking screen for a movie that’s getting fantastic reviews and is likely to be nominated for a couple of Oscars AND stars Nicholas Cage. Remember him? He’s a fucking Coppela cousin!
So anyway, Muvico announced sometime in NOVEMBER that Adaptation would be here on December 20. Well, here it is December 20, and guess what? NOT HERE! I was on their site yesterday and it said they were going to show it this wekend. Today, the site claims they aren’t showing it. In order to see this movie I would have to drive from my home in Memphis to DALLAS! Beyond the fact that this is totally out of the question for practical reasons, I fucking hate Dallas. I’ve been there a few times and have had nothing but a bad time. But Dallas-bashing isn’t the point of this thread. The fact that I can’t go see Adaptation for no fucking good reason is the point of this thread.
Let’s see how the Muvico Peabody 22 is using their screen space, shall we? We got 8 Mile , a rap movie. It’s Memphis, I’m sure it’s still doing some business. No big deal, because you’ve still got 21 screens to go, right? We got Gangs of New York , which I’m going to go see at my neighborhood art house this weekend.
Don’t get me started about the “art house” that’s showing Maid in Manhattan , which is also showing at the Peabody 22. Drumline is there too on what looks like two screens. I have no problem with that movie, having been in band myself. But two screens worth? Are both of those screens going to do better business than Adaptation would? Then you got your Two Towers. How many screens do you think that one’s playing on? Four? Five?
One. Two shows. That’s it. This is for a movie that has the second largest Wednesday opening in history, and these Harvard MBAs are showing it on one screen of their 22 screen theater. Is that one screen the large format screen? NO! That’s one’s showing fucking * Treasure Planet * ! Sure, it’s a three hour movie, but with 22 screens, well, don’t you have a little more flexibility there? Maybe to show, I don’t know * Adaptation * maybe? If you want to see the Wild Thornberrys movie, they got that one. Kind of a smaller, specialty audience there, don’t you think? That one’s got at least two screens as well. What else you got? * Wes Craven’s They ! Ooh, that’s a blockbuster. Must just be raking in the dough for you! And let’s not forget * Friday After Next!
22 screens. Twenty-two screens. Now, I’m no businessman. I’m just a humble English major, trying to make my way in a big, complicated world. But it seems to me that if you’ve got a theater with TWENTY-TWO SCREENS in a city of a MILLION PEOPLE and a movie that everyone except for the pseudo-intellectual, carrerist, goat-headed Stephanie Zacharek from Salon loves and that I personally and many others that I know, and presumably many others that I don’t know, really, really have a strong desire to see, don’t you think maybe, just maybe, you can make money by running it for a week on one of your TWENTY-TWO SCREENS? Because, you see, nobody else in town is showing it. So if YOU were to show it on one of your TWENTY-TWO SCREENS then anybody in the city of a MILLION people who wanted to see it would have to come to you. But no, you chose instead to show *Empire * on two screens.
Or maybe we should be cursing the mothers (and motherboards) of the cyborgs in the studio distribution system who presumably could not compute the movie and therefore assumed that it wouldn’t make money in wide, or even semi-wide release. You don’t have to run it on 6,000 screens nationwide. You don’t have to spend a lot of money advertising it, because of all of the free positive publicity it has gotten from the critics. But no, the slugs don’t give it national distribution because they can’t get their glorified spinal columns that serve as their brains around this one. Fucking * XXX * they can understand. I wish I had a studio dickhead hooked up to a car battery in my bathtub right now so I could express my affection for him or her in a free and unlimited manner.
I fucking hate the scum sucking pigdogs that run the entertainment industry in the country. I hope they choke on the stink from the rotting flesh between their fucking ears. I just wanted to see
Love,
vibroAdaptation
