Ok probably a stupid question. The answer is no right? Especially b/c I like him. We made out didn’t just kiss might I add. But he still wants to be friends after I said we should not go out for drinks b/c although he says he is unhappily married he is still married and lives with her. 3 kids the whole deal. He says he stays with her just for that. Oh and he only cheated on her to get back at her. I am the 4th person supposedly. He slept with the others. He said he liked me etc etc. Would I visit him if he moved out. That he wants to meet someone before he moves out etc. And he is supposedly helping me get a job at his company - it is a huge international well known company.
SO we are supposed to go for drinks this Tuesday…Part of me wants to go part does not. I am already thinking too much about him b/c of all the extra time on my hands…ok tell me the truth. Can I try to be just friends and have fun with him b/c I do like his personality. And could use more friends…we are both in our upper 30’s and most of my friends are married. And both of our lives are a mess…I do want to get married - broke off an engagement a year ago…that’s another story…
Welcome to the SDMB. Nice first post. From the title alone, my guess was you had just registered.
If you’re serious, my opinion would be this: Still be friends, probably…although it’s probably best if you distance yourself and not put yourself in a position where you’re alone with him again.
Dating married men is a waste of your time then. Focus on single, available guys.
Don’t meet him for drinks. You know where that will lead. Don’t kid yourself that he just wants to be friends. He wants to cheat on his wife with you. And he probably has no intention of actually leaving her, especially if he can find someone to cheat on her with without having to leave her.
That’s a whole lot goin’ on there. My usual rule is that people need to get out of one relationship before they start getting into another one, unless everyone involved has agreed that it’s an open relationship. That doesn’t sound like the case here.
Frankly, he doesn’t sound like much of a catch if he’s acting like this in his late 30’s - he sounds like a stupid teenager who has unfortunately impregnated a woman multiple times and doesn’t have it in him to be a grown-up dad (staying with her for the kids doesn’t mean revenge cheating).
Nope. You can’t stay friends with him. And he won’t leave his wife for you. When he says that, he’s LYING! Now, if that’s cool with you, well…you can do whatever you want. We’ve had this debate on this board many times before- some of us think you’re morally culpable in helping him cheat, and others (like me) think that since you didn’t make any promises, you don’t have to keep any.
We can’t be friends and yes he is very immature b/c he cheated on his wife for revenge for her cheating on him!!! ridiculous…my bad for getting involved. if I had just kept it at drinks and nothing else to start off with maybe we could have just remained friends who knows. I don’t want to date him to the poster who mentioned that. although it may sound like it. or maybe inside I do and I am not admitting it to myself.
you guys are all right. come tuesday if he contacts me about drinks I will just make some excuse or just be honest with him…that we can’t go out for drinks…but can we friends…should I even have him help me with jobs at his company anymore or just totally cut it off? b/c he is being irresponsible with helping me as well…I know the answer cut it off fully.
I feel morally wrong already and guilty for what I have done. I believe both are at fault when a man is married and the woman is single. I have never done this before.
Agree with both of these points. Neither one of you is actually interested in friendship anymore anyway. The guy is a sleaze, and you need to stay away from him altogether. The “unhappy marriage” routine is boilerplate cheater bullshit.
It may be possible to be friends in the future, but you do need to call it off for now. Once romantic feelings start, it takes a while to get them to settle back down. And it is also possible you will not be able resume a friendship, and it wouldn’t hurt to work under that assumption for now.
ETA: As for leaving his wife for you: there’s an easy way to respond to that: “Well, call me when you leave you wife, and maybe we can get together until then, I we can’t be together.”
Actually you don’t even know if that is true. You know he’s a guy who will happily cheat on his wife, and that’s about it. He may also be happy to tell any lies he thinks will get you into bed.
No, you can’t be friends. Why would you want to be friends with a sleazeball like that anyway? Run away.
If you need someone else to confirm what you already know, here I am. Run, don’t walk away from this situation. Don’t see this guy again. Don’t even speak with him if you can help it. You’re not in the frame of mind to resist his advances because at this point you want him too badly. Any further contact will result in you two falling into bed with each other, and you know it. I think you also know that this cannot end well. As Chessic Sense said above, to which Dio concurred, the guy is lying and has absolutely no intention of leaving his wife. You know this as well.
No, you should not let him pursue helping you with a job. This will just give you an excuse to feel obligated to him, which will further erode any remaining inhibitions you still have.
The sad thing is there’s a better than 50-50 chance your impaired judgment will guide you headlong down a path you know is self destructive, no matter what anyone says to you.
Good luck. I think you’re really going to need it.
If you’re in your upper 30’s you already know the answer. Do you want to be “friends” with a married guy who says he’s staying with his cheating wife because they have three kids, and who cheats on her to get back at her?
Not many people have mentioned the job thing yet. If you are desperate for a job, and absolutely certain you could behave professionally around him, it might be worth staying in touch with him. Otherwise, no, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of hurt. Either way, don’t go out for drinks alone with him, anything that will mess with your judgement is a bad idea.
