Would you consider dating someone with herpes?

In this thread Taenia spp. mentioned that herpes “is not a big deal”. Keep in mind that s/he was saying that herpes is not a big deal in comparison to HIV which is most definitely a huge deal. But it got me thinking. Just how big of a deal is herpes?

Would you consider dating someone who informed you that they genital herpes? For the purposes of the poll let’s say that they have a minor case (not too disgusting, visually) but obviously with a risk of infecting others. For the poll let’s say that the person is someone you’d definitely consider dating under normal circumstances but I’m not going to say that they’re otherwise perfect (if you answered “no” to the poll but would be willing if the person was indeed otherwise perfect feel free to share). So, how 'bout it?

Edit: I don’t have herpes. :stuck_out_tongue:

Sure, I’d consider it. I say that with the realization that I don’t know just how difficult it is to prevent transmission, and whether that means there can’t ever be spontaneous sex. But being willing to date someone isn’t the same thing as making a lifetime commitment. So yes, I’d be willing to try, and if things worked out well and we were really into each other, I’m sure we could work out a way to try to keep the transmission issue under control. And if it seemed like too big a hurdle to overcome, then we could go our separate ways.

No way.
One of my best friends has had to deal with that for over 20 years. It is a hassle I’d rather not ever have to deal with. Why the heck would I want to risk having to mess with cootchie sores for the rest of my life?

How much has it hurt his/her ability to find dates?

A very good friend of mine has active herpes. She has been married for 20 years, and with her husband for years before that. They are careful during outbreaks, which she can always feel coming on, and her husband has not gotten herpes in all those years. I think she said she takes the medication that is used during an outbreak, not daily.

Another friend has asymptomatic herpes…no outbreaks, no symptoms at all, but has the potential to infect someone when the virus is active. But since she has no symptoms, and didn’t even know she had it, she has no idea when to be “safe”. She informed her current partner when they started getting to that point in the relationship, and he educated himself about the slight, very slight, according to the doctor, risk, and decided he was okay with that. After several years, he has not gotten infected. Another guy she was starting to date before her current fellow read all the information, got educated too, but decided he was too afraid. He had other issues, though, too, which made her decide to end it with him herself.

I have done a ton of reading on the subject myself, and the risk of transmission isn’t as high as you might think. And the severity of outbreaks varies, from horrific to meh. Especially after many, many years of living with the disease. My good friend with the active case says she may only get one or two outbreaks a year, and they are really minor irritations that don’t last long. And they aren’t always on the moist bits, either.

Since the statistics say that 25% of adults have been exposed to herpes at some point, and many, many of those are totally asymptomatic and may not even have any idea they have been exposed, it seems better to practice safe sex, and be honest, and be realistic and not run screaming from the cooties. You’re more likely to catch the flu from someone…and THAT could actually kill you!

Abso-fucking-lutely not. Sorry. Sex is an important part of my relationships and his VD would get in the way of that. I don’t think I can be attracted to a dick covered in open sores, even if it only flares up once every few years. I’d also rather not have my hoot oozing and burning.

Is that fair? Probably not. Is it even reasonable? Probably not. Have I fucked people with herpes without knowing it? Probably- 1/4 (I’ve heard it’s moving to 1/3) people in my age group have it. Still. No thanks.

Also, it’s easier, I’d imagine, for a non herp man to bang a herp chick and not contract (thank you, Trojan!)— whereas I’d have herpes infected balls slapping against me, not at all protected by a condom. Deal breaker x 100000000. To me, it’s literally on the same level as someone being HIV+ or having AIDS. I know it’s insensitive, I do, but it’s just a deal breaker to me.

Then why are herpes rates so high amongst 18-25 year olds?

Thanks for your response.

Just as an addition I’d like to point out that the hypothetical person is NOT asymptomatic, in case that matters to anyone.

Most likely not. It’s almost a dealbreaker.

The very few people I have known with herpes have been, to me, what I call extremely promiscuous (once you get over about a dozen, I consider that promiscuous). I’m not interested in promiscuous people.

I’m not saying there wouldn’t be a guy who could make me change my mind, but I doubt he exists.

I dated someone that was upfront and told a similar story {except she was no longer married} before we were sexually intimate. Her openness put me at ease and it wasn’t a problem.

over a dozen in how many years?

While promiscuous people probably do have higher rates of infection statistically, I think it’s important to emphasize you don’t have to be promiscuous to get it. Anyone who has slept with 3 or 4 people, as Diosa noted, has most likely been exposed to The Herp and may quite possibly be an asymptomatic carrier of it. Unless they have been bloodtested and shown to be negative, I’d assume the people who have been sleeping with someone with herpes for a long time and haven’t shown symptoms are just lucky enough to be asymptomatic carriers.

Still, since to the best of my knowledge I don’t have genital herpes, I would be very reluctant to get involved with someone who clearly had it. If I did date them, I wouldn’t sleep with them until marriage honestly. It’d be dumb to potentially infect yourself with an incurable disease that would make it harder to find other partners unless you are confident things are going to last for the long haul.

See, to me it’s the exact opposite. Why would you open yourself up for infection if you aren’t even going to stay with the person for the rest of your life?

Yup. In fact, the majority of people with the virus are asymptomatic or close.

I remember my mom having outbreaks of HSV-1 (“oral herpes,” which can infect the genital area as well) and us having to make sure to use separate towels, not kiss Mom during outbreaks, etc. She became asymptomatic eventually.

I see no reason to knowingly go into a sexual relationship with someone with a communicable disease. I made the mistake of dating someone with HIV when I was much younger and wouldn’t do that again either.

I voted “no”. I’m only 20 and I see no reason to risk exposing myself and having to live with that for the rest of my life. Maybe as I get older my attitude will change but for now, at least, it’s no. Just no.

(Hijack: And let’s not forget that about half of all men and over 75% of all women have some variety of HPV at some point in their lives, typically without ever knowing. Just being human is risky, apparently.)

Yup, that’s gross too. And actually, potentially much more dangerous.

Yet. . . not as gross as herpes to me. Probably due to lack of open sores.

But HPV includes genital warts… I wish I never looked at the wiki article…

Not to mention the chance of cancer of the cervix, penis, anus, or mouth. Of course, this all depends on what variety you get. You might get a benign version through extremely benign (non-sexual) means.

Ew. Can I get HPV from someone’s balls? I swear to God, balls ruin everything.