It was probably something like this stuff. I’ve seen its (old) infomercial. (Well, a Ronco infomercial that featured this as part of its line) It was pretty funny. 
Any time a guy around here in his 40s or above tries to improve his looks, the tongues wag. "Oh, look who’s trying to recapture their twenties. When’s the Red Corvette going to show up in the parking deck? giggle " Sadly, there have been a few men in positions of authority that this was true about. Its just not going to be true about me.
Why would I want to recapture my twenties? My twenties, mostly, sucked. I want to make my forties be better than my twenties should have been!
Come to the Dog Track folks, your worst nightmares realized:
The Comb Over Dude- He combs it FORWARD, into little short bangs in a straight line across his forehead.
The Old Crone-Gotta be 80, wearing high heels, miniskirts, too much tan and way, way too much leopard print.
The Cheese Doodle- 20ish waitress well on her way to being the Old Crone, way, way too tan, way, way too blonde and for what it’s worth, way, way, way too stupid.
The Rug-Very nice quiet man, always was a pleasure to have at the table, always well dressed and groomed. Showed up a few weeks ago sportin’ a rug. It’s pretty terrible if I can tell you got a rug. I couldn’t spot a prostitute on Biscayne Blvd. I worked for a guy for 2 years before I realized he was hair-clubbing it.
Footnote: My husband wore a hat for years denying his premature balding. He finally shaved his head (couldn’t wear a hat to a wedding, Thanks Robert) and has never looked back. He has a great head. I much prefer it and it has certainly opened my eyes to the wonderfulness that baldness brings. Accept your head!
…if only I could get the chance…