“Thanks! I bought it myself!”
Yep. Often this means that you can effectively disarm an aggressor by pretending to understand them literally, and responding accordingly. They are forced to either make their jerkishness much more obvious to everyone around, or to fold. They may really modify their outlook, because it’s harder to be ugly toward someone who is nothing but nice back.
So if you’re somehow not sure whether a remark is friendly or critical, respond to the friendly interpretation as enthusiastically as you can.
I think it was, but what I was trying to convey was that my early family dining experiences set the tone for later non-familial dining interactions, if that makes any sense. We’re talking about subtle changes in tone of voice that a 5 year-old may or may not pick up on. That sounded like a social cue that I would have never detected until I was at least an adult in my early 20s. All the fussing over who was eating what and how much, and attempts to be gentle or kind about it (which came off as passive-aggressive attempts to control) just set up a little anxiety cloud that sometimes still follows me around a bit at mealtimes. I work really hard at not lashing out or being defensive because I realize that my co-workers, for example, have no idea what kind of food issues I have.
Example: Went out for sushi with a group of friends. Ate most of my sushi; left one piece on the plate because I was full. Guy I Liked (at the time), glances at my plate and makes a comment about how I was just unable to clear it and finish that last bite. Even if I had still been hungry enough to eat it, I wouldn’t have. The minute he drew attention to how much I’d eaten-- as if it’s up to him to judge when I’m full or not – I shut down and couldn’t eat.
See, the parents would never believe me. “Mom, I’m FULL!” “Oh, just eat one more bite.” What that’s about is wanting to be treated as though I know myself and I know my own limits, up to and including when I’m full. To be treated like a child who doesn’t know when I’m finished eating smacks of nothing but patronizing disrespect and jacks up my anxiety level by orders of magnitude. When the anxiety is triggered, my stomach gets upset and I can’t eat. Now I’m feeling pressured to eat more, more, more – food I don’t really want – because someone has drawn attention to me in what sounds like a critical way.
I’m fine if I’m eating with a person or people who mind their own damn plates and offer me the same respect.
I have this same exact thing and…
this is largely why.
I went through a phase of very strong social anxiety and eating in front of other people was just horrible for me. I knew, in my heart of hearts, that not eating in a group of people who had specifically gotten together to eat was actually causing more attention, but it took a very long time to overcome it.
Uh-oh…I have this, too. 
There’s something about the pulling and buttoning and arranging that I would prefer to do in private.
Huh. I always thought you were a chick, but apparently … you’re my husband! (He would react to this situation in the exact same way as you, for exactly the same reasons.)
Or your husband is my brother.
Except I don’t have one. 
Fair enough, I can understand being self conscious about the change, I felt somewhat the same way after breaking my nose badly some years ago and needing repair work.
As an aside, in the interests of sharing, big ears run in my family – I mean big in the sense of the British royals’… seeing a photo of my Dad as a young man with ginger hair, buck-teeth, and ears that could have been used for semaphore it’s somewhat of a wonder to me that he managed to breed. 
I’ve checked my Dummies book and can’t find a recommendation… except that if the elective surgery is breast enhancement then there is no acceptable options for “Hey, great new…”
I never met anyone like that, nor witnessed the vegetarian behavior as mentioned above. Imho, vegetarians are the ones who annoy other people by trying to get people to either a) notice them, b) complement them, or c) accept their beliefs. Really, I don’t care and…can I have your bacon?
What I would suspect though is that people who do comment on food come from an area with limited choices, so they literally can’t imagine somebody eating differently.
Yeah, but do you even know divemaster’s wife? :dubious:
There’s a woman I work with who will, without fail, comment on or otherwise eyefuck anyone’s food. I actually go out of my way not to let her see me with any food at all, otherwise I will hear “Whatcha got there?” and I have to tell her so she’ll go away.
It’s the indignity of it I dislike - as you say, the tugging and tucking and and fastening. I’d just rather it wasn’t witnessed.
I live and work in central London, as do my colleagues, so I find this hard to believe. Within 5 minutes from our office you can get Thai, Chinese, Japanese, Indian, Mexican, French, Italian, and quite a lot else, so their choices really aren’t that limited.
I don’t know how you suffer this bitch. I would be nano seconds from turning her over my knee and taking off my belt.
Tell her I’m going to eat two pieces of greasy ass fried chicken and one piece of watermellon in front of white people for every piece of chicken she won’t eat.
Why yes, of course you can…
I’ve been known to order bacon just to hand it over to my carnivorous dining companion. As long as you don’t cook bacon in my house (takes forever to get the stench of bacon grease out of the kitchen), you can have my pork products.
But I will still stab you in the back of your hand with my fork if you try to take it off my plate.
I once met someone who believed that as a vegetarian, I couldn’t eat bread. “Bread’s not a vegetable!”
She still dips her fries in ketchup? Doesn’t she know that mayonnaise is the preferred condiment in Belgium? Where they were actually invented!
It’s obnoxious, but I’ve gotten so used to it by now that I don’t feel self-conscious any more. Most people seem fascinated by what I eat (lots of odd and colorful things, admittedly), and by my weight, and the relation between the two. They don’t just comment, they want to have a conversation about it!
Co-workers and customers: STFU about what I eat. Especially if you’re just trying to get into some negative digs at me, or even worse, at yourself.
One of my coworkers commented the other week that I was going to go broke if I keep eating at the cafeteria in our company’s lunchroom. Step off, ho! It’s way cheaper to grab a sandwich or salad up there than anywhere around here, and healthier too. I don’t bring my own lunches because we have at least one very prolific refrigerator raider, and I’m not risking getting my food stolen.
I used to have a manager who, every single time I was eating at my desk, would stop by and joke around about how mean I was for not getting him any. Then when I offered to share, he never wanted any. I hate small talk about nothing, god dammit. Especially when it’s about my food. Go away! (and he did, thank yevon)