So, wad – may I call you wad? – I see you standing there, setting your keys and possibly every possession you own that you couldn’t stuff in your ugly SUV on the counter, and giving that look. I know what you’re thinking.
You’re thinking “Wow, all those people standing in line are so clueless! They’re standing in front of the register that has an employee behind it, smiling and taking orders, while this empty register has no line at all! Obviously any second now, an employee will come running to assist me, as I am first in line here at this register no-one else seemed to notice!”
Sometimes, wad, I will lean over from where I’m slaving over a hot espresso machine, and politely indicate the location of the real line, or just “She can help you right over there.” You give me this look of MUCH indignation, sigh heavily, pack up your keys, wallet, checkbook, passport, warranty, registration, and Gods know what else and huff off to the other line.
But sometimes I don’t bother. And you stand there, getting more and more impatient that us insolent brats are helping the people who are actually standing in line! That we won’t drop whatever we’re doing to rush to Your Royal Highness’ aid! Finally, either the heavens open and you are zapped with a Mighty Iron Clue, or you storm off in a huff. What a shame, I didn’t feel like making your drink anyway.
On a side note, if you are fortunate enough to have been gifted with a Clue, and you order from the register with the smiling employee behind it, and she sets your drink in line to be made, you come over to where I’m working, lean on the counter, and bloody STARE at me!
What the gibbering fuck! It’s not as if we haven’t given you a million other things to do while waiting for your damn drink! Read the damn bulletin board! Look at our Starlight Foundation poster and consider for one split second in your weasel-nipping yuppie life doing something for someone ELSE! Grab a seat! Look at the crap we’re selling! If nothing else, start a yak-shaving conversation with me (Yes! I talk! You don’t need to push a button or anything!).
Look, asswad, if I wanted to spend my days being stared at by vapid idiots, I’D BE A MOTHERFUCKING STRIPPER! Hell, I’d be making more money. This is a coffee store, not the smegging L.A. Zoo! Either hit on me or take your bulging eyeballs somewhere the fuck else!
pant pant pant re-reads rant gives it a 1.2 because it’s well spelled and grammatically sound
Sorry, folks. I’m just cranky after the Shift that Wouldn’t Die. My next rant will be about something interesting, intriguing and important, I promise. My apologies for wasting your electrons. I think I’ll take some drugs and go to bed now.
