Has anyone here ever made friends with the (dirtbag scumball) person your (vile, reprehensible) spouse had an affair with? Just wondering. How’d it go?
Since I’ve never been in the situation such as you describe (a cheating spouse, me knowing about it) my behavior and reactions upon being confronted with it is purely conjecture at this point.
First of all I think I would b**** slap them bald, both of them.
Then, after I was through with my husband, she could have whatever’s left of him. Wouldn’t be much, I can tell you that.
So, I guess my answer would be: no. I could never maintain a friendship with a woman under those circumstances. I have too much self respect for that. To allow someone to betray me in such a manner would be demeaning.
Color me old-fashioned.
Spouse, no. Boyfriend, yes. He cheated on me with her. Then dumped me. They got married. I didn’t like her for awhile but we had so many friends in common, it was impractical to be a baby about it. Now I like her a bunch. Don’t have much use for him, really, but she’s great.
I guess that’s nowhere near the offense a spouse would commit by cheating, so this probably doesn’t count. It is funny when people ask how we know each other, though…
My ex had an affair with a gal not once, but twice, during a long unhappy marriage. I finally left him. We all worked for the same company, too. I didn’t have any interest in a friendship with her, but after the second time around we did at one point meet at a restaurant and we had a frank chat. I’ll never forget the look on his face when we both entered the house together and confronted him!
In that conversation with her, I realized how much he had lied to her and saw her hurt when the truth came out. She was a woman like me, lied to and cheated on, by the same man.
As the years went by she found someone and married him. We didn’t talk much except to say hello, and eventually her office and mine were just a few feet apart. With the natural course of socialization in the office, we developed more of a friendship.
There were a lot of people who didn’t understand why or how I handled things the way I did. She made a mistake and suffered the consequences and I realized that if I found something to love about my ex, why wouldn’t someone else, too?
If I saw her today, I’d give her a warm hello and chat for a while.
Don’t know if this counts or not, but FWIW, I didn’t make friends with the lout, but became intimate friends with his wife.
Well I was friends with him first, so I don’t know if it counts. She told him a bunch of lies about me, (I beat her up, that sort of thing) so he had felt obligated to let my wife move in with him and do her.
But he got his.
One, she wasn’t very good in bed.
Two, she screwed up his life almost as bad as she did mine.
Much later he apoligized and I thanked him for getting her out of my life.
Strangely, your stories are actually making me feel better. Keep 'em coming, if you would.
I never met him, but as my friends tell me, he’s a nice guy. She’s a bitch though, fuck her.
Well, I can’t say that he cheated on me exactly, because A) it was before we were actually married and B) we had just gone through a breakup (although we were still sharing a living space and still sleeping together, TMI, I know…) But it was close enough to cheating that I still count it as that.
She was a friend of sorts before it happened, so I was hurt for a while. And when he and I ended up getting married, I didn’t speak to her for a while. But after we divorced, she and her husband ended up being my 2 best friends, and they still are.
A little background about my ex, though. He was a very manipulative person who knew exactly what to say to get his way with everyone…friends, girlfriends, bosses, etc. He dragged her in the same way he dragged me in, so I completely understand how it happened, yet I still don’t believe I was sucked into his sick game. I always thought I was a better judge of character than that. She and I discussed it not too long ago, and neither of us can understand how we fell for the crap that he dished out. I guess we were vulnerable at the time (he preys on vulnerable people) and we were looking outside of ourselves for justification and self-worth. He gave us the attention we desired. And now we both know what to look for and how to avoid the situation in the future.
I’m glad it happened. If it hadn’t, I probably wouldn’t have ended up with 2 of the best friends I’ve ever had. 
Mine won’t let me meet him. Probably a wise choice on her part.
Spouse hasn’t cheated on me, but I did make friends with a girl a boyfriend of mine cheated on me with many years ago. I couldn’t harbor any ill will towards her, he was the one who lied to her, as well as me. It was also great because a couple of years later, he was still pissed that we had remained friends. She has slipped from my life since and I still miss her. Him, I don’t miss at all. (BTW I also found out he had cheated on me before her, because…oopsie, he gave her a bad case of VD. Thank all that is sacred, I was in a long-distance relationship with him at the time!)
I never met the guy she cheated with and I didn’t want too. When I found out she had cheated, I said take your stuff and go. That was it; I never spoke to her again. I was pretty close-minded about it, but that’s where I was, at that time.
