i need your opinions on this situation

In My Humble Opinion
1

ok, i have a problem that i need outside opinions on. everyone involved, including myself, is too upset to be objective.

i am in a Club. in the Club there is a Girl who creates problems and generally acts like a jerk. the Club Director has put her in a position of power because he says that she “does things for the Club.”

and she does. she makes things for the Club, and promotes the Club, and other things. but she also promises to do things and then claims that the Club is not a “priority.” she complains that she does everything, and refuses to let anyone help her. then she takes away our Club Privelages because we did not help. she ruins Club Outings by acting selfishly. she is rude to Members that she does not like (especially anyone who has had or is in a relationship with the Director). she has made me and other Members cry because of her rudeness. she leaves Members out of things just because she doesn’t like them. she gossips about Members she doesn’t like, and then says that we are too gossipy because we don’t like her, but are afraid to say anything to her face. after all, if you stand up to her, you get kicked out of the Club. because of her, many members have quit the Club in recent years.

when our Club participated in a charity event, the Girl cheated. when our club went out of towne to provide our Service, she prevented us from receiving any compensation. (we don’t generally get paid for our Service – this was more like a thank-you for going so far out of our way. it was a six or seven hour drive each way.) last christmas she sold me Materials for our Service (Materials that she insisted i had to have to be in the Club), and she never delivered. i finally got my money back last week.

the Director refuses to get involved in this. he says that it is all personal problems, and he won’t intervene unless her actions affect the Product. i think she already has affected the Product. its quality is suffering.

but that’s not the point. the Director is in charge of the Club. he can do whatever he wants with it, and if he wants to let some Girl run it into the ground because she took his virginity, he can. it’s fine with me, because i won’t be there.

well, that’s not entirely true. i do care. i have enjoyed being a Member of the Club, and it was the source of many special memories. i wish it didn’t have to be this way, but it does. i won’t be the first person to quit the Club, and i won’t be the last. i might be the only person that the Director has specifically asked not to quit, but that doesn’t mean that my leaving will change anything. i really don’t think it will. it’s just that the Club was supposed to be fun, and it’s not anymore. what’s left of it is not worth dealing with the Girl.

but what really bugs me is that the Director is supposedly my friend. he’s been friends with me for more than two years, friends with my fiancé for longer than that, and he’ll probably be the best man at my wedding. and he lets this Girl treat me like dirt. and treat him like dirt.

i’ve tried to talk to him, but all i hear is, “i don’t care, she’s good for the Club.”

i think that a real friend would care. hell, a real man would care. what do you think?

2

How many people are in this club? What would it take to get a petition to have her ousted? If there are problems of that nature, having lots of signatures of people that this affects might open the eyes of the director enough to make him see what is going on. On negative byproduct of this may be that you will hurt the feelings of your friend, the director…is it worth that?

It migh be best for you to leave the club and minimize your losses. Keep in touch with them and re-join at a later date if things are better and “Girl” is no longer in control in her manipulative way.

I think your friend really likes her, and because of his feelings, he is blinded to the negativity. There is probably not much you can do for him, other than to be there when he wakes up. He will need good friends then.

Hang in there!

3

it wouldn’t matter if everyone in the club wanted her gone (because they do, and Director knows it). i think the only way to force her out without going through him would be to have them both forced out via the Building Managers (best code name i could come up with – they oversee us without really being part of the Club. they’re a lot like landlords, sort of.)

anyway, i don’t want to do that to Director, which is why i’ve resigned the Club.

i think you’re right about him having feelings for Girl. i just wish he’d get over her. it’s been a year since they broke up, and he’s had so many better girls since then. his current is a doll.

4

cause i really need advice. please?

5

I understand about your not wanting to go to the Building Managers over this because of your relationship with the Director but maybe that’s what you will have to do.

But don’t do it alone. Get as many people as you can together to approach them. Otherwise, it may seem like just a personality conflict. Approach it from the perspective that she really is damaging the reputation (or is really working on it) of the Club and as concerned and involved members, you do not like to see all your hard work being thrown away or diminished by the actions of one individual.

Basically, you have to ask yourself if being in the Club and having the Club be something you can be proud of is more important (or hell, even as important) as your friendship with the Director. Because if it is, then you are going to have to do something important about it.

6

Your only option is to leave the club and suggest to others (if they are as unhappy with the current situation as you are) that they leave as well.

This putz has got to learn that someone who is unethical and causes bad morale is not ‘good for the club’.

7

And dammit girl when you leave that club go out with a BANG! Tell this girl what you, and the rest of the club think about her. Dont go easy on her look she has even made you CRY. So you better now just bring a letter in, hell you go up to her and tell her how much of a b-itch she is! And dont be scared please do NOT BE SCARED.

8

you don’t know how badly i want to do that! i tried when i demanded my money back, but the best i could come up with was, “this is bullshit.”

9

Cessandra, I think you’re mistaken when you say that it doesn’t matter if everyone else wants her gone, since the Director says he wants her to stay. As long as they act as a team and have a good leader, the majority can have a great deal of influence, even if no individual member has any power.

At the company where I work, we were in a similar situation. Our VP was incompetent, petty and vindictive. He was wasting huge amounts of money, he wasn’t bringing in any sales or partnerships (his main responsibility), he wrecked our company’s reputation with potential investors and kept everyone else from doing their jobs by constantly changing the company’s focus. Our CEO, meanwhile, was (still is, in fact) a technical whiz kid with zero business sense, and had bought the VP’s line of bull hook, line and sinker.

A group of 15 employees (there were only 25 total at the time), including 2 executives, got together to discuss what to do. We agreed to meet with CEO, present him with a list of greivances (actual shortcomings in the VP’s performance. We didn’t mention any personal gripes to avoid making it look like a personal attack), and tell him that we would all resign if the VP weren’t fired or removed from a management position. Enough of us were willing to leave that the company would collapse without us. We met with the CEO, he agreed with our demands, and the VP was transferred to a new position where he no longer manages anyone and doesn’t even come into the office anymore.

Cessandra, meet with the other people in your club and propose that if the Girl does not leave, all of you will. If they agree, go to the Director and present your demands, making it clear that everyone supporting you is committed to leaving if the demands are not met. Be firm and direct, but try to stick with professional reasons why she should leave, and avoid personal attacks.

If it works, then you get what you want, and everybody (except the Girl) is happy. If it doesn’t work, then you should follow through on your promise to resign (if you don’t the Director and the Girl will have absolutely no reason to ever take your complaints seriously again). On the other hand, if everybody feels the same way about her, what’s stopping you all from just starting your own club?

hope everything goes well,

–sublight.

10

i guess, sublight, if i could convince enough people to give up the Club over this. they all hate Girl, but they haven’t given up on the Club.

we have to have a certain thing for the Club which costs $6000. it belongs to the place where we hold our meetings, and without it the Club is pointless.

i sound like i’m just complaining, don’t i? like no matter what you say i’ll just come up with an excuse. damnit, i need to stop talking and act!

Girl asked for help on a project, and, amazingly, accepted my offer. maybe i can get a little support by showing that i’m doing something good for the Club, too.