Kaiwik, I’m so sorry for your pain. I agree with **ThelmaLou **that there isn’t a timetable for grief. It takes as long as it takes. You’re already seeing a therapist so you’re doing all you can.
You said you wanted the roses you and your mom planted together in the last year of her life. What about getting the same variety and planting them yourself? They’d still be her roses since you planted them in her honor. I have two plants from an arrangement someone sent when my boyfriend’s mom died ten years ago. Even though she didn’t physically touch them, I think of them as hers. Maybe doing this won’t help you but I have nice memories because of these plants.
Thank you again, this has actually helped, I don’t feel so desolate somehow.
ThelmaLou thank you. I have had enough losses to know that there is no limit to the grief one feels. For me, the loss of my mom is like the tide. Sometimes it’s placid and there isn’t much difference between low and high tide, but then the moon grows round and the tides get big, and when the big tide is running it’s best to be sure one’s vessel is sound. The thing is, no matter what the tide remains. I will never stop missing her, and wishing I could share something I know would have delighted her.
Helena330 mom introduced me to David Austin’s roses, and while I still have my floribundas and hybrid teas I have a bed of Austin’s roses. It is my intention to replace the roses we planted with new plants of the same varieties. One of the things he said to my aunt wrt the flowers before he stopped talking to her was “Kaiwik has too many flowers”. Well, bite me. I will turn this place into a flipping botanical showplace before my ride on the big blue ball is over. And I will do it to please myself.