Most cases fall in those shades of gray that make divvying up responsibility and earned assets tricky.
Doesn’t seem like this is one of them.
Yeah, but keep in mind a few facts. What the court hears may or may not represent reality. What Foxy40 says is reality may not be a 100 percent accurate either. And finally, what the court says is legal/fair vs what we/Foxy40 thinks is yet another monkey wrench in the works.
Unless the future ex SO of Foxy40 is a lazy doormat that can’t be even bothered to think about a lawyer I wouldn’t count on this being a no brainer.
This is obviously a bizarre case but I’ve often felt prenups should have an expiration date. In most marriages by the ten year mark it is totally impossible to separate who did what and who is responsible for what, holding people to a contract signed a decade prior is ridiculous.
Prenups are good for preventing scams, not so good for decades long marriages.
Honestly, I really don’t think the courts are going to hear or see much of anything. I don’t even think he will show up to court and the paperwork will just be filed. I guess it IS a possibility that the courts don’t like what they see and want to intervene on his behalf but I tend to think that isn’t going to happen.
His mother might encourage him to get a lawyer but even then, doubtful. I recall after paying for his father’s funeral my husband said he would pay me back. She told him not to do so as it was my obligation as his wife. So she may try to get something because it will mean he won’t be turning to her as much.
I’ve experienced issues with him that had to do with fighting for money that he rightfully deserved and was legally his and he couldn’t be bothered to deal with it.
Lazy, stupid people often become much less lazy and stupid once they see large possible sums of money and nice lifestyle in danger and them getting squat instead.
If it was ME in this situation I’d go see a lawyer and ask what realistically I could be on the hook for financially if things took a turn for the worse in court. Then I would offer deadbeat future SO some decent fraction of that.
Well that right there tells me there could well be some fighting for money.
There is nothing to prevent this guy from getting a lawyer and lying his ass off. He has literally nothing to lose. You can’t prove he didn’t make dinner every night and drop your daughter off at school every day for the past 10+ years. It’s going to be word vs. word, and you’re probably going to end up paying to make him go away. The court will not care that he didn’t get a job for the past 14 years. What they will care about is that you stayed married to him for over a decade, despite his lack of employment. If you had divorced him sooner, he would have been forced to sink or swim without you. Because you didn’t force him to do that, you’re not going to get out of this divorce scot-free unless he does nothing. And unless he is literally a retarded person, well. I’ve never met anybody dumb enough to let their meal ticket go away unchallenged.
That’s because he had YOU to fall back on. How are you not getting this? With his primary source of loafing removed, he’s going to run to mommy and she is going to get him a lawyer.
Be prepared for the worst.
If he tries to go after something then surely that opens up the option for you to go after half of his half of dead dad’s house!
In fact you should probably do that just to ensure your daughter gets something from that.
Interesting take but I know this man. He would much rather live in a rented room with a tv and computer than deal with ANY kind of conflict. It won’t happen. I’ll give you all an update if it does but don’t hold your collective breaths. I reread the prenup just to see what I would give him. In other words, I wasn’t worried that he would fight for anything more, I wanted to go by the terms of our agreement.
Even if his mother pays for a lawyer, he will go see the woman or man once and never go back or do anything they advise him to do.
Fortunately, he is currently employed and isn’t going to be dumpster diving for food. He will actually have to work more than twice a week which he chooses not to do right now but he’ll not be penniless. Just no longer living on my pennies.
I understand that people think that everyone should or would do what they would do but often that simply isn’t the case.
He actually offered to sign it over to our daughter so I would pay the taxes and insurance on it but I declined. I didn’t want to deal with that nut of a girlfriend. For all he knows or cares, the darn thing has burned to the ground long ago.
I remember a recent thread where you were wondering if/how you should give one of your employees a few bereavment days for their husband dying. Many people were WTF?/Jesus Christ! that it was a question you would even have to ask. Most of the rest were solidly on the side of you basically being heartless/socially clueless/Scrouge McDuck.
