I like the idea of writing down the phrases and keeping them in a book with me. I have some ideas of how to deal with my mom…I have developed the all-important skill of learning to think before I speak, and speak less and think more.
I don’t think I’ll succumb to the drama…I’ve been living with my SO too long (the most calm, down-to-earth man I ever met, and the best choice for me) and I’ve lost all my sense of drama.
I just have to get through it. For me, this is the worst thing ever. Sigh.
Probably won’t help, but I’d lay it out for Mom: I’ll go, but you give me shit, I leave; because I’ve got better things to do with my time. Find the number of a motel and a cab company nearby, and put them in the memory of your cell phone so you can speed-dial. First sign of trouble, bid a fair adieu (or FOAD, whichever suits your fancy), and walk out with your head high.
What helps for me more than anything is just setting aside an evening to wear my comfy jammies, cuddle up in blankies, eat some gooey good food and watch movies in the dark.
And sex. Lots of it. Lots of loud, crazy, ho-- nevermind.
A little mindless stressing is all fine and good, but eventually you need to sit down with yourself and put the stress in one of two categories: things you can do something about, and things you can’t do anything about.
For things you can do something about, figure out what to do. The handy responses provided by Bricker are an awesome place to start. Have a plan, and things won’t feel so overwhelming.
For things you can’t do anything about, let them go. Seriously. I know it’s easier said than done, but there is nothing quite like simply accepting that something is out of your control. One of my favorite lessons that I’ve learned over the years is that you cannot change how other people act, you can only change your reaction to them. So your mom is going to be horrible, and the weekend is going to be very stressful – just try to accept it, and think of it as one of those things that we don’t want to do but we do anyway because we’re grownups.
None of the above advice will have you sleeping like a baby (or like a teenager, which I think is a more accurate analogy), but with any luck it will have you sleeping.
(Oh yeah: when I’m stressed, I play the piano. Got a piano? ;))
If I’m having trouble sleeping, and nothing else works, I stretch.
Not like I’m going to get up and go for a jog (ha!), but just a nice & easy, but long, tension relieving s t r e t c h. I guess half of it is that, if my mind is so focused on something, the stretching forces me to have time alone with my thoughts to re-evaluate the situation. I won’t say I solve anything, but generally I can come to terms with it and leave in a state ready to deal with it later.
Though, I also think others have really offered a way to solve the issue. The stretching is just for symptoms.
Honestly, do you think telling yourself that is helping in any way? And it’s not even close to true. I can think of many, many things that are worse than spending a weekend with a terrible mother. How about your spouse dying of painful cancer? How about losing a leg? Try to retain some perspective. It’s not going to be much fun listening to your mother, sure, but it is only for a weekend, then you’re back to your fun life again.
I gotta say Loopydude is on to something here. The key is to eliminate the source of your stress. Easier said than done, I know. But a dear friend of mine had a similar problem. She was planning on getting married to her sweetheart, but her mom and grandfather kept harrassing her about it, saying she oughtn’t get married, belittling her sweetheart, etc. Finally, she told her grandfather, “I’m getting married, but I’m not sure whether you will be there.” When the wedding date was set and the mother started saying things implying she was coming, friend calls her mother and tells her she is not welcome at the wedding. Standing up to her family like this was the hardest thing she ever did, but in the long-run it worked out for the best. (Actually, it improved her relationship with her family–I guess they figured out that they needed to re-evaluate their interaction with her, b/c she clearly wasn’t going to put up with their crap anymore. Obviously, there is no guarantee that such a happy ending in your case, but ask yourself the question my friend asked herself: who is more important to me right now–my husband, and the future I am building with him, or my mother, and what she represents to me?)
THAT is a key here. No one can argue with them selves, and virtually anyone will give up a verbal assault if you don’t respond. Mom surely knows you have other ideas about your life, and probably wants to engage you on that. Don’t let it happen. When it starts, smile, break off and go talk with one of the other people around - chances are at some point, one of your other relatives may even get mom to lay off, then you have allies.
