I Need Closure

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
41

I’m glad you like my stuff, mlerose, but if you think I rock here, you should dig some of my riffs over in Great Debacles. I mean Great Debates. I’m a regular Thomas freakin’ Aquinas. I kick philosophical ass. Really. You should do a “Search” or something. It’s an eye-opener.

Not like Mr. Politzania, though. shudder

Bumbazine, bad news on the whole speeding thing. When the cop pulled you over did you say: “Whaa’za mah-uh ah-vissuh?” and drool on his shoe? You should have. It would enhance your story. You can say you did then next time you relate this droll little anecdote.

And speaking of droll little anecdotes, I haven’t seen the Little Woman since the Cocktail Party. (Which, I believe is still going on. I still smell smoke. I hope T’Other got out of the oven…) I hope she’s alright. I’m sure she is. Yeah, I’m sure.

And back to Puddin’…
You know what you need? Nurse shoes. The shoes nurses wear. The come in Butt Ugly and Worse, but they are good for your feet. You don’t think nurses would wear bad shoes, do you? The next thing you know, you’ll be telling me nurses smoke. Patent rediculousness. (Do you say that PAY-tent, or PAH-tent?)

Look! Over there! Buffalo!
(As everyone turns to look, I quietly sneak out.)
-Rue. (Man of Mystery!)

42

And Bumb, the capitol of Nairobi is “N”. The capitol of Kenya is Nairobi.

Now you know.
-Rue. (The Smartest Guy in This Whole Post.)

43

I went on a hike with my kids and Annoying Brother In Law today. I’m not sure why I find him Annoying, because he’s perfectly nice, aside from his little habit of finding fault with everything I do as a parent. He liked me so well back when I was his kid brother’s attractive young wife, but now that I’m the mother of his nieces, he seems to be more critical. Um…anyway, it was a perfectly lovely outing and he hardly Annoyed me at all, but now I’m exhausted. I chased him away so that I could have a drink and make the children find their own suppers. I don’t really need to hear his opinion about that.

Let’s see, I’m still hoping that the lice are all gone (if you don’t know, you don’t want to know, believe me), but I’m going to have to be compulsively clean about housekeeping and child hygiene for at least another six days, and I’ve never managed to be that clean for that long. Wish me luck.

I have a cat on my lap, and he insists on resting his front legs on my right forearm, which wouldn’t be so bad if that wasn’t my mouse hand. He’ll get annoyed with me in about 5 minutes. I wouldn’t put up with this kind of behavior from either of the other cats, but this one is 16 and has earned some spoiling by dint of his great age.

Whoops. I went to Merriam-Webster to make sure I was using the word “dint” correctly (I am very, very tired from the hike) and he got annoyed ahead of schedule. He’s probably off to pee in the upstairs hall in order to teach me a lesson.

44

It was supposed to be a* trick* question Rue.

Just so ya know.

-Dumbazine

45

Rue D. hopefully your and soupa’s dental visits are only cleanings.

But I do have a question, what kind of slaves outfit do you wear? Does it fit correctly in the posterior area?

46

Oh, you are so totally comped! There will be a fuzzy warm robe and slippers along with a big thirsty towel for ya when we finish up.

And the honors? They’re alllllllll mine. :wink:

Zap

47

Just checking in with the * Shirley Report [sup]TM [/sup]: Mundania You CRAVE *

  • Kids are sick.

  • Husband is coming down with what the kids have. (eek)

  • Kids going to Oma’s ( German for Grandma) this weekend so we can celebrate our 13th anniversary of our first kiss by…

  • painting our bedroom for the first time since we built our house.

  • **Rue * I’m sure you need closure on this: I got out of my ticket that I received for causing the accident that totalled mine and some other guy’s car. ( In a near head on collison with my econoline and a white pontiac two door, my van creemed his car and he hit me at 45 mph) The officer failed to show up for court. - it was the week after the bombings.

  • We are refinancing our house at 6.something % to consolidate the home equity line and credit card (note singular) which really isn’t that much. With the extra mula, I will get my eyes done and we might put wood floors in downstairs and a play structure in the back yard ( we will make it, we don’t want one of those mega-city wood things) Or we could just blow it on crack and the slot machines.

*A bit of News That Could Be Perceived As Sad *

  • Last week my mom’s favorite cousin died after a 2 year battle with cancer ( all kinds of cancer, it was all through out her.) She was an incredible lady ( former nun, then married, then widowed.Her husband had just been given a clean bill of health by his doctor when her husband keeled over dead in front of the doctor - how’s that for ruining the doctor’s prognosis? ) Planned her own funeral (big catholic mass with a bus load of nuns)& get together afterwards and everything. I only met her twice, but she was a really incredible lady. The funeral was Monday. Mom said she looked radiant and my mom doesn’t say that about just any dead body laying around.
  • Tonight, my Uncle Chuck died at 8pm. He was married to my Mom’s sister for 44 years - I think- this month. They had 6 kids (five boys, one girl) together and 24 grandchildren. Since his first heart attack 20 years ago, he has had numerous problems with the ticker, *but he never let it slow him down *. He traveled and enjoyed life. He’s been running on *10% * of his heart for the past two weeks.

He went very peaceably surrounded by all his children ( his daughter flew up from NC today and made it moments before he passed) his wife, his sister, my mom and a few others. They sang songs, prayed and, knowing my family, joked about the Chuck-isms of life. I wish I could have been there.

He was a really nice, decent man with an even temperment,always had a kind word and took me under his wing to lecture me about whatever after my dad died. Raised six kids that all went on to college, graduated, got good jobs, married, had kids of their own. This thought alone amazes me, I can’t even potty train one 3.5 year old boy. In the last few years, we became compadres in our battle with my mom and trying to a) figure her out b) getting her to stop worrying so goddamnmuch .

I won’t miss him because he will always be a part of me.
Thus endth the Shirley Report [sup]TM [/sup]

48

Well. About two weeks ago, I stopped into our local “recycle your crap” store, and picked up a headboard and footboard for my bed for $15. Not bad. Except they are fucia. BRIGHT pink. “No worries,” thinks Swiddles. “I watch Christopher Lloal.” [I tried spelling his name four different ways. I give up.] “I’ll paint it!!!”

$40 worth of paint, and two weeks later, I finally finished painting the damn thing today. And simultaniously realised that my bed is VERY high. Like three feet. The headboard is about four feet high TOTAL. Which is too short. So I’ll have to take the wheels off, and boost it up on something…

And I’m covered in Krylon #1503, which only one hardware/paint store in the greater Burlington area carries. I know this because I ran out last week, and had to halt progress until the next shipment came in.

My next phase of this project is to STENCIL the following poem onto the headboard, which will probably be too short to read it, anyway

And I did a lot of cleaning, because LittleSisterRiddles is going to spend the weekend with me. And I had a pretty good rehersal with my improv group, and was fairly funny, which is also good.

These are the days of my life.

49

Swiddles, why not print the poem out on nice paper & font and decoupe it onto the headboard?

BTW - It’s Christopher Lowell.

50

I’m so proud of myself, I just had to share with all of you: I figured out how to turn on the heating system in my house all by myself! Without blowing anything up!

You see, we just moved in this summer, and this house has baseboard radiant heat, which is almost unheard of in my part of the country. I’d never seen a heating system like this one - there’s a boiler, and a gas supply thingy that leads into a big burner assembly, and water pipes every which way, and an electric pump and valves and stuff, and the whole shebang is out in a room off the garage. I was going to have a professional come out and look at it because I couldn’t make head nor tail of it myself, but he never called me back.

I had to turn the pump on, turn the gas valve on (probably I should have waited for the plumber on that, but it was COLD, dammit), turn the switch for the pilot light on, find the pilot light behind two metal doors, light the it (this part I have experience with, from dealing with my old heater), reassemble the whole thing, and turn the electric switch on. I may still not know how this system works, but I know how to work it!

And Shirley, I love your attitude. I’ll bet your Uncle Chuck does too.

51

Bumb, I knew you knew all about Nairobi. And you know I knew it was a trick. But think of everyone else… what do they know?

And did you see how I had to make the answer a whole 'nother post? That was so the “The Smartest Guy in This Whole Post” gag would work. (I couldn’t leave it lumped in with the other post. I quoted M’Le Rose and there’s a 50-50 chance M’Le’s smarter than me.) It surely wasn’t so’s I could do a quick search, and then post. No sirree Bob.

Debbalina, quite asking about my butt, it’s getting embarrassing. (em-bare-ass-ing. That should tell you something about my attire as I slave away here. [sub]Shhh… don’t tell anyone.[/sub])

Legend-ina, your Brother in Law is so annoying to you because… how do I put this? He wants you. Everything about you is beguiling. But, eh, you’re family, and off limits. I hope this helps.

Shirley, not to make light of your pain, (really I mean this, I’m not just being smart-assy) but when you said “a bus load of nuns” a song ran through my head.

I don’t know who wrote it (I think it was a local band) or what the name of the song is, but the chorus goes something like:

It was a bus fun of nuns holding babies.
A bus fun of nuns holding babies.
A bus fun of nuns holding babies in their arms,
Went off a cliff!
([sub]The nuns were blind, the babies were refugees…[/sub])

Then I felt bad. (It was a song about how local newscasters are always so perky, even when reporting a tragedy.)

