I second all the motions about having your funeral wishes written out in advance. I got really specific with mine, right down to the choice of readings in the Book of Common Prayer(I’m Episcopalian) and especially the music. I HATE the low, soft and solemn stuff that so often gets played. I love a good pipe organ(and our cathedral has a beaut!) and I said I want the service music, both before and during, to be the kind where the organist has to use both feet on the pedals and pull out all the stops. After all, it’s going to be the LAST time I ever have a chance to have things done my way. I told them about my coffin too, that I want the cheap box in the back the John Does get buried in. It’s a sin to spend so much money on something that will get buried. All of the instructions are stored in three places. One with me, one with my sister who is executor of my will, and one is on file at the church office. And all three places also have my living will and my power of attorney for health care decisions. Those are important too.
Just want to second pesch on the obituary thing. I work at a small town daily (circ 5,000) which is part of a chain of 15, mostly weeklies.
We get our information from the funeral homes for the same reasons. And we occaionally run into someone who feels slighted for not being included. If it’s an unintended goof on the part of the person who gave the info to the funeral director, we are willing to rerun the obituary with the correct information (for free, as it’s a matter of public record). We do NOT get in between squabbling family members. There is just no way to win in that situation.
We do include survivors down through grandchildren and great-grandchildren, which reflects the nature of our small town market. Readers want those connections in small towns. They may not know who Bessie Jane Struthers was, but if they see that it was Bob Smith’s grandmother, they can offer their condolences to Bob the next time they see him.
As for same sex partners and nonmarried significant others, we’ll put in whatever the funeral home sends (usually using the old “longtime companion” form).
Also on a personal note, lost my dad in 1994 and my wife at age 47 in 1996. Both times a local funeral home was professional, sympathetic, not greedy and sincerely helpful. They aren’t all bozos, but those who are sure stand out.
You should also place copies with your personal physician and, if there’s a particular hospital which you would use, the hospital, to be kept with your chart.
Is it me or is it becoming much too complicated to die nowadays?
THat’s why it pays to have a dad in the funeral business.
