I spent 30 years of my life thinking that I didn’t want anything to do with children. It’s funny how it only took one great kid to make me realize that I’m not anti-child, just anti-bad parents.
I’ve been spending time lately reading to a visually impared little girl at the library, and she is such an awesome kid. She’s 10 years old, and really smart, sweet and appreciative of everything. So far we’ve read The Giver, The Gathering Blue, Animal Farm, and we just started the first Harry Potter book. Luckily, I had read all those books before, so I sort of knew what I was getting into reading them aloud, heh.
The girl is so sweet that if she didn’t already have great parents and if I currently had a wife or girlfriend to help me take care of her, I would totally want to adopt her. It’s made me realize that I really want to adopt a kid someday down the road instead of spending my whole life child-free. It’s been a lot of fun and a real eye-opener for me. I still don’t know if I’d ever be ready to have a biological kid of my own, especially since there are so many kids out there that need a good home and loving parents. But amazingly, I find myself looking forward to the day when I can adopt a child. I never thought that would happen.
How did you end up reading to that kid when you didn’t want anything to do with kids before? Regardless of how it happened, I’m glad it has been such a good experience for you!
I hope that your plan of adopting later in life does work out. I have always been a believer in adoption as well.
I wanted to get into volunteer work, and my therapist recommended this girl to me. I was a bit nervous before meeting her and her family the first time, but since then it’s been a lot of fun.
Have you thought about being a Big Brother? Some cities have a desperate need for them, and waiting lists for kids to get one a mile long. Regardless, good for you!
I think Alice’s idea of considering Big Brothers Big Sisters is very good. I’ve heard that they often have a shortage of male volunteers so little boys tend to wait a long time to get matched with a Big Brother. Sounds like you could really make a positive difference for a youngster!
Considering you just recently broke up and were pretty devastated about it, I think Big Brothers would be a great thing for you to do. It’ll help you pass the time not thinking about your ex, and fill a void of “I need to get hitched and have a kid right now.”
Good on you for your reading project, too. Good man
Are there any kids you’d be able to babysit for a day or two, like neices or nephews? A great way to find out if you’re ready for kids is to see what they’re like when they’re not on their best behavior like they would be in public (sometimes). Definitely look into the Big Brother program, or ones like it in your area.
I think I will look into the Big Brother program as well. Maybe I’ll get lucky and get matched with a kid who likes to LARP, like in that movie Role Models.
Nope, can’t think of any kids that I could babysit for. Although my Granny often watches my cousin’s two kids, so I could go visit her when they’re around more often. Usually I visit her on a day when she isn’t doing much so I can take her out to lunch.
I spent nearly the first 30 years of my life thinking the same way. Then the same switch flipped. My little girl is turning 2 on the 31st. I highly recommend kids. They’re freakin’ hilarious, and it’s amazing to watch them learn and interact with the world.
I’ve heard similar comments from friends after babysitting my 2 y/old daughter. So far (fingers crossed!) she’s a very well behaved, delightful little girl… she has the normal toddler paddies now and again, but generally she’s a pleasure to have around and she’s great with other people.
It’s got to the point that several female friends have arranged to babysit with their boyfriends / husbands joining them, as a way of showing how nice kids can be (in the hope it’ll change the boys’ minds towards fatherhood).
A couple of the lads have later said they didn’t realise kids could be nice, and that it’s not as awful as they thought.
(I then think they ought to come over when the tantrums start over wearing a princess dress in the bath, but a little challenge in parenthood is still part of the fun :))
A word of warning…actually parenting makes you humble. It is the most humbling thing in the world. When you are child free you think “if I had kids, my kids would never…” and “If I have kids, my kids will…”
That lasts…about 42 minutes until the baby won’t latch during breastfeeding and you discover she is an individual with a mind of her own. Until you discover that you don’t have all the time in the world to mold your baby with Suzuki violin lessons and homemade organic meals (or whatever) because you want to SLEEP and maybe read a grownup book. That your charming child does talk back to you. That the influence of classmates can be positive, but often results in birthday parties where your kids get guns or Bratz dolls or overnights where your son got to play violent video games you won’t allow in your house. (We call parents and check when we allow other people’s kids to play them - and they always act surprised that anyone would call).
You love them anyway, when they are yours. And trade perfection (and sometimes less than perfection) for the moments of delight they bring.
There are certainly bad parents - and I’m anti-bad parent myself. But the vast majority of parents are just doing the best they can. And the vast majority of kids are just being kids - and will very likely outgrow the most annoying things about childhood.
Pretty well every parent on earth, if he or she is being honest, has had moments when they were the “bad parent” to outward appearances … and pretty well all of them were certain they never would be.
Presumably you would do your best. The thing with kids is, while of course parents have enormous influence over them, they have their own personalities - and for better or worse, their own priorities. Parents naturally take the blame where their kids do stuff that is less than stellar (and the praise when the kids are stellar), but in both cases it isn’t necessarily obvious that it is deserved …
I’ve been very lucky with my kid, who is a joy to be around and universally popular with adults and other kids alike - my brother, on the other hand, has a very difficult daughter, though he and his wife are very engaged and loving parents - she is very strong willed and prone to melt-downs; is, in short, quite bratty and difficult, disliked by other kids and adults alike (my kid gets along very well with her though).
I do not think I’m a better parent than my brother, though our son is definitely a better advertisement for kids than his daughter - a day out in public with her would have most swearing off parenthood for good. [Though OTOH she is very intelligent and advanced for her age].
To a certain extent it is just the luck of the draw - as a parent you have control, but by no means total control. You do your best, which is all you can do. Bad parents are those who do not do their best, or who are incapable of attaining a decent standard of best.
Another angle to this is that kids can be one way at one stage of life and then completely turn the next. When we were little kids, my brother was a perfectly behaved angel and I was a very strong-willed, bratty holy terror. I truly feel bad for what I put my parents through back then. I don’t think it was anything they did.
As teenagers our roles kind of reversed. He became surly and defiant while I was generally pretty well-behaved.
In adulthood both of us kind of mellowed out. We both were very close with our mother at the time she died. You just never know how things will go.
Regardless of how it happened, I’m glad it has been such a good experience for you!
[Though OTOH she is very intelligent and advanced for her age].