I need help with a riddle

Miscellaneous and Personal Stuff I Must Share
1

No, I’m certain this won’t turn out like the “14 k of a g p d” thread. I’m sure there is a real answer, and I will post it when it is revealed.

I’ve been staring at this thing for weeks, without a clue. So I need help from the smartest people on the interwebs.

Here it is:

**Who Am I??

The Paychecks Were Good,
Though I Always Lost in the Hood
You’d Have Thought I Was Vapid,
My Demise Was Ere Rapid.
What Could I Do—
When the Jack Grew and Grew??
I Was Always So Sure
My Lot Was Secure
Thinking I Was So Sly
I’d End Up Swatted Like a Fly
Each outing I’d end up sweating
From a beating not a petting
Always Ending Up Being Dunked
It’s Hell Getting Skunked
The Eye Saw Me As a Know It All
Who Ever Ended Up in a Bloody Free Fall
But Then That Was the Way
To Make Everyone’s Day
And, in the End Crime Didn’t Pay**

2

My WAG: Either OJ Simpson, or someone on the Seattle Seahawks.

3

Where did you find the riddle?

4

It’s on a website for cops.

5

The Eye Saw Me As a Know It All
Who Ever Ended Up in a Bloody Free Fall

These lines make me think of Gollum.

6

No luck yet?

7

A dirty cop?

8

-My first thought that it was a flat tire.

The Paychecks Were Good,
Though I Always Lost in the Hood

-On a racecar that lost to sleepers.

You’d Have Thought I Was Vapid,
My Demise Was Ere Rapid.

-Didn’t do too hot after it went flat.

What Could I Do—
When the Jack Grew and Grew??

-Getting ready to be changed

I Was Always So Sure
My Lot Was Secure

-Safe in the parking lot

Thinking I Was So Sly
I’d End Up Swatted Like a Fly

-Tossed off to the side after being taken off.

Each outing I’d end up sweating
From a beating not a petting

-Burnout before the race.

Always Ending Up Being Dunked
It’s Hell Getting Skunked

-Dunked = in water for leaks, or in chemical like Jeff Gordon’s, skunked = getting beat

The Eye Saw Me As a Know It All
Who Ever Ended Up in a Bloody Free Fall

-It was on a nice car that skidded out of control when the tire went flat

But Then That Was the Way
To Make Everyone’s Day

-The crowd was all cheering for the underdog

And, in the End Crime Didn’t Pay
-He lost the race.

9

I was watching the movie Ping-Pong today, and they used ‘getting skunked’ to mean losing all points to 0, so 21-0 in ping-ping. Hope that helps.

10

That line makes me think it was an expert on something who worked for CBS as an analyst or some thing. It would work well if CBS had ever fired a car race analyst for some crime, But I can’t think of any, I vaguely remeber one who got fired for racist stuff, but no crime.

And O.J. worked for NBC.

11

Might you be Sonny Liston?

He got good paychecks as a champion prizefighter as well as for those fights he undoubtedly threw.

He was in and out of trouble with the police and his worsening drug problem (always lost in the hood).

He died young at the age of 38 under murky circumstances (my demise was ere rapid).

Each outing I’d end up sweating From a beating…seems to be a boxing reference

I can’t figure out the *Eye / Know it All * connection but I’m going with Liston.

12

The riddle from hell still goes unsolved! This thing is driving me crazy.

They’ve added some more clues to the riddle (added to the end of what I posted in the OP):

Sure of Victory I’d Await the Prize…
Always to Lose All But Fish Eyes…
Cut Down to Size by a Superior Tongue…
I Could Never Quite Make It to the Next Rung.
Defeated and TAA

I’ll try a flat tire. Unfortunately, others have already tried Gollum, Sonny Liston and OJ.

Thanks for the help, Dopers!

13

Rocky?

14

Because of “dunked,” I’m thinking of some NBA player who started off as a quick success but met his end shortly after because he either got shot to death, died of an OD, or banned. Maybe it was one of those guys who got in a brawl in the stands last year. Don’t remember who.

15

Or the basketball from the same game?

And what’s the deal with the use of “ere”?

16

It made me think of the giant from jack in the beanstalk :stuck_out_tongue:

17

This supports the Sonny Liston theory - Ali was well known for his wordplay.

18

What is TAA?

19

Well, I was sure it’d be Ron Artest, but the game was broadcast on ESPN, not CBS, assuming that’s what “The Eye” stands for.

20

I think they mean “e’er” (ever, i.e. always) rather than “ere” (before).