Here’s my other question(s):
[ul]
[li]Are you already sleeping together?[/li][li]Have you otherwise been tested for STDs?[/li][/ul]
Any reputable source on herpes will tell you that people may have viral shedding before they’er aware that they’re having an outbreak.
I’d think twice about having sex with anybody with an STI who won’t make reasonable accommodations to decreasing their partner’s risk.
I laughed so hard at that I’m definitely going to hell.
KHAAAAAAAAANNNNNN!!!
I think that suppressed immune system + refusal to use condoms = greater concerns than just herpes…
Well, I’m well into adulthood and I’m pretty sure I don’t have herpes. If only 25% of the population has it, I imagine most people posting to this thread don’t have it.
Honestly, if she never uses condoms, I’d be more concerned about what other STD she may have that she just doesn’t know about yet.
Also, to everybody who is talking about cold sores and herpes, I think a lot of people confuse canker sores with cold sores, and thus incorrectly self diagnose themselves with oral herpes. They’re not the same thing. (IANAD)
I stand corrected, I think there is actually a 3 already. OUTBREAK PART 4 - Attack of the Killer Herpes.
The infection rate varies by population and age. Last I read, approximately 60-65 percent of African-American adults are HS2 positive versus about 15-18 percent for “whites.” These figures were sometime in the last 5 years, IIRC. Maybe someone can provide an actual cite, but I recollect a surprisingly huge differential.
BTW, many people are asymptomatic.
Seriously 
I know the stats used to be one in six adults, but I really think it’s like 25% percent of adults now, if not more. (And on preview, that is, in fact, what Chronos said.) Shoot, it’s so common now that when I had an atypical breakout on my face (i get “cold sores” on my cheekbone – lovely), my doctor didn’t even test to see which sort of herpes it was… he just asked, “Have you ever been diagnosed with any sort of herpes before, oral or genital? yeah?” and wrote a script for Valtrex.
kenwood, hon, I think you’re just hung up on the STD aspect of the whole thing, as is natural for someone who hasn’t been confronted with it personally before. Herpes doesn’t shorten anyone’s lifespan. (Are you maybe confusing it with the chronic hepatitis viruses?) Do some research, ask your doctor about it. Like the Afterschool Specials taught us, “knowledge is power.” If you love this woman, it will be a minor inconvenience at best.
The only thing that gives me pause is her reluctance to use condoms. There’s a lot of shame tied up in this issue for most folks, and I wonder whether the idea of condom usage is just reinforcing for her that she’s a “dirty girl” who got a STD. I support you in talking with her gently and affirmatively about this in a way that helps her know you only want to protect your own health because of your immuno-compromised state. It will very probably bring you that much closer together. 
Anaamika, right, but in your original post, you only linked to the Mouth Ulcer page, which has a picture of a canker sore, not a cold sore. Then you said you didn’t have any like in the picture, so I felt that your point was still unclear.
I’m trying to agree with you.
She is having an outbreak now. Also, she saw a white spot in her mouth and would not kiss. I have no known cold sores or history of STD’s but if I get checked (blood test) and I do have it but never show signs of it - maybe I’ll go with it. But if I don’t already have any exposure to it - I guess it is goodbye.
Get a type-specific herpes antibody test, like HerpeSelect. It’s possible you have herpes and have never shown symptoms. And if you test positive for HSV-2, you got nothing to worry about. You’re not going to get it from her – you already have it. And something like 90% of the US population aged 50 and above is positive for HSV-1.
Oh, I know. I’m not trying to disagree either! I was simply agreeing, trying to repost my original link, and adding the link from where I got the original info.
The fact that I am apparently inept at doing so just made it all the more difficult!
And I don’t have time to look right now but upon some brief glances the stats of herpes look to be about 20- to 20%. I’ll look more later.
Thank you ALL!!! You are so kind to weigh in on my decision. AGAIN THANK YOU EVRYONE!!! Kenwood
I was exposed via an exboyfriend who didn’t feel it was important enough to tell me about.
I was told testing for it was useless, because pretty much anyone who made it through kindergarten alive will test positive. My husband and I have been together 12 years, he’s never had an outbreak. Then again, his whole family has cold sores and scripts for valtrex. For women, the risk is much greater due to the risks during childbirth.
I’m with the above posters. The unwillingness to wear condoms is a MUCH higher risk factor for me because it shows a pattern of behavior that is destructive. Who the hell in this day and age doesn’t use condoms? And excuse the tone, but “But I love her.” just pisses me off. Look buddy, you have a suppressed immune system, you could drop off any second, there are more frightening things out there floating around. How about this scenario? She ditches your “prone to infection” butt for someone more physically perfect so that she doesn’t have to take the risk of living alone…FOREVER!!!
Here’s a hint, ask her about living with it. Talk to your doctor. Google a bit.
Given that most relationships don’t last, you should consider how much more difficult it would be to form new relationships if you should get it from her, especially if you hope to become a father someday. (That pic of the infected baby on the Wiki link is appalling.)
And her “no condoms” attitude is ludicrous. How do you know she’s HIV negative? How about asking her to take an HIV test while you’re getting tested for herpes?
I think you should drop her like a slippery petri dish.
Really good article about the difference between HSV 1 and HSV 2:
I have genital HSV 1 (and “shocked” does not begin to describe what I was when I was diagnosed at age 46). I made it my mission to educate myself as completely as I could. (Geez, maybe I should start an “Ask the HSV-positive person” thread.)
Don’t count on your doctor having accurate info. My doctor told me that A) a virus culture could not determine type (WRONG!) and B) it didn’t matter anyway which type it was (ALSO WRONG!).
Here’s a great support site:
http://racoon.com/herpes/
On their discussion boards, you’ll find lots of good info, and many discussions similar to this one.
The OP is really looking for informed opinions rather than the specific factual answer to a specific question.
Let’s try IMHO.
samclem