I know you're embarrassed about it, but you're just making it worse.

Yeah, I’m talking to you Mr. Toupee-Guy. I’m sure you’re embarrassed about your balding head, but the toupee just points it out. If you just went natural, I wouldn’t even notice.

And you Mr. Showers-Wearing-Underwear, what do you think you’re hiding? All of us naked guys wonder what you’re trying to cover up. When I see you working out in the gym I think, “There’s that guy who wears underwear in the shower.” If you just left your underwear in your locker, you’d blend into all the other generic naked guys in the shower.

And you too Miss Overweight-Chick-With-Tight-Pants. I’m sure those size 6 jeans do look good, but they lose a lot of their appeal when you should really be in a size 14.

Really, we’ll love you for who you are. You’re not fooling anyone and you’re just making it worse.

I’ve done that once, at summer camp, when I was 10, wearing tighty-whities :smack: . It took one glance down (& a few at the other boys) do realize how silly I was. Alot of other boys did too, but we all more than got over it by the end of the week. :wink:

That’s one thing I learned as a shy kid: You draw a lot more notice by being The Kid Who Won’t Participate than you do if you just go with the flow. Go with the flow, I say!

I saw this guy on the subway a few days ago: Mr. Combover Supreme! The strands of hair on his shiny scalp were gathered into thicker lines that were spaced with mathematical evenness, and the area they covered ended at a carefully-assembled hairline.

The effect was as if someone had outlined his hairline with a fineline marker, and then drawn diagonal fill lines across it. I half-expected to see a note in block letters instructing, “Add hair here.”

I’d rather be bald.

It doesn’t look like I’ll have a choice in the matter.

Years ago, also in the Toronto subway, a friend and I were waiting on the Bloor/Yonge platform for the subway when the subway arrived in a gust of wind that carried an older woman’s wig clean off her head and a good twenty feet down the platform. She did the typical embarassed head-cover before dashing after her escaping follicles. I was inches away from leaping back and screeching, “Aagh! Dead cat! Deaaad cat!

I’m also squicked out by aging crones that try and look as young as possible in every way they can possibly control. I’ll see someone ahead of me with, say, long, straight, blonde hair, fit-looking, contemporary clothes, etc. And then she turns round and I’m faced with the last panel of a “Faces of Meth” poster. Auugh!

I mean, from the back you could be behind some 20-something hottie – but no. The turn-and-reveal ends up being a scene straight out of Ghost Story.

Mindfield, if I went bald you can bet your ass I would buy a wig.

looks at long, flowing tresses
shudders

I am a pretty simple, low-maintenance girl, but I gotta admit my hair is one of my vanities. I think I would just cry if I lost it.

Combovers and stuff I agree with. The right kind of bald guy can be very sexy - the one with the confidence to carry it off. I also agree with the old woman + super-made-up body. It seems to me that the West is forgetting how to age gracefully.

You got that right :smiley:

Combovers are pretty bad. I like to think I’ve been fooled by a toupee before, but a combover is unmistakable. I had a philosophy instructor with a terrible combover that usually wound up looking like Big Ern’s hair by the end of the class period.

The worst combover I ever saw was when I worked at a local grocery store in high school. There was this one guy who used to come in all the time, who was fairly bald. Only he’d do a combover only over the FRONT of his head, leaving a big shiny circle in the back.

Speaking of combover horrors - I had a prof in university who had a combover that, during the heat of lectures, would invariably lift up to become a sort of off-centre mohawk.

Very radical, but not I think the effect intended. :smiley:

Hey, I resemble that remark.

I am 59 years old. I have long, wavy, red hair with very little grey in it. I am trim and fit, and I don’t dress in stereotypical “old lady” clothes.

I don’t look the way I do because I am trying to please you. My husband likes this look, and I like it. If you kids don’t like it, well, you can just get the hell off my lawn. :stuck_out_tongue:

He may mean something different. But I mean those people who get the fake suntans, the bleached blond hair, the heavy makeup, etc., etc. I will not cut my hair when I grow old, nor will I endeavor to look old - neither will i flee from my age! And that’s what it seems these women are doing.

I doubt your face looks like the CryptKeeper, though.

There’s a lady who rides the same bus I do to work, who does this. It’s rather creepy; she’s edging into animatronic-robot territory. Thing is, she’s in pretty good shape physically. If she’d just lose the monochrome fake skin colour and the shiny skin texture and let her hair become a glorious silver mane*, like the drop-dead gorgeous but oh-so-intimidating receptionist at my work does, she’d look pretty good.

[sub]*Or whatever the female equivalent of a mane is.[/sub]

So, how you doin’? :slight_smile:

[sub]Married. Drat.[/sub]

Haha, I like how this post was edited! You guys are too funny sometimes!

There’s an elderly man I sometimes see in the supermarket. He’s at least well into his 70s, or more. He’s got a jet-black combover, and his scalp is also painted black. His eyebrows and moustache are dyed black, not just the hairs but the skin as well. I feel like shaking him and yelling “Do you have any idea how grotesque you look?”

You have me laughing, because mentioning comb overs reminds me of a boss so many years ago. Outside when he was talking to you the flap would rise up during a gust. He would be talking and I stiffling a laugh. A couple times a minute, the hair would go up like a coffin lid, and slowly fall back down. He left the invoice for his new car in the window over a year also.

That reminds me of the guy I used to work with – not trying to hide anything, but he had a buzzcut but he had very thinning hair and he let it grow out sometimes.

He must have used some megagel because it was like he had a thin layer of hair sticking straight up almost three inches!

Yes, I’m referring to the older women who are deliberately trying to look 20-something from every other angle but end up completely throwing the whole look into a flaming tailspin because no amount of foundation, moisturizer, makeup or poly-filla can cover up the fact that they look 90 – though that doesn’t stop them from trying anyway. I know the woman is trying valiantly to hide her true age, but that level of desperate vanity ends up becoming a visceral self-parody that makes her seem even older.

Don’t get me wrong, I really don’t mind someone trying to smooth out a few wrinkles, liven up the skin, shine up the hair or whatever, but subtlety is the key – the whole less-is-more thing. Accentuate, don’t plaster over.

Wait, did I just audition for Queer Eye?