I’ve waded through the Simpons threads…and Millhouse quotes always abound, and sometimes someone will proclaim that we need a Millhouse thread…
…and besides that, I need some cheering up, and nothing works as well as as Millhouse moment or quote.
Help me out. Pwease? 
IMHO, the best Milhouse moment ever came after Homer, working for Mayor Quimby, discovered that the schools were serving rat milk to the children (“You promised me dog or better!”), and he rushed to the school:
Homer: I don’t want you kids drinking milk ever again!
Milhouse: Can I drink it?
Homer (lackadaisically): Go nuts.
Bart: Oh boy! Free trading cards!
Milhouse: Wow! Joseph of Arimathea! Twenty six conversions in A.D. 46.
Nelson: Whoa, a Methuselah rookie card!
Flanders: Heh heh, well boys, who’d have thought learning about religion could be fun?
Bart: Religion?
Milhouse: Learning?
Nelson: Let’s get out of here!
When Milhouse is getting dressed in his room, and he puts his pants on and the legs are too short. Meanwhile, unknown to Milhouse, homer has flooded the town. When Milhouse opens his bedroom door, 4 inches of water come splashing in, but his pants stay dry. “Aw right! Everything’s comin up MILHOUSE!”
Also, in that old episode where bart and milhouse pool their money to buy the comic, and then wind up going crazy over who gets to keep it. Milhouse is hanging out of the treehouse and crying and in a frantic voice he says “I just wanted the Carl Yasztremski with the big sideburns…”
“But what about the bowl, Bart? What about the bowl?”
Marge and Lisa are playing a Mystery Date-esque game. Lisa opens the door and the card has a guy that looks like Milhouse on it. Marge (?) says “Hehe… you got the geek.”
Suddenly, Homer looks to Milhouse and says “Hehe, he looks like you, Poindexter!”
–
“Remember Alf? He’s back…in POG form!” - Milhouse
–
Principal Skinner is talking to Marge and Homer (I believe this is the episode where Bart gets on Focusin) and says “I’m sorry to have to tell you this, but your son is gay.” “Bart’s gay!?” Marge and Homer exclaim. Principal Skinner realizes he has Milhouse’s folder and quickly shuffles through the cabinet to get the folder for Bart.
((I Hope I got these scenes somewhat right.))
When Bart is practicing to jump Springfield Gorge, he falls and is knocked out. The three attendees, one of which is Milhouse, exclaim one at a time:
“I think he’d hurt.”
“Bad.”
“Let’s get out of here!”
Good stuff. I wanted to see some Ralph quotes too, but goofed up thread title.
Keep 'em coming!
After Marge takes the kids and leaves the house because Homer won’t get rid of his gun:
Homer: Do you know how to cook dinner?
Milhouse: Do I! (rushes to cabinet, begins pulling out pots and pans)
When Milhouse discovers his double, also named Milhouse, in Shelbyville: (as they embrace) “So this is what it feels like when doves cry!”
“Sure! What’s a big sister for?”
When Lisa asks Milhouse to give a note to Nelson.
Ralph: I saw Mrs. Krabapple and Principal Skinner in the closet making babies and I saw one of the babies and it winked at me.
My all-time favorite Ralph Line.
some quotes and “Milhouse Moments” from the episode where Bart, Milhouse, Nelson, and Martin go on a road trip:
“You know who has better travel advice than Triple-A? According to this Triple-A Travel Guide, nobody!”
“Not just a county fair… not just a Europe Fair… but a WORLD’S Fair!”
When they run out of money, the other kids sell Milhouse’s glasses to an antique dealer who will use them to “re-bottom those antique Coke bottles.” While they are getting the money, Milhouse, now practically blind, wanders into the Coke bottles and shatters them.
Some of these are from memory so forgive any misquotes…
During auditions for Burns’ heir…
Burns: I specifically said no geeks!
Milhouse: My mom thinks I’m cool.
…and later…
Burns: No girls!
Milhouse (in drag): So much for Plan B.
After the school bell rings to start the last day before summer…
Milhouse: School’s out! Up yours Krabappel!
During orchestra practice…
Class: Lisa Loves Nelson!
Milhouse: She Does Not!
Class: Milhouse loves Lisa!
Janey: He Does Not!
Class: Janey loves Milhouse!
Mr. Largo: Nobody loves Milhouse!
When meeting the Shelbyville Milhouse…
Milhouse: This is what it sounds like when doves cry.
Lisa and Marge discuss wearing white at the former’s wedding…
Lisa: But what about Milhouse?
Marge: Oh honey, Milhouse doesn’t count!
They both laugh
And other great moments:
[ul]
[li]He spells his name “Milpool” when he signs Bart’s cast[/li][li]Milhouse delivers Lisa’s love note to Nelson and pays the consequences.[/li][li]The dud in the Mystery Date looks like Milhouse[/li][li]Gets x-rayed in the “Radioactive Man” movie[/li][li]Gets strung up by all four limbs as hockey goalie[/li][li]Sells Bart’s soul for Alf POGs[/li][li]Gets unjustly hunted down like the Fugitive (and breaks his glasses in the process)[/li][/ul]
Ralph (possibly paraphrased): “And over by that rock is where I see the Leprechaun. He tells me to burn things!”
Millhouse: I have soy milk. The doctor says that the real kind will kill me.
But the best Millhouse moment of all is when Bart is trying to convince Lisa to let him get dirt on her enemy.
Bart: Remember that time I got Millhouse on “America’s Most Wanted”?
Scene changes, two FBI agents sit in a car watching a playground. They see Millhouse on the monkey bars.
Agent 1: Let’s roll.
The car drives straight through the gates, at Millhouse.
Millhouse: Oh no! Not again!
And then the later scene where he’s on the Waterfall, a la the Fugitive. It pains me that I was able to do that from memory, but damn, it’s funny!
I hope I get this right, but it has been a while since I have seen this episode:
Bart: Millhouse, look, there’s a gremlin on the side of the bus"
Millhouse: I’m not falling for that, if I lean over to look, I leave myself wide open for wedgies, wet willies, and the dreaded read admiral!
Aahhh…the sublime genius of Ralph Wiggum…
“Me fail English? That’s umpossible!”
“My cat’s breath smells like catfood.”
“Look Big Daddy, there’s regular Daddy.”
and the every popular “I bent my Wookie”
Lisa: “Oh, Milhouse, I could never think of you in that way. You’re like a big sister.”
Milhouse: “No, I’m not! Why does everybody keep SAYING that?”
And from the same episode:
Lisa: “I guess you could say I want to bring out the Milhouse in Nelson.”
Milhouse: “But I’m ALL Milhouse!”
The “what about the bowl” and “everything’s coming up milhouse” lines are my two favorites.
Milhouse’s parents have some good lines.
Luann: If you want to talk nervous, you should have seen Kirk deal with the high school boys who egged our Bonneville.
Kirk: Heh. I should have asked them to hurl some bacon, then maybe I could’ve had a decent breakfast for once.
I also want to add the Flypside does the best Milhouse impression.
Oh and one more thing. It’s Milhouse. One “L” people!
Can someone help me out here? I like to fancy myself as quite the Simpsons aficionado, but for the life of me I can’t place the “what about the bowl?” comment.
What episode is that in, and what is the context?