Good luck on your date.
The January phone call bothers me, though (in fact, it bothers me so much I was thinking about it last night when I was trying to get to sleep). I don’t see how you can really move on while you’re still hanging on to the possibility that she might call you then, on the offchance that she has resolved her issues with her parents, grown up ten years, and can convince you that she’ll never hurt you again.
** Happy Scrappy Hero Pup**,
I just had to react to this. The older I get (I’m not quite 30) the more I think that encouraging all high school students who have the grades and the money to go immediately “do not pass go” to college is a mistake. Many students get to college, start taking classes and maybe even choose a major and graduate without having a clue what they want to do with the rest of their lives. Then they pursue graduate school because it beats finding a real job. Others make other choices, but a large number of people change careers dramatically later in life because the choices they made at eighteen were not informed choices. I don’t know how to fix the “problem” that I’ve diagnosed.
Anyway, at present, I am a graduate student in an Information Science (Library science, information technology, etc.) program. About half of my classmates are under 30, some by a lot. The other half are scattered up to almost 60. In talking with people in other areas of my life, I’ve been surprised by how many people
think a man of 50-something who is going back to school must be a chronic loser who can’t hold a job. These people see nothing wrong with a woman of 50 going back to school to get a degree that will help her to have a career (as opposed to a job) especially if she dedicated 20 or so years of her life to raising children and preparing them for college.
Fairness compells me to admit that I’ve heard that sentiment from probably only about 2 people, one of whom has a loser brother who went back to school for an MLS and hasn’t used it. Also, at least one of the men whom I enjoy talking about has lead an interesting life- which means he’s done a wide variety of things that don’t meet the approved life for middle class men- (time in armed forces optional either here or after college) college (grad school optional) get real job, support wife and family. If lose job, get another, keep working until time to retire.
Still, it is funny how some people react to people who don’t meet their expectations. You seem to have your head on straight. You are better off without the girlfriend or her parents. Twenty-two is pretty young. She may yet grow up and get out from under their thumbs. In the meantime, I sure hope for her sake that the educational path she is following is one that will suit her and support her.
Seems to me that they have someone they can effectively control - play with, if you will. Until such time as this woman is able to live without their help (and, very possibly, with their attempts to keep her corralled), it’s a very difficult case to be made for saying “screw it, I can rescue her.” She doesn’t know how to manage without them, and since they’ve built the last 20+ years of their life out of their daughter, they will hold onto her as long as they can, bending and shaping her according to what they want - not necessarily for her, but for their vision of what they want (her) to be.
The only way you two would have worked out, I bet, is if they thought of it first or someone in their circle to whom they look up had been dating you first. As is, in their eyes they probably lose social standing if their precious, beloved daughter marries “some 30-year-old pre-law” who, I’d personally bet, they know could show them up financially right now and would probably do so quite easily in the future if he had the desire (I doubt you do).
Consider this, too, if you haven’t already: her psyche is, by now, rather well conditioned toward needing acceptance etc. from her parents. If they stop giving her that, do you have the resources to support her emotionally?