I know it's getting warmer out, but...

The BBQ Pit
1

Years of experience, (and this cite for you picky buggers) tell me that crime and general hooliganism increase once it starts to get warmer out. Once the temps rise, people can be outside and thus interact, which eventually leads to problems. My question is now, as it has always been…

WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE™*?

You just get past the doldrums of winter, and spring is beginning to fade into the often glorious midwestern summer months, and all you idiots can think about is stealing shit, breaking shit, fighting, drinking until the wee hours of the morning and disturbing the peace in the process.
You’re playing all kinds of loud (and usually not very good) music until those same wee hours, calling 9-1-1 on legally parked cars, and kids innocently playing in the park (just because YOU think they’re up to no good, doesn’t mean they are, ya crotchety bastages).

Why don’t you just enjoy the brief-but-pleasant summer months, and get outside and do some constructive bloody things? Clean up the yard, mow the lawn, take the dog/kid/wife/husband etc. for a walk, paint the house, whatever. Just knock off the bullshit.

Sure, have a pint or three, i’m the last one to complain about that, but for fucks sake, hold your booze, or leave it alone. I’ll never understand what it is about the warm weather that makes people want to fight with other people, with or without the booze, they’re squabbling in the streets like stray dogs over scraps. Why? It’s finally nice out, just enjoy the weather, and stop it! Fecking citizens.

2

You tell 'em. :smiley:

During a previous summer my neighbor was out in the middle of the street at 4 a.m. hollering “fuck you” at her SO, and whapping him with a lawn chair. Never did find out what that was all about, other than it was 4 a.m. and they were both staggering drunk.

3

Controversies are fun!

4

Warm weather is perfect for breaking shit, getting ripped on 40’s, and screaming incoherently. Who would want to do that in a snow storm or even rain? :slight_smile:

5

At least two or three times a summer, the neighbor couple from accross the street has an hours-long, walking-up-and-down-the-street-at-3AM drunken, screaming fight.

It’s actually pretty entertaining.

“I only married you because your mother made me feel guilty, you slut!”
“No, you married me because I came home and sucked your fucking dick every fucking day!”

And so on.

6

I have three words for you: Rutting Season.

(I know its two words but it’s a wee in-joke between me and my girlfriend that I thought I might share with you all in the hope it may catch on)

I too have noticed this phenomena, I personally think we are all still basically monkeys and when there whether gets warm we all start screeching at each other and flinging faeces over small things like territory and possible sexual partners. You do realise that the translation of ‘Ook ook eek eeeek’ is 'Are you looking at my bird pal?

7

When the weather’s hot and sticky,
That’s no time for dunking dickie.
When the frost is on the punkin
THAT’S the time for dickie dunkin’.

– wise old saying

8

Yesterday was the first really nice day we’ve had in awhile, and I witnessed some bad behavior just last night. I was out walking my dog in the park around 9pm, and there were 3 teenage boys who were determined to break the playground equipment. This playground was newly reburbished less than a year ago. I stopped and gave them a really dirty look while I allowed my dog to inspect every blade of grass for about 5 minutes. They noticed I was watching them and they stopped, but I heard them resume after I walked away.

Real nice.

9

You’re too sadly right, buttonjockey.

The couple next door got started just yesterday, one of the first decent semi-warm days we’ve had around here.

So of course the two of them start a screaming match in their driveway, just after sunset. Over whether to plant any “fucking Harlequin Maple saplings! Why the FUCK can’t you just SHUT THE FUCK UP about it!? CHRIST! I’m so…FUCKING…SICK of hearing about FUCKING MAPLE SAPLINGS!” That last shouted with such force it sounded like he was choking. Then more back-and-forth in hissed, lowered tones for a minute or two, followed by the sound of their door slamming. Perhaps it’s some sort of foreplay for them but it’s an instant bummer for the rest of us, lemme tell ya.

I’m not sure whether alcohol was involved or whether those two even need any. Come summertime, everyone within ear-shot on my block hears way, WAY too much about their problems. Yay, us. :rolleyes: