I’m going to see my doctor tomorrow. He’s really cool, one of those guys who actually talks to his patients…and he’s Armenian. Whenever I see him, we always talk politics a bit (he does some relief work in Armenia and goes there at least a couple of times a year), and then we trade awful Armenian and other post-Soviet jokes. He doesn’t speak Armenian, though, so anything will have to work when translated into English.
(And yes, humor is the hardest part of a foreign language to master and/or translate. I don’t care what they say about poetry. There are piles of Armenian jokes in Russian, and no matter how fluent I become in Russian, I don’t understand 95% of the Armenian jokes. They tend to be rather surrealist. The words all make sense individually, but when allthe native Russian speakers around me a re laughing hysterically, I’m left scratching my head.)
So here we are, 10 hours away from my appointment, and I have no fresh material! Help!
AHAHAHAHA! Too bad I don’t know Armenian.
How about
There’s actually a lot of Armenian jokes around online if you google.
Here’s a translation of that first joke (it’s in Russian, BTW, not Armenian, and it’s not really an Armenian joke at all):
Q: What do you get if you cross a Chukchi and an Azerbaijani?
[Chukchis are an indigenous people of Siberia; Russians tell Chukchi jokes in much the same way that Americans tell Polish jokes.]
A: A frozen-solid sheep.
My latest book:
“Great Armenian Naval Battles”
Another one:
Armenia, 1,650 years in the convent, and 50 in the gulag.
A TAKE-OFF ON THE JOKE ABOUT THE PHILIPPINES
“300 YEARS IN THE CONVENT AND 50 YEARS IN HOLLYWOOD.”
Then there’s the Armenian Olympic Bobsled Team.
No … wait! My friend’s son founded the team and it really exists.
Maybe you could come up with a few Nazir Din stories.
How many Armenians does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
Two, but only if they are very very small…
There has to be some kind of joke about how all Armenians have -ian at the end of their name.
(That is Armenians, right?)
What about any of the 6, 593, 231 form jokes in which you can change the nationality to suit?
Dick Hartpootlian.
First, he has (had, he’s outgoing) the unenviable task of being the State Democratic chairman in South Carolina.
Second, he has the luck of having a name that contains both “dick” and “poot.”
Sounds like a joke to me.
But scratch that first “t.” It’s just “Harpootlian.”
Good lord I love swarthy Armenians. What color are his eyes?
Paging Shahé Altounian! Paging Shahé Altounian! Oh, wait. He’s not a member of the SDMB.
Never mind.
Ooops. I just read the OP, and saw that it involved a doctor’s appointment. This isn’t a joke, but it’s about my own Armenian doctor’s appointment.
I had had a sleep disorder where I would sometimes wake up at night gasping for breath. I suspected sleep apnea, and went to see a “sleep disorder specialist,” who happened to be Armenian.
After a night in the “sleep chamber” with all the wires hooked up to me, I went to see him a week or so later to go over the results.
Bottom line: There weren’t any obvious sleep apnea problems, although a number of readings were “borderline.” He then said, “The best thing you can do is lose some weight.”
I spent $1000 bucks for a night in a high-tech motel room just to hear something I already knew!
So, I said, “Come back in a month and let’s check your weight.”
I did. I had gained three pounds. He then referred me to a nutrionist/dietician, to whom I never went. I did eventually end up losing the weight–after putting on even more. Don’t know how many pounds, but I lost a total of eight belt loop holes).
That all seems like some perverse joke to me.
[bump]
Well, I’m hacking up my lungs again, so back to Dr. Kashian I go.
It’s not too late! Submit your Armenian jokes now!
Do Radio Yerevan jokes count? I think they were told in the Soviet Union.
“Radio Yerevan is asked what is the most beautiful city in the world. We answer that it is naturally Yerevan, the queen of all cities. Radio Yerevan is then asked where to cheaply acquire thirteen tons of explosives. We answer that Tbilisi is also a beautiful city.”
More Radio Yerevan jokes.
Absollutely they count! Cool beans! Thanks bunches!