I along with several other friends are members of an invite only, must be nominated into a meant to be lighthearted and fun association. This association has a set of by laws and adheres to a set of moral and ethical standards and has been in existence for over 50 years. Being a member of this association allows the member certain benefits. One of those benefits is having exclusive access to a showroom of sorts where the history of this association is on display for all the members to see and appreciate. A good friend of mine who I nominated to and was accepted as a member of this association told me the other day he had lent his membership card to a non member so that person could gain access to the showroom reserved only for members.
I was pissed at my friend and my first instinct was to dress him down for first breaking the rules of the association and second cheapening the experience for me and all the members. But as of yet I have not said anything…how shall I proceed??
I should mention if the association be advised of his actions his membership would be terminated
Seems you’ve already answered your own question: the easiest way is to let him know that he’s broken the rules by lending his membership, and that if the association learned of it his membership would be automatically terminated.
I’d just leave out the “cheapening the experience” bit because that’s subjective.
I advised him I was disappointed he would lend his card out. He dismissed it with “everyone has an opinion” I agreed and advised the opinion of the Association would be terminate his membership, the subject was dropped but I have feeling it will come up again.
He is that guy needing someone to tell him good times in life are in part due to him. I wish he would have adhered to the rules instead of seeking an ego stroke.
This seems a little contradictory to me… it’s supposed to be a “lighthearted and fun” association, but there’s blocked-off rooms that can only be accessed by cardholders, which will have their membership terminated if they let someone else use their card? Not that there’s anything wrong with strict membership rules and blocked-off access, but it doesn’t match that description.
Did your friend approach you about joining this association, or did you pursue him? If he understood that it was “lighthearted and fun” as you described, perhaps he wasn’t aware that the closed-off rooms and exclusive access were taken so seriously when he joined.
I was a member for two years before nominating him and he had asked a couple times if I would, I did and incorporated it as part of a Christmas gift. I believed he understood the rules but as stated I think his ego got in the way.
I was hoping to create the context behind the association as being lighthearted and fun but the seriousness of the Assocation is in its by-laws which violated can result in termination of membership.
I dealt with a similar dilemma in my youth. eventually, i had to express my disappointment with my colleague. After all, it’s the first rule of clownsex club: do not let non-initiates in to see the erotic balloon animal display cases.
In that case, he should really know better, then. I thought perhaps it was a situation where Friend A really enjoyed a club/association and wanted Friend B to enjoy it, too, but Friend B didn’t take it that seriously (especially if he thought it was just for “fun”).
Since he pursued membership, he should know and heed the rules. As mentioned above, perhaps you should urge him to nominate any friends he wants to include instead of sneaking them in with his card.
It does sound as though your disappointment is well founded and you should speak your mind. I think any polite and genuine expression of it would be satisfactory. It’s also possible you owe it to the rest of the club to see him booted.
If it is a clear and unambiguous rule with known consequences, then why let him get away with it? Tell the association and let them terminate him. He doesn’t care enough to follow the rules, so he doesn’t care about being a member, as I see it.
What’s in it for you that you are covering for your friend’s transgression? Unless the ‘rules’ aren’t really all that important, though you say there is a moral and ethical aspect to membership. What he did doesn’t seem very ethical and you are now complicit in that.
So is that secret showroom lined with photos of members having their members tended by comely invited female guests? No wonder he wanted to show it off. I’m assuming this is a fun boys-only club? I say report him and have him kicked out.
He is a good friend who let his ego get ahead of him. Having him booted never entered my mind. Within the confines of how I defined the assoc. I believe my confronting him served the needs of our friendship and the assoc.
If this were, hypothetically, the Magic Castle in LA (in existance since 1952) and you were all magicians and your friend was abusing his card, the others would be mightily pissed off. Part of the charm of the group is the fun of the secrecy and the illusions…to let some non-member clown wander through would not only be against the rules, it would be insulting to the group and what they stand for.
Thus, if this were hypothetically a fellow magician, I would make him disappear and consider that rabbit dead to me.
It sounds like he has no class whatsoever, so I think the loss of his friendship would almost be a plus.
