I met my father after 20 years...

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

Here’s the final chapter to what turned out to be a trilogy of threads.

A brief update in case you haven’t read or aren’t inclined to read previous thread #1 and previous thread #2:

I haven’t had contact with my father in about 20 years. Recently a mutual contact mentioned to him that he knew me as well, and to the surprise of us all, my father expressed an interest in contacting me directly.

I have entertained similar thoughts over the years.

Well, last night we met for coffee. We spoke, and he made clear his intention of wanting to build a relationship with me. We both seem to be on the same page in the sense that what happened has happened, and it can’t be changed. We can’t make up for the past, or try to ‘create’ it; but we can establish an adult relationship that starts now. I like that idea.

Then we did some small talk, and a catch-up on family news.

As it turns out, he’s wanted to contact me for years but has been afraid to. He regrets that as much as he regrets allowing us to fall out of contact so many years ago.

But now my life is about to change, and I welcome that change with open arms. It’ll be weird at first, but I want to give it a go.

I want to thank all the posters who helped out with their opinions in the previous threads. Thanks folks.

So far so good!

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NGNL – I’m glad this turned out so well for you. Guess all those good Doper vibes we’ve been sending had some effect!

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NoGoodNamesLeft

That is good news. I have gone through a similar situation, I had never met my father. When I was 27 we finally met. The absolute best thing from my point of view was, as you said, to let what happened go and start today as two adults and form a relationship. It is fantastic, although incredibly weird at first. I’d not say ‘difficult’ just ‘weird’. It certainly changed my life.

Good luck to you in the future!

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NoGoodNamesLeft, I didn’t see your original thread at the time but I just wanted to wish you well with getting to know your Dad.

My relationship with my Dad was somewhat like yours; he wasn’t around for most of my childhood and we didn’t reconnect until I was 18. It was a bit awkward at first but we overcame that. Now we talk nearly every Sunday night.

Bravo/a to you for being mature enough to realize that bygones are bygones but that you still have the here-and-now with him.

Best Wishes to you.