I keep on over-reacting. How do I stop that??

I feel like a jerk …no, I am a jerk. I feel like bashing my head against the wall, or use a penknife and crave some archaric runes on my forearms. I kept over-reacting. A friend of mine made a harmless and meaningless joke over ICQ and I called him up and shout into his ears.

Now I feel stupid. I want to stop over-reacting. This might be a general question, but because it is so dense with whine I guess it’s better stay here. How do I stop over-reacting? I couldn’t even think then. I was just straight at the phone and braying into my friend’s voice. It’s a stupid thing to do. I do it all the time. No wonder I have no friend.

Excuse me now. I really want to hurt myself baaaaaad.

You need to go see a therapist so that you can figure out how to deal with strong emotions like anger and guilt without either internalizing them or blasting them at inappropriate targets. Especially since you say you want to hurt yourself in response to dealing with a situation badly. That is not healthy.

Just talking to someone can make a big difference. Also, don’t forget to cut yourself some slack – we all do or say stupid things we wish we could take back. Apologize to your friend, and don’t beat yourself up over it. Try to handle things better the next time. Things will get better.

Take it easy…

Ah, here is my advice . . . listen carefully as I think I am in the process of overcoming this very problem. I used to overreact very badly and still do every now and again. I think that the key to get past this is by building your own self confidence. I realized that when I would lash out it was as a result of my own insecurities. So what I did was figured out a plan of action that would boost my self esteem. I started lifting weights, which I highly recommend (maybe you already do this). I could take out everything on the weights and afterwards I felt relaxed. I felt better about myself instantly. Now I react a lot more calmly to situations that I use to freak out about, and the reason why is because I’m secure about myself and comfortable in my skin.

If you already lift weights or do vigorous excersize, you could do things like improve relationships by putting more effort into them. I always feel better about myself after I perform some self-less acts.

Just a few ideas.

LostCause, this sounds like an emergency situation. Please do not hurt yourself, call someone, anyone.

Let us know that you are ok when you get the opportunity.

I absolutely agree with the above advice given to you, LostCause.

A lot of over-reaction is indeed from insecurities, fatigue, stress. Find a way to get some kind of counselling, perhaps by referral from your doctor, so that you can better cope with what life dishes up.

You aren’t a bad person at all, but there are parts of your inner self trying to scream at you otherwise. Get help before those “demons” inside get too loud.

And yes, let us know how you’re doing, okay?

I am already going through counselling and am on some medication. I never raised up the part on over-reacting though to my pyscharyists (sp) though.

It is not the first time. I have always done it - the closer the person is to me, the worse it get. My mother bore the brunt of it - any moment I percieve that she is putting me down, not trusting me or snooping on me I will holler at her.

It was so strange. I couldn’t think. It’s a joke, just a harmless joke, I know but there’s this really awful feeling and suddenly a flash of heat and I am at the phone going for his throat.

rhinostylee is right - I know I have low self-esteem. I wouldn’t even dare to look at a stranger in the eye or go into a shop to check out clothings by myself. The worst thing is that I am a guy - in the eyes of other guys I am a whim (I was a total pushover back in what you guys and gals could call ‘high school’).

I couldn’t hurt myself physically - my mom will know 'cos we stay together (lack of housing space from where I come from). I tend to do stuff like over-eat, over-spent or keep doing things which I will feel guility about, or just scream at people.

I apologise, but I dread for this is not the first time. I wonder what my friend will think of me now - and now I fall into another trap. Worrying, just keep on worrying.

Have to say that counselling sucks, though (that’ll be another thread). They keep urging me to think postitive thoughts and be optmists and what-not – the problem is for every one cent of postivite thought I put in, there’s a dollar of negative coming. How easy is it to be postitve when you have no close friends, overweight, sister is going insane too (she’s thrice as senstitve as I am) and don’t even know how to balance a bike?

Why do I keep setting up situation where I could be hurt??

I whine long enough. I will try to act on all of your kind advices, but I don’t think building confidence and self-esteem when you are already 21 is easy (heck, and last time I thought confidence come with age!)

Nope, I used to think that “adults” were perfectly confident and have come to find that they just as insecure as everyone else. Alot of people in my family are what you could call “uptight,” and anxiety and depression have affect nearly all of us kids. I feel
lucky in that I feel in control of mine most times, and am positive most times as well.

Another thing that I did when I initially started on my confidence is live in the moment if the moment was good. It’s too easy to focus on the negative. When you do feel happy and like things are okay, recognize it and be thankful for it. You’ll find that you’ll figure out what it is that makes you feel good and will be more prone to create that environment for yourself in the future.

You mentioned that you are overweight . . . a common problem that many people deal with. Society does not help you deal with this problem, either, and can be harsh and judgemental, which only adds to the problem because it toys with your confidence.

So this is my advice to you, and it’s not what a counselor would say, nor what many people would agree with. First of all, the fact that your sister also has the problem doesn’t mean that have to have it as well. Forget about her problem and focus on your own.

Secondly, why not beat society at its own game? Join a gym and start the cardio. Don’t worry so much about lifting weights if your problem is that you are over-weight. Just make it your obsession and stick with it. You’ll feel better instantly. 21 is not too old to start working on your confidence, in fact, it is alot sooner than many people get started, and some people never start at all.

You can mold your body how you want it, it’s just a question of commitment. I think that you can stand around all day and have couselors tell you this and that, but I think you should take matters into your own hands. Confidence will help you override your insecurities, and I think that improving yourself is the only way. Who cares what people at the gym think, you aren’t going there to impress them. Focus on yourself and put forth the effort, because it’s worth what you will get out of it. In fact, I have inspired many over-weight friends to lose weight, many of which have been successful. You can be, too.

My advice may seem superficial, but we live in a superficial world, and I think that with a little work you can really make yourself look better. It isn’t as hard as it may seem.

You might want to check out a book on assertiveness. Even if assertiveness (or lack thereof) isn’t your problem, it can give you tips about how to express your feelings in a more productive way–and how to realize that what other people say/think/do/joke about doesn’t reflect on you as much as it does on them. It’s easier to let stuff slide when you realize that.

I used to fly off the handle over things a certain difficult friend said to me. Every little thing was like the straw that broke the camel’s back. Nothing was free of the baggage of all my bad feelings about the way she treated me. Once I learned some good ways to respond to her, I felt empowered enough to let much more “go” instead of being mad over it.