About three months ago, I wrote a very depressing rant in the Pit about the state of my life, and, well… It’s gotten worse. Mother’s moving to a craphole in Virginia, and I want to return to Florida. Badly. I love my mother, but she has a bad habit of making really bad decisions. I’m tired of trusting Mother. She has a bad tendency to let me down. I don’t hate her; but I have no faith in her anymore. I want to go off on my own, and if I ruin my own life, then at least I’ll feel better knowing it’s no one’s fault but my own.
I want to go back to Florida. There are people there who’ll help me in a pinch. I can count on them. I’ve found a friend who’ll take me in as a roomie, and I’ll get a part-time job to carry my weight. I’ve also contacted a former teacher, who vowed before I left to help me any way he could, and he might be able to either take me in or find someone who can. Either way, I probably have a place there and I’ll slip right back into school just fine.
Only problem is, I’m under eighteen–I turn seventeen next month. I thought about legal emancipation, but it doesn’t sound like a good idea. I’ve thought this through and through. Leaving Mother is the best solution, as I see it.
Advice, please? I know I’m an unreasonable snot; I just want to know my options.
Well the hamsters ate my first reply so I will try again.
The legal issues I’m not quite familiar with, but surely someone in Florida could act as your legal guardian without your Mom having to give up any parental rights. I’m thinking that, if you will feel safer in Florida then you should probably be there. I moved out when I was 17 yrs old; with my parent’s blessing. We lived in a small college town so that wasn’t so unusual. I went on to college and did pretty well. I’d encourage you to try to find a little info on the guardianship part. Re: the relationship, you are dead on about hanging around people who let you down. Even if they are related to you, it’s no fun.
That’s all I can think of for right now ~ perhaps MandaJO will come in with some better advice ~
Hmm. Well, it sounds like you’ve thought it out a bit already. You’ve worked out a plausible scenario. Obviously, it’s hard for me to convey just how hard things can/will get for you after high school, but everybody has to learn that on their own. Making your own way is very, very tough, but there are few things in life more satisfying.
Talk to your Mom about it. She may not think it’s such a big deal. I can understand your disappointment with her; I felt the same at your age, and a little older. Don’t tell her you want to leave to get away from her, give her every other semi-valid reason you can think of instead. You have friends back there, you like it more, etc. Explain how you’ve already worked out living arrangements. Contact that ex-teacher and make SURE he will help you, and use that to convince your mother too.
The key to making it is planning, preparation, and discipline. Unfortunately, those are not things many young people are good at. Asking for help from people smarter than you ( I suppose this thread is a form of that) is a good sign.
And don’t feel bad because of how you feel about your mother. it just means you’re growing up. You won’t always feel so disappointed in her.
Not everyone was made to be a parent. (I went back and read the pit rant) You seem to have worked hard to make a life for yourself amid the chaos. I know how hard that is and I know how it feels to wish you were never born. Sometimes the best thing you can do is take your life in your own hands. Please make sure you have a place to go before you leave and never stop believing you can make your life better!
I left home at the ripe old age of 17 years, one week. Although I can look back and say I wish things had been different, they weren’t different, and I’ve never regretted gettin’ the hell out of there and striking out on my own.
You will need some money, sooner rather that later. Be sure you put max effort into acquiring a job of some sort.
Once you have a place to stay and some income, things that come up can be addressed as needed.
Lodrain…Excuse me, but basing a major decision about your future on having people nearby who “can help you out in a pinch” and “take you in”? Sounds like a plan to me. Yep, you seem to have a lot of confidence there.
You are not exactly reaching for the stars, you are looking to scrape by. At your age, that might sound like an attractive alternative to parental oppression, but how exactly does it make you independent? You are merely switching from depending on your mother to depending on some dubious friends/old teachers or whatever. I would say, stick it out a few more years until you can become truly independent. Then you can move to wherever you want and not have to worry about finding someone to take you in in a pinch or some such nonsense.
The fact that you would even think along those lines of thinly veiled desperation and shakily patched-together arrangements is an unmistakable red flag that you are not yet ready to be on your own (as you shouldn’t have to be at your tender age.)
Think about joining the military. You can join at 17 if you get permission from a parent. I’m not kidding about this. I did it at 17. I went into the Navy with no self confidence. I qualified for the Navy nuclear power program and became a reactor operator on a submarine.
The sense of confidence and self worth I got out of doing a high pressure job well at that age is something that will stay with me forever. Nothing after that is too hard. Of course I hated the chicken shit in the Navy and got out after my required 6 years, but the education , for me, remade me.
For sure the service is not for everyone but it’s worth considering.
Lodrain, I wish you the best whatever you decide. My only advice is that you make the effort to finish high school and go to college. wnorthr suggested the service, which would be one way to finance college. If that doesn’t appeal to you, talk to a guidance counselor, who can help you find scholarships. College is a friendly place for very bright people, and a college degree can give you a big advantage toward making a good life.
What you say makes a lot of sense, and I think you’re right about me clawing at a dubious future in sheer desperation. But at the expense of sounding like a complete snot, I am reaching for the stars–I still expect wholeheartedly that nothing short of a debilitating disease that removes completely my mental faculties, coupled with massive global war and a severe economic depression will break my dreams of finishing high school and moving on to college–and when the dust settles, I’ll laugh and shake my head in smugness. I’m just getting impatient and unreasonable–this happens sometimes with me.
I just expect the next year and a half will be very tough on me if I follow through and move back to Florida. But it might be tougher if I stay with Mother–I don’t know, and I’m tired of not knowing what’ll happen to me. I want control over my life, but so far, the only control I have over me is my caloric intake and sleep.
But you’ll be happy to know I’m considering, somewhat seriously, to stay with her if I don’t recieve positive word from the aforementioned teacher–moving in with my friend will be quite a bad move if it doesn’t work out. He’s a good guy at heart, but I have my doubts about him. Still, I’ve gone through worse, and while I want to get out on my own, I suppose that’ll have to wait until things are slightly more in my favor–like I get a driver’s license, money and a definite place to live.
I’ll look back at this one day and wonder what the fuss was about.
