I love her, even though she's far away

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

She’s a great kisser, an excellent cook, loves babies and wants to have some of her own. (She’s 34, two years younger than me.) She’s always sweet, sentimental, somewhat self-critical, calls herself a “nag” even though she’s not–in fact, she’s helped to improve my health and lifestyle. I want to spend the rest of my life with her.

But, she lives in another country.

Perhaps we made a mistake by talking about the future too much. Perhaps we fell too hard, too fast, too early. When she came here to visit her relatives, she started to feel misgivings because the relationship started on the Internet. All her life, she had always been friends with someone before starting a romance with them (as opposed to “virtual friends”). We agreed to go slow, to take some pressure off. Then, because she was still feeling pressure, we agreed to just accept that we wouldn’t be lovers this time, on this trip.

I didn’t see her as much as I thought I would, because she spent a lot of time with her baby niece, currently the most important person in her life. I felt awkward about “competing” with a baby.

And now she’s leaving. She said she’d be back soon, and I could go over there to see her anytime.

I’m determined to show I didn’t just meet her for quick thrills. I’m going to keep in touch with her, with calls and letters and occasional serenades over the phone like before. I’m going to show her I have character and that I’m sure about her.

I wonder how long it will take.

I wonder if this sort of thing ever works out.

(sigh)

2

I’ve been in two long distance relationships. And neither of them worked out.

But, in all honesty, I think it has the same chance of working out as a close-distance relationship does. It really depends on the people involved.

3

Hate to be down on love, but you gotta know the odds are against you. Are you sure you’re in love with her, and not just in love with love?

4

I can’t help but be an optimist, myself.

I’m in a similar situation. Someone I talked to a lot online became very dear to me. There was one night when he was working on a Uni assignment, and it was 5 a.m. where he was and he was still at Uni from the previous night, still working on it. When he told me why he was still awake, I asked him if I ought to leave him alone so he could concentrate - he said, “Well, you probably should, but I’d rather you didn’t.”

It was the first time anyone has ever made me blush via ICQ.

A few days later we started talking through iparty (voice chat), and though for 2 years up to this point I rejected every guy who came my way in real life, and swore off men, and said I would never ever date again, and love was not worth it, the moment I heard his voice I knew that I would never feel that way again.

He lives in Australia, I live in America.

We talked a lot over ICQ and iparty, which is like using the telephone. So I knew that I wasn’t enchanted with a sense of humour that wouldn’t relay to real life - you know how you can sit there and ignore an icq message for a few minutes while you think of something witty to say, but in real life conversation you might not be so witty? That wasn’t how he was, he was just as witty and smart in conversation as he was over ICQ. I fell in love with him, and he with me, and it has changed our lives. I’ve been happier in the past year and a half than I’ve ever been, and I’m learning to be less neurotic and look at the bright side, something that he has taught me.

He came to visit me for two weeks in February of last year, and immediately I discovered that he -was- the person I had fallen in love with, there was no deception on his part. He was wonderful. There was no awkwardness, we finished each others’ sentences, there was an incredible level of intimacy between us as if we had been leaning against each other and cuddling all throughout our ICQ relationship. It was like meeting was just a formality, like our relationship was already cemented and whether we had met or not it would have been the same.

(This isn’t to say it was all cherries and roses, though, we did have an argument once, but it was resolved quickly, without anger or insult, and it was largely my fault because I’m neurotic about going out in public looking un-good grins)

I have plans to visit him in Australia for five weeks this winter. Then at the end of 2002 I am moving to Australia on a study visa and we are going to live together. There is nothing that has shaken our faith in one another yet, and we don’t think there ever will be. We are both certain in our love.

tclouie, it can work. All it takes is a little bit of patience, and two people willing to try. If it’s what you want, you can make it happen. Honest. Don’t give up!

5

Thank you for your story, Caiata, you have given me renewed hope. I will admit that your relationship seems rather farther along than mine, and rather less torturous to get into. Thank god neither one of you felt “funny” about moving from a “virtual” relationship to a “real” relationship.

If everything goes south for me, I will blame the Internet for ruining my life. (Making me fall in love, but dooming me from the start.)