Based on THAT thread you might want to reconsider that what YOU think is fair/normal and how other people will react in real life might not be as calibrated to reality as you think it is.
^This. Yes, thanks, Astro.
I believe her point is that it seems especially stupid because they weren’t in love. I don’t think she was thinking about the kid.
Normally I wouldn’t go here, but the OP seems to value bluntness, so I’ll say this: are you sure it wouldn’t have been better to find another guy who could have been a better father to your daughter? Or was the assumption that you wouldn’t be able to find anyone else? Or did you try to find someone else in that two year period but couldn’t, and so settled?
BTW, I have no problem with prenups, I just think your schadenfreude is a bit too much.
But he isn’t destitute - he has half ownership of a house, and he has a shitty job with low income that seems like one in a string of shitty jobs.
You’re seriously annoying. That you’re gloating about your prenup outcome and lawyer is one thing (which says very little in your favour), it is another thing entirely to gloat about what a loser your ex-husband is to a bunch of people online. From what I can see, you’re both weird and not worth knowing. What a waste of time to have read as far as the post I responded to here. I won’t be reading anymore and I don’t know why anyone else should. Seriously, stop talking.
Different people have different opinions as to what is fair. Some believe in financial interdependence, while others believe in financial personal responsibility. There is no single correct answer.
Divorce laws set out a single answer for their jurisdiciton (and note that in different jurisdicitons, there are different divorce laws), regardless of what a couple thinks would be fair. Domestic contracts make it possible for people to do what they think is fair.
When you get married, you are making a contract with your spouse. The terms of the contract are set out in the body of family law. Almost all of these terms set out rights and obligations upon separation.
Pre-nups provide the parties with an opportunity to negotiate the terms of the contract before signing it.
Which is wiser: not knowing the terms of the contract and blindly signing, or understanding the options and negotitating mutually acceptable terms prior to signing?
100% agreed. Perhaps there would be less hang wringing in threads like this if people would take the legality of marriage as seriously as they would buying a car or a house. You’re entangling yourself with another person in pretty much every way and the result of this should it go wrong is going to vary by where you live.
Your pearls are going to be completely ruined if you keep clutching them so hard.
Regardless of Foxy40’s history, it sounds like this marriage was a mistake from the get-go, and at some level Foxy40 knew it even then. I think that alone means you can’t generalize from this experience to most marriages.
She’s obviously still reeling from the news about her husband’s real effect on her daughter, and that’s huge. She is happily throwing her husband under the proverbial bus for a lot of reasons, but the primary one is their daughter, and frankly I don’t blame her. She’s clearly beating herself up for letting this go on so long. I read it as “Yes! The nightmare is ending, and nice and smoothly because of that pre-nup I’d all but forgotten about.” Plus a huge helping of [sub]itisallmyfault[/sub] guilt.
The courts may disagree, but it sounds like she married an overgrown teenager and enabled his lifestyle by shielding him from reality for so long. I don’t think she has an obligation to keep doing that just because he was around the house for 16 years.
And to those who say she shouldn’t have married him, I agree, but co-parenting without marriage isn’t a walk in the park, either, especially if you’re raising a kid in a small town or a very religious community.
Well said. Nobody ever knows the details of someone’s marriage whether you know them superficially online or pretty well offline.
One of my favorite posts I’ve EVER read on this board was a pretty simple one and sadly I can’t remember who posted it. I’m pretty sure it was in this forum and the OP was really sparse so I doubt I could search for it. The OP simply let us know their divorce was being finalized and he said he was feeling like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kzXNdLVZs3k
I laughed so hard and felt AWESOME for him. I’d never heard that song or seen that video so it painted (with one link) a perfect picture of bliss. I didn’t need to know his story (yes, a guy! and IIRC nobody was crying that if he as a woman it would be DIFFERENT) because that video told me it all.
Anyone here who thinks they can understand enough about the OP’s decades long marriage in a few sentences here to make a determination about the OP’s character is a loon.