Yeah, a few times, but they sucked in bed compared to me so it was always that little bit of info that made it easier 
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I can relate to both of these comments. (okielady, I think we were married to the same guy. :rolleyes: )
My ex cheated on me (quite a bit, actually), but I never became friends with any of them. I did become friends with his 3rd wife (now ex-wife also), whom he married just days after our divorce was final. He still had visitation rights at the time, and she was going to be around, so I made an effort to be nice to her, for the sake of my daughter. Our friendship grew after he cheated on her and I found myself in a situation like Edlyn’s, a sympathetic ear in a time of need. I still run into her occasionally, and we exchange Christmas cards.
years ago-- i was single and met a couple who lived nearby. was pretty good friends with both of them, but more so with the the husband. we would hang out and do stuff together. well, his wife eventually told me she had the hots for me and used to complain about the dude (various marital problems)and she started to come around without him. she would come over for a little “excitement” when he was out with his co-workers getting drunk. she ended up kicking him out and we kinda took up, but it was a miserable experiance. i guess they ended up getting back together and i kinda took all the blame for everything. she hates me, he hates me, everybody hates me! im kinda glad they got back together, they deserve each other! the wife was a real manipulator and was really playing each of us against one another for her own ends, and im sure she is still at it. poor (name ommitted, husband), he wasn’t such a bad guy, really.
the only “positive” thing about this was she was very sexually inexperiance and frustrated. she had me do all kinds of wild and crazy stuff to/with her! that part was pretty cool!
overall, however, i cant recommend this to anyone! (strange side note: the dude’s MOM hit on me too, but i didn’t pop her!)
When I found out my ex-wife was cheating on me with her boss, I insisted she leave and move in with him. That was the one thing that I could never get over. I can deal with drug, alcohol, money problems, etc. but if you cheat on me, the trust is gone. It’s over.
Anyway, the marriage produced one son (DeltaJr) who went over there to visit Mom on the weekends, and eventially I got to know this guy. We were never got to be great friends, but after the initial shock of the whole affair faded, and some time passed, we did hang out occasionally (played ball with my son together, etc.)
I eventially felt sorry for the guy, because he ended up with the drinking, drug-addicted, cheating bitch.
I am forever grateful to him, however, for taking her off my hands.
:eek: Okielady, did this guy have the initials JW? Because I swear, you just described my “cheater” exactly. And I live in Oklahoma.
And yes, I did make friends with one of the girls he cheated on me with. (Yes, I said “one.”) We all worked together, and I had my suspicions. I confronted him, he lied (of course), I wasn’t convinced, so I went to her. I only did this because she seemed like a nice person, and my suspicions (that doesn’t look spelled right!) were that the “affair” was in the past. So I just went to her and said, basically, “Look, I’m not going to be mad at you or blame you in any way, but I need to know the truth. Please.”
And she was so grateful I had come to her! She apologized profusely, and explained that when it had started she didn’t know about me. (We all worked in different departments, and this is very possible.) As soon as she did find out about me, she dropped him like a hot potato. She had wanted to let me in on what a jerk he was, but was afraid of my reaction and ashamed of falling for his tricks.
She was there for me through the whole tortuous break-up, and we had many fun hours exchanging stories about what a manipulative creep he was. Slowly we found out through the grapevine and other means (IS boys are our friends!) that he had seriously hit on at least five other girls at this same company and had had more than flirtations with at least three others (not including the two of us.) He was truly sick in the head.
Unfortunately, I’ve lost touch with her since the company went under. But I have to add that I’m a much better person for the whole experience, and I now have a wonderful guy. (Who works in IS, go figure!)
Well, unless he’s changed his last name, no. His initials are JB. But your story sounds SO familiar. The 3 of us worked at the same place, and so did 2 other women he also screwed around with at various times during our dysfunctional relationship. He also tried with several other women that worked there. He was always involved in some sort of email or chat conversation with different women. It was pretty pathetic that I allowed myself to get involved in that kind of a situation.
I made a vow to NEVER again date someone I worked with. Then I met my current husband (at work :o) and we ended up together. We didn’t work together very long (only a week after we initially hooked up…) Besides, he’s wonderful, so I don’t regret it.
Well, sounds like JW and JB should get together. They’d make great friends.
Of course, I still wouldn’t be surprised if JW is JB–sounds like something “my” creep would do…lie about his name. He’d lie about anything, even if it wasn’t necessary.
And Okielady, I made the same “no more dating at work” rule, too. Then I promptly fell in love with a guy from work (my current sweetie.) We also only worked together for a short while, since the company went broke.
Hahahaha! JB is the initials of a guy who was hitting on me hard via IRC at work a few years ago. Yes, he was married, and shortly afterward he married yet another woman from work who he’d been working on at the same time. Funny.
I know, I know, they’re common initials.
I found out shortly after we got married that my husband had cheated on me before we got married. To some people that makes a big difference. My husband seems to think it makes a big difference. Not to me, because I would never cheat when I’m in a committed relationship; I would definitely tell the other person that I had interests elsewhere. And of course, I found out too late, as I wouldn’t have married him if I’d known beforehand. Now I’m stuck with him. He’s the last guy I ever expected to cheat on me.
For the most part, I believe that he would never cheat on me now that we’re married. Yet I occasionally go into these black rages when something makes me think of it. I’m afraid that someday he’ll want to invite the woman over, since she’s “such a good person” and a “good friend.” Grrrr. Fortunately, she lives very far away.