Life-long best friend was best man at our wedding. Marriage was rough, mostly my fault. They had a fling. Wife & I divorced (for many reasons), they saw each other sporadically for years. After initial bitterness, I made up with each of them (separately, as they were apart at the time). They’ve been valuable friends to me. They are now married and I rejoice in their happiness, since I love them both.
Life’s too short for resentment.
Sharing joy is much more gratifying.
Eh, I’ve never been on that side - I’m always ‘The Other Man’. Looking back, I have a pretty bad record - 4 out of the 7 women I have had sex with were involved in relationships with other men at the time, one married, two living with the guy. I also ‘fooled around’ with another married woman, but didn’t do anything that would be described as sex by most people’s standards.
I don’t go after them, I think I just don’t appeal to single women.
Never happened to me, but I once read an amusing newspaper article about a dude who was simultaneously dating three women, neither of whom knew about the other two. Eventually they all found out, became great friends, and sued the dude.
Pretty amusing.
Friends?! wha-- I mean rea… ptthfhthhffff
<grrrrrrrumble grumble bee-yatch and that fella>
Friends? No way.
Revenge? Oh yes!
It helps that my dad used to do the taxes for the commanding General of the post where the “other fella” was stationed.
“G’bye John! Hope that eighteen-month tour in Korea works out well for ya!”
MWAAAA-HAAAAH-HAAAH-HAAH!!!
- I meet this girl (Linda) in a bar and we get along very well. I was a total wuss about these sorts of things so I say good by at closing time and start to leave. She stopped me, handed me her phone number and told me to call her.
I wait the requisite three days and give her a call and we plan to meet for dinner that Saturday. Things go really well and I spend the night at her place. We made plans for her to come to my place a couple of days later. I can’t remember whatall we did but at the end of the night we went to my bed room and started to get busy. Suddenly she stopped and said that she had something to tell me. Yup, she had a long time boy friend (Leo) who had moved away but they were still together. Not only that, he was moving back to town that week end. “Well we might as well get some sleep,” I said. She made it clear that that wasn’t all that she wanted to do so I have to admit that I did do her one last time. OK, it was more like three last times but I was much younger then.
The next week end I’m back at the same bar. All of Linda’s friends are there but not Linda. I was approached by this guy who introduced himself as John and asked me if I knew Linda.
“Uh, well I met her here a few days ago.”
“Do you know her boy friend, Leo?”
“No, but I’ve heard of him.”
“Well you should know that the two of them are really, really in love and they’ve been together for eight years.”
I didn’t realize it at the time but, of course, it was really Leo who was talking to me. I felt like shit. He was a truely nice guy.
I would still hang out with Linda from time to time but nothing ever came close to happening again. Sometimes Leo would be there too and we got along well. We both just pretended that the “John” incident never happened.
Last I heard Linda and Leo got married. I hope that they have had nothing but the best of lives together.
Haj
Sorta. Some. (There were lots.)
A few honestly had no idea he was married. They were good women who fell into a trap. I can’t say I ever reached out to any of them; too numbed and tapped out for that. They reached out to me, mostly from a sincere need to apologize. It was–awkward. But listening to them, trying to help them past the trauma ultimately helped me to break free myself. They were honest, good-hearted people who were duped–and hurt.
The others? The “so what, I want him, you’re in the way” ones? Ptui, I spit. He’s living with the most ruthless of the me-first types. (She hated my guts for being in her way.) And now he’s making HER life a living, breathing hell.
I take a certain satisfaction in that. What goes around comes around. Be very careful what you ask for because you just might get it. Be careful who you step on to get what you want. Etc. No, that isn’t nice. But it’s satisfying. Will we ever be friends? HA! On my better days I can muster up a certain distant pity.
Most days though? ::joyous laughter:: Oh well.
Veb
I want to say up front that I’m not defending adultery.
BUT, it has been my observation that evil demons are not married to perfect saints.
And if the reasonably good spouse is married to an incorrigible cheater (or abuser, or whatever)…well, why are they with them in the first place?
Children are victims. Adults are volunteers.
I think we’ve been through this topic before. In my experience (which sounds very similar to what okielady, Edlyn, and Oreo said), the type of men who cheat are quite often charmers, very smooth, and almost always pathological liars.
Somehow they get away with it.
My ex cheated quite a lot. I never cheated on him. He always had a good excuse for where he’d been. I was naive (and young) enough to believe him up to a point. I was trying to make my marriage work. I did not jump into divorce lightly. It was like a ton of bricks hitting me one day. All of a sudden I realized, “Wait a minute” and that was the end. Everything fell into place and I realized what a total fool I had been. We were only together for a little over two years, so it wasn’t like I was a complete idiot. (although sometimes I wonder… :rolleyes: )
I have with an SO, not spouce.
It stems from one of my basic tenets of behavior under rough circumstances. I’m selfish. I focus almost completely on trying to have grace, compassion, and a touch of class in rough stuff.
So me and (now ex)SO worked out his whole cheating thing. And then I had to meet her, and she was still very fond of him. It turned into quite a pleasant evening, considering she was waiting for me to kill her. And she apologised by the end of it and we were friends for as long as she stayed in town. It worked okay.
I think it went okay because I was secure in the relationship, and the relationship was pretty free and wild as it was. I don’t know how I’d handle being cheated on in a marriage. I see Sos as practice for the “real thing” of marriage. My point of view as to what is acceptable changes.