NPR had a piece on thesebeing marketed in the Carolinas that don’t have pot in them but have things like melatonin, etc; they’re called LazyCakes. They’re for relaxation and it sounds to me like he’s pretty agitated.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through, what you’re seeing now pushing out the memories from before; that’s a real tragedy.
Considering how much mocking I get from my dad for taking herbal supplements (because, you know, no herb has any medicinal value. Except willow bark, foxglove, quinine, tobacco, St. John’s Wort, poppies, Pacific yew trees, citrus fruits, chamomile, ginger, peppermint, eucalyptus . . . ) I think I’m going to skip that idea.
Not five minutes ago, I spiraled off into a yet another foul mood. Dad saw his cardiologist today. The primary worry with his blood pressure is not a stroke, so much, but the aneurysm sitting in his abdomen. Blood pressure goes too high, aneurysm bursts, bye-bye Dad. So, what does he do when I bring him his 9 p.m. meds with a glass of water? Without even looking at me, he waves his hand impatiently for me to set them down on the coffee table. He refuses to take them while I’m in the room.
Great, Dad. Fucking great. Your systolic was 210 this morning, and if Mom hadn’t gotten it under control with the extra medication, it would have been a trip to the ER. Just go ahead and ignore your meds for 10 minutes, because in that time, you will forget they exist, just like you’d already forgotten to take them when I checked at 9:20. Go ahead. Spike your blood pressure because medications are fascist and neither your wife nor your daughter know anything about this. Let’s see if you can blow out that aneurysm and bleed out in under a minute. Mom and I have got our bedroom doors closed because you’re playing fucking O’Reilly at top volume, so we won’t hear you hit the floor. We’ll just find you dead and cold in the morning.
While you’re at it, why don’t you finish off the whisky and amaretto bottles you think we haven’t noticed you draining the last two weeks? All that alcohol only enhances your liver’s ability to metabolize medications, right? Nothing bad ever happens when you combine alcohol with prescription medications.
Triple check all the door locks to make sure we’re safe, remind me to take the dog - the animal it took you a full year to admit that you kind of liked - to the vet tomorrow. But under no circumstances take any of the precautions necessary to prevent the one event most likely to rip our family apart: your death.
I will never understand why you need to punish us for loving you so much.
It wasn’t a serious recommendation, I do hope you know that.
I’m sorry he’s being so mean to you.
Does his healthcare plan allow for in-home nursing care? If so, would he qualify for someone to come in periodically to ensure he’s taking his meds?
Next time he waves you away, what would happen if you just stood there and said, “I’m not leaving until you take these.” Even if he yells at you, keep calm and stand your ground. No matter what he says, keep calm and stand your ground. When he eventually takes them, lean over, give him a kiss, say thank you and leave. Might help keep your own blood pressure lowered? Might soften him up for next time?
Can you get rid of all the alcohol in the house? Get rid of any new stuff he brings in as he brings it in?
Do you have someone you can talk to about dealing with your own emotions during this? You need someone who can help guide you through all these changes to your life and all the stressors you’re dealing with. You’re taking your father’s illness and anger personally and you really shouldn’t. You should have a place to work through this for your mental and physical health.
Shayna, you’re absolutely right, and it’s something I struggle with on a daily basis. My mom and I often decompress, but after a while it feels like we’re just trash-talking my dad, which isn’t fair to him. Unfortunately, right now, I am under employed, and while I have health insurance, I’ve run through the out-patient benefits and have no way to pay for regular talk therapy. Instead, I try to focus on socializing with friends, IRL and online, gardening, writing, and other things which make me happy.
Dad’s healthcare plan - he is retired Navy - is excellent, but it only covers in-home nursing if he’s officially disabled, which he isn’t. Previous suggestions that we have someone come in have been met with . . . hostility. It becomes impossible to pursue, because when he gets upset, his blood pressure skyrockets, which is exactly what we don’t want.
Same thing with the drinking. I’ve addressed it with him once. He accused me of listening to my mom’s complaints, and I said no, I just noticed the number of wine bottles in the recycling bin. Unfortunately, my own emotions got the better of me, the argument spiraled out of control, and it took a full week to undo the emotional damage. At this point, anything I might have to say on the topic of alcohol would be completely dismissed. I can’t actually think of anyone, even the doctors, whom he might listen to.
Me? I woke up this morning realizing that I had taken it way too personally. I do usually stand there with a sweet smile on my face and wait for him to take him meds, but I was just too frazzled last night. So, I’m either going to the gym or I’m going to do some yoga today. Both help tremendously.
Everyone’s support has been so helpful, but I need to shut down the anger train and redirect my energy, so I’m going to ask the mods to close this thread.
Thank you, everyone. This is the biggest reason why I am part of this community.
Closed at the request of the OP.