Wow, I hate your professor already. That seems like awful advice.
Warrior, I used to lie awake at night wondering if someone I had only spoken too once or twice thought I was a total ass because I passed them in the hall that day and didn’t say hi. Then one day, I went to the grocery store but somewhere along the way, my pants split completely open without my noticing and I spent my entire shopping trip showing the store my simpson undies. (This was no little gash. When I took them off and examined them, the rip was from the waistband to the crotch. The fabric had gotten too thin and it just gave up the ghost.) The point is, no one said anything for the 45 minutes that I was there. I decided that people either just didn’t notice or didn’t care. So why was I being so anxious about myself when no one else was? A great weight was lifted off my shoulders that day and I became a much happier person with a more regular sleep schedule. But every now and again, I check the seat of my pants, just in case.
EW, I was ready to tell you to keep your offensive jokes to yourself until you’ve built somet kind of relationship with people. But then I read your examples. Granted, reading your statements doesn’t do justice to the actual delivery of them in person, but they do seem harmless.
In your first example, I guess maybe the other person thought you were bragging, but that seems like a bit of a stretch. Your comment was relative to the topic. No harm, no foul.
In your second example, you took a shot with a clever joke and the other person just didn’t get your humor. Their loss.
So yeah, I think you’re overthinking the situation. Is your school year just about finished by now?
My only thought on your first example is whether you actually expressed some sympathy with the other person ('Oh, what a bummer!") before turning the conversation to you and your books.
But apart from that, another vote for over-thinking and social anxiety, both of which are pretty normal!
Hey - I’m a college professor and I say things I wish I had phrased differently… pretty much every day. So it’s not unusual, and I think you probably are overthinking things a bit. However, in a world dominated by folks who don’t think enough about what they say or do, you’re probably a nicer person for this trait.
If you’re like me, sometimes you want to get a foothold in a conversation and you say stuff before you have a chance to think it out. Just take your time and let the conversation come to you.
Also, don’t put so much pressure on yourself to say the “right thing.” If you’re around friends or people you engage with frequently, they’re not going to judge you by one thing you say - it will be the accumulation of all the things you say over time that will factor into their assessment of you. (Jerks excluded, who tend to judge you based on simple criteria fairly quickly.) All of my good friends have said things in my presence that I find dumb or offensive, but it’s the exception rather than the rule - and much of it has to do with missing intonation, or quirky senses of humor.
Social intercourse is a minefield, yo. But you probably are putting too much pressure on yourself. I would worry less about how you’re being perceived and be honest and thoughtful and considerate of others - the rest will take care of itself.
Kudos to you for being self-reflective - but don’t self-reflect to the point you overanalyze everything!
Well, you might put a sock in it every now and then, for practice.
Don’t sound too jerky about the book signing, tho, but the Marx thing sounds like you set up the whole thing just to ramrod your witticism…
I remember back in my 20s I had a “Get out of saying something stupid for free card” That damn thing got passed around in my circle of friends for almost a year before it got passed off (Or lost. I don’t know) outside my circle of friends.
Actually, when I think about it more, it probably is fairly awful advice for most people. It was very good advice for a student in a super-competitive honors engineering program, though. So, Electric Warrior, I retract that advice unless that’s the kind of program you’re in.
I notice a lot of things about people, but I also know that we’re all human, and someone with a big stain on their shirt is not having their best day, and I’m not going to write them off because of it.
There’s a social group that my husband and I have been in for about 10 years now; there’s a couple in that group who introduce themselves to us every time we’re at the same event. Now, that is weird (and a bit of a blow to your ego - I’m THAT forgettable?). We’re just writing it off to them being old and feeble in the brain these days.
That’s not bad advice; those of us with dry, offbeat senses of humour do well to feel out our audience before regaling them with our A material. That’s why I use smileys here - you can’t see the twinkle in my eye as I make deadpan jokes on the internet.
