I need to kick someone's ass here!

The BBQ Pit
1

My neighbour and his 3 friends got back from wherever inbred rednecks like them like to party about an hour ago.

Lola heard them first and came downstairs, she told them to shut up. They laughed. I told them to shut up and they said “maybe” and “go to bed”.

Who’s daddy married his sister here? How fucking dumb can human beings get? Those big ears happen for a reason. You might as well paste a sign on your forhead that says “kick my ass now”.

I put on the good old ass kicking runners, the ones with the steel toes and went out to talk to these youngsters, my neighbour being a fairly sensible guy went to his house and his friends quieted down for all of about five minutes.

I guess my hulking size didn’t intimidate these motherfucking little snots in the least. (I am all of five nine and 145 pounds). I should add that the last time I got into a fight it was with three more inbred types like these and I tuned them up all on my own. Okay… I tuned two and I think the third guy pissed his pants after he saw his friends taking a dirt nap.

So Lola calls the cops and by this action saves their sorry asses from me at least. I gave tham another call when it looked like they were going to be driving away. If I was going to drive drunk I would hope that my friends would beat the shit out of me and take my keys. I was more than ready to become good friends with these guys for this reason. They didn’t go anywhere, it looks like they just needed to get a joint from the car.

2:53- Now the rednecks have quieted down and there is no sign of the cops. Big fucking surprise to me.

I am still pissed off and need to kick someone’s ass in the worst way.
Maybe when and if the cops show up? Nope, they carry guns and I am only pissed off, not stupid.

Where the fuck did that cat go?

Here kitty kitty kitty…

2

Bah, this is nothing compared to the adventure I had two weeks ago.

I live in a dorm. The dorm is in a quad. Some gangstas who live in the dorm adjacennt to mine (I live close to the corner) decidced to start blasting ghetto rap at 3:00 in the morning, when I was getting ready to go to bed. I wait and see if someone accidentally turned the volume up or something and is about to turn it down. Nope. I call Campus Safety. I watch out my window. CS gets there and goes inside. Soon thereafter, the stereo is turned off. As soon as CS leaves, stereo is back on full blasting gangsta rap. I call CS again. CS comes, music goes off again. CS leaves, music comes on.

That’s when I got pissed.

I walked over to the other dorm (bare footed, mind you.)

And went up the stairs until the “music” became louder and louder. I tracked down the room it was coming from. Knocked on the door. No answer. Try the door handle. It’s open. About six largish dudes decked out in their ghetto-wear (ya know how it is, your parents flipping the bill for college and that nice stereo, you have to dress like you live in The Bronx). They are all either stoned or drunk.

“Hey, man, wuddup, b,” one of them attempts to shout.

I walk over to his stereo, turn it off, and then rip the speaker cord from the back of the receiver, rip it out of the two speakers, and go on my way. None of them did anything; I think I was gone before what I had done got through all the marijuana smoke to their collective semi-conscious.

I still have the speaker cord.

I’m still impressed with myself that I had the balls to pull such a stunt.

3

Holy shit, friedo! You for hire?

4

I was at a party about a week ago (closing-night party for our production of Fiddler on the Roof). It was in an apartment, and we were being quiet… no loud music, nobody was yelling or screaming… we had a couple of people out in the hallway, but I can personally vouch that they weren’t making much noise, either.

Anyway… apparently, one of the neighbors takes offense to some of the people leaning up against “his wall”… the wall in the hallway right next to his front door. Now, I was ten feet away the whole time, and this guy comes out, tells a group of three people to, quote “stop with the motherfucking noise, motherfuckers.” (Apparently, his communication skills are none too good).

Anyway, the host, Chad, goes over to apologize and talk things over. Here’s a sample of the conversation:

Chad: “Look, I’m sorry that we bothered you, I’ll tell everyone to quiet down.”

Dickhead: “Tell them to keep the fuck off my wall.”

Chad: “All right, all right, I’m sorry… I’ll tell them to stay away from the wall.”

Dickhead: “They don’t TOUCH my fucking wall!”

Chad: “I’ll tell them, they won’t even breath on it.”

Dickhead: “You wanna start some shit, motherfucker?!? I’ll kick your ass!!”

Chad: “I don’t want to start anything. We won’t disturb you…”

Etc. etc.

'Twas very amusing.

Anyway, Chad wound up taping a sign to the wall that said “Do Not Touch”.

5

Chad should have painted that sign on the wall. Now that would have been good. heheh.

While in college, I rented a room in a house filled with 4 other guys. One of them was a big jock type who worked in a bar. He had a guitar that he used to leave laying around in the common areas and that particular morning my friend and I were sitting on the couch. My friend was lightly strumming the strings as we chatted.

Apparently the strumming was a little too loud, because this big jock guy comes stomping down the stairs, grabs his guitar out of my buds hands and promptly smashes it against the wall. Then he stomps back upstairs leaving the two of us sitting in stunned silence.

“Please don’t play guitar until after noon,” would have sufficed. I guess the dude felt that his guitar needed to die to make his point. Point taken.

6

Kinda spooky that cats seem to know what you’re thinking, he’s still hiding from me.

Friedo, how do you manage to walk around with balls that incredibly huge and where the hell would you buy pants that fit?

So now it’s 9:30 in the am and it looks like it is going to be hotter than hell. I didn’t get nearly enough sleep but there will be no naps because I have to get to work. I will have to find that cat when I get home.