-Rue.

52

A stone? My God, that little bugger will never weigh a stone. 10-12 pounds maximum. Otherwise he’d be fat. It’s quite enough that one of us has a weight problem.

He killed a TP roll today btw. Apparently, it threatened to take over the world or something, and Sigge felt a dire need to obliterate it. He did a good job, and then we had ourselves a little vacuum cleaner burial for the Evil TP Roll From Hell. No hymns, no prayers. Just a quick “goodbye” was all it got.

53

Oh Jeez! I thought I actually "Preview"ed my last post. But I come back and see what Soda writes and I notice we’re on the second page and I look up at my last post and it’s
“It was a bus fun of nuns holding babies.”
Then , just to make things worse, you can see where I just Cut and Pasted to make things worse. I can’t spell and I’m too lazy to misspell my words manually, I have to use shortcuts… pauvre moi!

Soda, do you loop the toilet paper over the top of the roll, for easy access? This becomes a glowing beacon of a toy for kids and cats and small dogs. Of course if you loop it under the roll, in the inaccessable configuration, your dog’ll just gnaw the whole thing off the roll. Or discover the joys of Kleenex. Fun, fun, fun.

54

Actually, I put something yummy inside an empty TP roll and fold the ends over and then he’ll have half an hour or so of fun. But last time, the roll apparently turned into Evil TP Roll after he got the goodies out, and therefore, it needed killing. Or maybe he was just pissed that it was empty.

55

Ellen’s List of Things to Do:

  1. Always open Rue’s threads.

Because if I had, I wouldn’t have been narcisstic enough to devote a perky little thread to myself yesterday. I could have satisfied Rue’s burning curiousity about my every waking moment by posting the account of Ellen’s joyous birthday and subsequent receipt of an ancient ring* right here. (And probably guaranteeing higher readership, seeing how Rue’s such a fun, popular, underpant~y kind of guy.)

Also, I got a flu shot yesterday, the fourth goldfish I’ve purchased since last Saturday expired, and I spent $40 developing the film that has been building up in the bottom of my briefcase since July 2000.

  • Synopis for those too lazy and/or bored to click: It was my birthday Wednesday. I got nice gifts, including a Roman ring.
56

It’s El-len, it’s El-len, she came to myyy thread!

I don’t know why I’m singing the “Ellen” song. (And, yes, that was singing. SmartyPants.) (Is there a Doper named SmartyPants? If not, there should be.)

Where was I? Oh yeah. Hey! Everybody! Go read Ellens thread. It’s riveting. (It’s not about major construction, it’s just really good.) (It’s pretty good.) (It’s OK, but what else do you have to do for, like, 3 minutes? Really.)

And Ells, can I call you “Ells”? Too late either way, I already called you “Ells” and there’s really not much you can do about it. You could get mad. That would make me feel bad. I wouldn’t want to make you mad. 'Cause you’re as sweet as a cherry pie. One of the good ones that’s real sweet. Not on of those too tart ones. But if you want to be a tart, have at it. Anyway, Ells (or Ellen if that’s what you prefer) how are those underpants working out?

(Heh heh, now everyone thinks I sent you underpants. I didn’t, but they don’t know that. They do now, but they were wondering there for a moment. Heh heh.)

I don’t know what came over me. It must have been that spring roll I had with lunch. (Sesame chicken with fried rice and a spring roll, which I already mentioned. Soupo ate my fortune cookie. And two White Castle cheeseburgers with onion chips. We just got finished with his dentist visit - no cavities, see ya in 6 months, Rick! - and we celebrated with White Castles. He celebrated with White Castles, I had Chinese. Chinese food. Although the Chinese girl behind the counter was kinda hot. She was working the wok between customers.) I don’t think I should have any more spring rolls if this is what they do to me. I still taste mustard. Not too bad, but not what I was going for in a mouth taste.

Everyone should be more like you, Ellen (Sometimes you’re emboldened, sometimes you ain’t. Go figure.) One hot tomato that starts up her own threads. Be bold! Be like Ellen. (Oops, ran outta emboldation there.)
-Rue.

57

bobkitty:

Oh, I see how you are. Fiver promises you the tapes, then Lindy gets the .jpgs of your tummy.

I feel utterly dissed.

58

Peter huh? You wouldn’t happen to have a hump on your back now would you? Just curious…

59

Hey Nineteen?.. not me!

60

Ho-ho Rue! I can now tell you what the brand-new Diet Coke with Lemon! tastes like as it spurts out the nose.

I am now thinking of my new sig. Should it be –

or

See, with the second one I’d have to edit, for not everyone has my resolve to read your every thread devotedly. :wink: