I open my home to you and you steal from me....

The BBQ Pit
1

Of course, I’m the idiot for letting these people stay with me, so I guess it’s my fault, but did they have to steal my camera?

Background…my daughter has a lot of friends who are lost souls…homeless, jobless, kicked out by addicted, abusive parents. All of them are over 18, and most just needed a place to stay for a few weeks until they got back on their feet. We have let them live with us, at great inconvenience…I don’t make enough to feed my own family, and the added mouths were a definite burden. The kids kicked in what money they could, and were very grateful for a warm, safe place to crash. Most of them have remained in touch, and treat me like the mom they wish they’d had (they think I’m stable and sane!).

The last batch was my daughter’s friend, her baby and the boyfriend (not the baby’s daddy). I located a high chair, stroller, carseat, bought diapers and formula, fed them, drove them to job interviews and visitation with the baby’s daddy. When they left, the boyfriend stole my CD player and some of my son’s clothes. That was about a year ago. They just disappeared for a while, and we didn’t pursue the theft because it was a crappy $29 CD player and we didn’t find out about the clothes til later.

But now, I have discovered that my old, Olympus OM-10 SLR camera that my parents bought me before my daughter was born is missing. Not a great camera, but the only one I have, and important to me. I don’t use it often (obviously!) but I just spent $150 on it two years ago to have it fixed, and I’m not able to replace it. And I don’t have insurance. And we didn’t discover it was missing until now. And my son, who loves that camera as much as I do, is livid and out for blood.

The girl has gotten in touch with my daughter again, and claims she know nothing about the theft except that the boyfriend did it the day they moved out (he was here alone, getting the last of their stuff). The boyfriend is now in jail for beating her up, and now I am going to visit him in jail and find out what he did with the camera, in case there is a chance of recovering it.

I am so angry that I was such a fool to allow these kids free access to my home. I’m angry that they repaid my hospitality with theft, and I’m angry that I didn’t notice it was missing sooner so we could have called the police and maybe recovered it. I’m angry that this girl is working as a stripper now, and that she didn’t give that sweet baby up for adoption to a stable family (the daddy and grandma have the baby, they are often homeless too and daddy smokes pot with baby on his lap…I’d report them if I knew where they were or their real names) and I’m just…angry.

So screw you, Jesse. And be glad you are behind bars and I can’t slap your stupid, lying, thieving face.

2

It happened to me, too, at the hotel in which I worked.

One of my managers had an aunt that worked for social services. She asked my manager if we could give a job to a homeless girl and her boyfriend. My manager said yes, and she’d even let them stay in one of our rooms until they got on their feet. They seemed so nice, and were very grateful.

Until the day when the girl was arrested for shoplifting, and gave the hotel as her address, which appeared in the paper. She had lied about why she couldn’t come to work, saying her grandmother (who we later found out died ten years ago) was ill. This angered the manager in the first place, but the worst part was the address in the paper. The manager told them they’d have to leave.

The girl broke everything in the room, cutting the blankets and towels up, and defecating on the floor. Her boyfriend was not there at the time, and when he returned to hear what she had done, he offered to move in with a friend, and work for free until the damages were paid for.

Some people genuinely deserve your sympathy and help, but others deserve the mess they’re in, and will only take advantage of your kindness, and then spit in your face once they’re through with you. It’s very sad.

3

Everything they’ve done to you has already been done to them.

(Yes, I’ve been watching The Color Purple.)

Seriously, that’s just triflin’. From now on, you tell your daughter to do a better job of screening her friends until she can spare her own place.

4

Exactly the same thing happened to a friend of mine. He always opens his spare room to people in need that he meets in bars etc. The last person who stayed in his spare room stole his dear, dear old-coins-collection.
He has learned from that experience, thank god. Anyone who goes like "I am alone on the world and I have no friend her but you, because is immediately sensed that you are so special and all the others are …bastards " should make all your internal alarms go off. They probably alieniated everybody in their past. By stealing their camera’s or crap like that.

These people probably think that life “owes” them goodies. And they see you as part of “life”. Not a a nice individual who went out of their way for them.
Bottomless pits, those kind.

5

I’m so sorry, kittenblue.

Unfortunately I have no guidance to offer. You make your best guess as to whether to trust someone, and sometimes you get burned.

How many guests has your daughter brought home like this? How many have stolen from you? If only the one, then your daughter actually has pretty good judgement.

My only advice is don’t let your duaghter’s judgement be a substitute for your own. But I have no idea if following this advice would have worked or not in this particular case.

6

Boy do I hear you on this one. I let a lot of losers crash at my house when they didn’t have a place to stay and for my trouble I lost most of my jewelry, about half of my CDs, lots of clothes, etc. I also found drug needles under piles of laundry and MAGIC MARKER writing on the walls! People can really suck.

One thing I have to ask though…

I can understand the stable family part given the other things you said (homeless, pot, etc), but I’m not sure A) why you are angry that she is a stripper and B) why that is in the same sentence as the adoption thing… do you think that her being a stripper makes her an unsuitable mom?

7

:eek:

blink

:eek:

8

Hmmmm…

reminds me and Hamish of someone.

Can’t quite put my finger on it.

:mad:

9

My dad had a saying: “Never try to help a lame duck over a fence. It’ll crap in your hands every time.” Sadly, my own experience has shown that to be true far more often than not. That’s why I donate my cash and services to homeless shelters, rather than try to provide for their needs directly.

And having worked with the homeless community for years, I must say that while a significant number of the homeless are that way thru circumstances beyond their control, the majority of them are in their particular situation as a consequence of their own actions.

10

A couple of years ago, my kids were bringing home strays on a semi-regular basis too. Most were good kids who just needed a place to stay for a day or two while they sorted out their issues with mum and dad, but there was ONE who ended up staying for a few months. And over those months so many things went missing (nintendo, cd-player, my expensive cooks knives, money out of my wallet etc etc) that I had to kick the little shit out. Then when he DID leave, he took every damn sleeping bag in the house.

I heard the other day that there are a few other kids who’d like a quiet word with him. As far as I know, he’s still homeless because he refuses to live in a youth hostel. Whatever. I have no sympathy for him any more, but what is worse is that I now refuse to take any kids in because when Aaron stole from us, he stole my trust too.

11

You let drug addicts and criminal/low class types into your home??? God, you were naive! You’re lucky that you got away with a few thefts. You could have ended up murdered or raped or anything. I’m not kidding here!

I would let people like that into my house over my dead body! I would be seriously angry at your daughter putting you in that position if I were you, but I wouldn’t have allowed such people over my threshold in the first place, niether would most people with any sense…

Compassion is fine, but drug addiction+not enough money to pay for habit=theft…everyone knows this! That is why you don’t let drug addicts past your garden gate let alone past the door! Leave the lost soul helping to the professionals folks, that’s what they are there for, it is not a job for amateurs.

I sincerely hope you have learned your lesson about this…I’m sorry you had your trust abused and had to learn the hard way.

12

Infectious: random stranger drug addicts, I agree. I won’t abandon a friend, however. At this point, I wouldn’t let them stay with me either–but I have a kid and stuff now. Back then I didn’t have a lot that was worth anything… milk crate furniture and a run down pile of crap rental house…

I’d rather they were sleeping on my couch and stealing a CD here and there than getting raped by some sleazy guy who picked them up and promised a place to stay for the night…

13

At least most of them seemed grateful for what you’ve done for them. I myself could not have done that. I trust no one, sorry. I agree that it’s better to just donate $ to people who know what they’re doing.

I don’t agree that the majority of the homeless are there through the consequences of their own actions though. I see it the opposite way, a lot are there through their own actions, but most are there through circumstances beyond their control.

Either way though, no one should end up homeless.

All that said, I can’t sympathize with those who repay kindness with theft, spitting in your face and then shitting on you. Homelessess would be too good for that sort. Mwhaa…

14

Wow. I could never do something like that! Heck, my last housemate, whom we’d known for a year and thought was pretty decent, even stold from us when we asked him to move out - after that, I CERTAINLY wouldn’t trust a stranger not to do the same thing!

15

Well, kittenblue, it truly warms my heart to know that people like you still exist. I am also sorry about your camera. It obviously holds a lot of sentimental value for you. Unfortunately, that’s how things go. You help 10 people, one of them will be an ungrateful bastard and repay your generous hospitality and kindness with malice.

My own philosophy is that it’s better to trust and be hurt and betrayed from time to time than not to trust.

16

I feel for you. Same basic situation. She called needed a place to stay for a “few” days, “would be so appreciative”. Wife and I talked it over, decided to help her. She shows up at the front door with a dog. Days turned to weeks. Dog ate most of my furniture and crapped on the rest. Asked her to go. Major fight. We suddenly became “assholes”. She left. Left the dog with us. My eight hundred dollar digital video camera somehow went with her.
Never again.

17
  • :: Hmmmm leechbabe sits at work looking at this thread and contemplates evicting leechboys vagrant friend who is currently residing in the spare bedroom and doesn’t appear to want to leave. :: *

Ah well best to let him stay, he’s not a druggie, he is just an annoying git who is constantly getting evicted from rental properties because he spends all his money on upgrading his computer and none on rent. Don’t want to cause a major rift with leechboy while I’m preggers. And annoying git is fairly easy to live with – much like a pot plant he just sits quietly in the corner and occasionally needs food and water.

Still might start top-secret commando mission to get rid of annoying git BEFORE baby arrives.

18

Most pregnant women I have known are pretty militant about getting rid of anything that’s going to clutter up the nest if it is within their power to do so. If the spare bedroom is going to be the baby’s room most pregnant women would be attaching a rocket to the friends ass at this point and telling hubby that’s just the way it’s gonna be. Your forebearance is astonishing.

19

It’s more that I’m choosing my battles. He is still a good friend of leechboys even after he was meant to be the best man and our wedding and just never showed up Grrrrr. So I know there is little hope of my winning any arguements about him, stick to things I have some hope of winning or compromising on eg in-laws.

AND he hasn’t done anything really evil YET. My MIL said last time he came to stay with her for a week he was there for a year and never contributed anything to the household expenses.

20

For a year I lived in an apartment on the beach. It was right on a very busy boardwalk where tons of people went (Mission Beach in San Diego.) There weren’t any decent bathroom facilities nearby so we would let people use our toilet. That is until someone stole all of our shampoo, soap and toothpaste. Nice repayment for kindness, asshole. We were starving students at the time and it hurt.

Haj