I need witty comebacks!

This past May, I married a wonderful man and I’m taking his last name.

The rub is that he has the same last name as a well known talk show host. I need comebacks for whenever anyone asks “So, how’s Jerry?” Right now, I’m going with “Oh, I thought you looked familar.”

(I would never say anything outloud. It just nice to have a “response” in my head for my own amusement.)

Thanks! :cool:

How about, “I don’t know. How’s your herpes?”

Pull up your tube top and flash them, then try to get in a fistfight with them. I think they’ll enjoy the irony.

I’d go with:

“So, how’s Jerry?”
“Actually my younger brother Jerry died two weeks ago…sob…sob…”

The only way to stop these idiots is to make them feel like an ass, IME.

I don’t have much to flash, but I have thought about throwing around furniture. . .

If I find anything that can make the censor “bleep” noise, may I’ll use it the next time someone asks the “Jerry” question.

“My brother-in-law is healthy, wealthy, wise and generous. I’ll be sure to send him your regards.” :slight_smile:

Actually, I think the best response is to play it completely straight:

yahoo: “So, how’s Jerry?”
you: “What?” :confused:
yahoo: “You know, Jerry Springer…”
you: “Oh, I see. We’re not related. It’s actually a pretty common last name.”
yahoo: :frowning:

Then you hop into a nearby convertible and tear out of there while wailing on a sweet electric guitar.

As is so often good advice in life, let Quentin Tarantino be your guide:

Claim that your husband is related to Jerry Springer but you have no idea whether or not he hosts a TV show.

The nuance of a good comeback is highly dependant on the original phrasing and social setting. Do you have a particular statement or question?

Not a snappy comeback but cold: Just say “Yes, that’s very funny” with a straight face and change the subject. But that’s not everyone’s style, and it’s kind of bitchy.

I like the “play dumb” response. By the time he gets done explaining who Jerry Springer is the whole joke fizzles.

Google “Springer -Jerry” to find lots of Springers that you’d rather be asked about. Maybe, “Jerry? Is he with Springer Publishing?”

Them: How’s Jerry?
You: I duno, ask your mother. (insert sister, daughter etc)

Just that,said quickly, with the right inflection and bite will have onlookers roaring.

You’ll probably need different responses to fit the situation, but one possibility might be “He’s fine, you know now that we’re married I can get you on the show if you like?”

As a child who was cursed with a surname that was also a brand name, this is the one I used. It’s efficacy is probably the reason I’m not serving life for killing the person who made same, lame joke about my name for the 15,757th time.

Them: “Huh, huh! Nikey!* Your family makes shoes, huh?”’
Me: What?
Them: “Nikey! Like Nike tennis shoes!”
Me (shaking my head and giving them a blank look): “What? I don’t get it.”

There’s no better way to make people feel stupid than to let one of their idiotic jokes crash and burn.

  • That’s not my last name. I just chose it as an illustrative example. The “joke”, however, was just as pathetic.

Thanks everyone!

Here is a comeback I used just today:

Them: Are you related to Jerry Springer?

Me: I’m not sure. I married into the Springer family. If you’re interested in my family history I can tell you the story of my paternal grandfather. He was the head electrician of Louisiana State Penatentry - one of his responsibilities was to maintain the electric chair ya know - and he moved the body a warden after he died in a house of ill repute.

Hey, the reason I changed my last name was because it fit!

Yah, maybe you should go the bored to tears route, by way of family history. We are related 6 generations back starting with… Their eyes will glaze over at that point.

oooo…you took mine.
I guess I’d just go with “jerk store”.

Hold your hand out with the palm towards them and say, “Don’t even go there!”

Any further attempts at conversation on their part can be met by, “Talk to the hand!”

Yeah, I thought of you smashing a folding chair across their back.

p.s., love your photos; you guys look great!

“not good, he just learned his mother slept with her brother years ago, so his father is really his uncle, and then last week he told me he was sleeping with my sister’s husband.”

Playing dumb is probably the way to go. If you make it seem that you don’t get the joke, it should stop.

Them: “How’s Jerry?”
You: “Who are these people?!”
Them: “er…you know, Jerry Springer?”
You: “Oh! I thought you meant Jerry Seinfeld.”

Mix it up some. Jerry Mathers (“Well, Ward was a little hard on the Beaver last night”), Jerry Ford (“He still hasn’t lived down that whole ‘swine flu’ thing”), Jerry Orbach, Jerri Hall, Ben & Jerry, Tom & Jerry…