Har! My Mom once came up behind my Dad in a store, and squeezed his bum, saying, “Are you ready to go, honey?” Only it wasn’t Dad, it was a man the same height, same build, same hair color, wearing the EXACT SAME jacket. His wife was very much not amused. The man thought it was hilarious, though, and so did my Dad, who’d witnessed Mom fondle a total stranger and hadn’t done anything to stop her. He was howling with laughter.
This is freaky because what I came in to post was: “when I was in third grade, I called my teacher “Mom” by mistake.”
Arggh, mine is saying “thanks!” to a family member on the phone as we’re saying good bye. Not because they’ve done something to thank them for, it just slips out from habit. It usually only happens when I’ve spent most of a work day or week on the phone.
Ok, I frequently mean to say two variations of something and end up blushing. One in particular… I was getting into an elevator, and some random guy got in with me. Two people alone in an elevator is for me always awkward, I feel rude if I don’t at least say hi. So I meant to say “Hi” or “Hello” or “How ya doing?” What actually came out was some Cro-Magnon dribbling-idiocy like “hhhhhwwggg?”
I then averted my eyes and remained in awkward silence until the doors opened again and I could flee the scene.
I was a youngster at my uncle’s wedding. At the traditional wedding receiving line where the wedding party lines up after the ceremony to have everyone wish the newlyweds happy marital bliss as people file out of the church, I gave my uncle’s new wife a kiss on the cheek, went on autopilot and said “Good night!”
D’oh!
Thats why I have a really good friend who has the same birthday as I do. (One year older.) My current boyfriend has a birthday the following week, and somehow I work with about six people who all have birthdays within a fortnight.
I can say “And happy birthday to you, too” when Im silly and clueless and not look too weird.
I have been known to answer my boyfriend’s business line as "“blankety blank Psychiatric Hospital, Dementia Care Unit, Mona Lisa RN speaking” in that breathless work voice.
“Umm…Hi… we we’re a band from Victoria BC and we were told to call this number for a “Nelson Muntz” (not my bf’s real name) to book a gig? Um… is this a joke? Hello?”
Yeah thats fun. Usually t hough guys in a band have a pretty warped sense of humour and roll with it.
My wife told me that her supervisor at work once called her “mommy.” No idea where that came from.
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Sometimes I hate caller ID. I saw my wife’s name on the phone and answered, “Hi, Sweetie!” My 17-year-old son, who had borrowed her phone, said “Uhhhhhh … hi.”
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Back in the old days before caller ID, my roommate Don and I used to have all kinds of fun ways to answer the phone (e.g., “Joe’s Mortuary. You stab 'em, we slab 'em,” etc). One day I answered, “Don and Gary’s Home for Wayward Women.” It was my mother. I was mortified.
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I like your custom title, Opal.
When my uncle got married for the second time, I introduced myself to the gathering at the reception as "the groom’s oldest niece, which was really awkward, since I’m a guy. It was worse because I was seventeen at the time and couldn’t blame it on the alcohol.
Thanks 
It seemed fitting.
One comment, and everybody thinks of you as the “3. Hi, Opal!” item on lists instead of thinking of your art–which is what they should be thinking of. I remember a couple of years ago visiting your website to watch progress updates on a painting you were doing. It was very cool.
Oooh I have a good one from yesterday. At a job interview.
The interviewer walks into her small stuffy office, breathes and says “Something smells nice and fresh. Is it you?”
Me, thinking about how I hate perfume and inflicting it on others, and that most health care facilities have a “No fragrance” policy, and conscious of the tiny bit of body spray I put on my suit jacket that had been in the back closet. “I hope not!” :smack:
I mean, um I hope ok…
The rest of the interview went *much *better.
A relatively famous (here) blunder of this type on a major radio station : a singer had just died, and the following announcement was made :
"popular singer, who…blahblablah…Carlos passed away this morning at the age of 64. We wish him a good…err…a good last…err… good…err… good luck!
For people who would understand french : [URL=]http://www.dailymotion.com/video/x45beu_mort-de-carlos-annonce-maladroite_fun