Actually, Ashtar’s post made me feel kind of hopeful also, so thank you too.

Fonz: I have heard of the “in love with love” cliché, and I have thought about this. I have tried to imagine feeling this way toward anyone else: old friends, old crushes, women with more stunning faces or bodies, but it won’t take. So, I’m pretty sure I’m in love with this particular person.

Tom

6

The internet has been my life for many years. This is where I met my current partner. He is amazing and I love him. We now live together :))

A lot of my friends marriages broke up due to the internet and unfortunately mine was one of them… But things can work out take it from one who knows.

7

tclouie: We’re there. He’s american, I’m canadian, we’ve been an item for almost 3 years now. Getting married next summer.

It’s not easy, but it can be done. I’ll check in after the papooses start arriving :wink:

P.S. If one of you happens to be canadian, Primus’s ‘Small World Small Rate’ phone plan can’t be beat, at least if it can WILL SOMEONE PLEASE TELL ME!

8

{{tclouie}}

It’s not easy mate.

I know I miss nym horribly.
And yes, it can depend on the people. It’s not like a normal relationship - there are extra pressures even aside from communication problems. For it to work you need honesty and trust - have faith in the other person.

I used to struggle with the distance badly before I realised this. Now, the fact she loves me is enough to sustain me.

Do I miss her? Everyday. Do I wish I was closer? Far more often. Do I love her? Completely and utterly. So I’ll wait and work towards the day.

Love you Tonya.

9

Thanks for the encouragement guys.

Unfortunately it’s not American-Canadian. (That would be relatively easier, although I’m not disparaging the difficulty of the separation, Venoma) It’s not even two countries that speak the same language.

It’s North American-South American!!!

Which is still relatively easier than some pairings I could imagine. Just think of those who have Middle Eastern sweeties, for instance.

If you guys can make it work with faith, effort, trust and honesty, I can too.

Tom

10

smiles I aim to please, or something. Glad you got something positive from my story, tclouie :slight_smile:

Just one thing -

It’s all a matter of perspective.

Are your feelings for this woman real, or virtual?

If they’re real, it’s a real relationship, as far as I am concerned :slight_smile:

A lot of people give me hell about being involved in a “loser online relationship”. In fact before I met this guy online I was strictly against them myself. But now I’ve realised something - Love is special, wonderful, sacred, and beautiful no matter how it comes to you, and there is no reason to feel shameful just because love managed to come to you this way. Nor is it any “less” of a relationship. In fact, I think people like us can get up on a “high horse” of sorts grins knowing that we fell in love without the “distraction” of physical pleasure … that it’s pure, or something. :slight_smile: Of course, voicing that opinion in public is not always a wise idea.

And wow. You got a woman who speaks another language, that must score -very- high on the “sexy” factor :smiley: (I know my Aussie loves it when I read to him in Italian, even though he doesn’t speak a word of it. grins)

11

Caiata,

My feelings for her never changed. She changed when we came into closer proximity.

This love o’ mine had been getting grief from her bratty sibling about having a “virtual relationship,” but my love was quick and fierce to defend us. But, when we started seeing each other in person, she got nervous and started feeling weird because of the way we met. She felt it was too fast, which I can understand. But, for the very first time, she referred to our online relationship–hundreds of letters, dozens of phone calls, sharing every little thing about ourselves for months–as a “virtual” relationship, just like her bratty sister had said. Ouch.

She definitely scores high on the sexy scale, but I don’t know how much of that has to do with language. Any language can seem quite ordinary when you’re used to it. Maybe it’s her culture that makes her sexy. :wink:

Well, if you want, I could email you her picture, and you could judge for yourself. :slight_smile:

12

{sigh}

He’s in Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada.

I’m in San Diego, California, United States.

If I’d have been two weeks earlier coming to my big realization, we’d be together today.

:frowning:

Esprix

13

No, I’m not stalking you. :stuck_out_tongue: I was looking for more fun stuff, but I seem to have stumbled on a lovelorn column. This about who I think it’s about? Cheer up, if it’s meant to happen it will. Maybe not now, but someday. At least you know where he is. Do you still keep in touch?