What did you do?
This is a person who say comes for what you thought would be a short visit of say an hour or so but 6 hours later is still there sitting on your couch and wont take the subtle hint.
Or it could be the relative who needs a place to chill for a couple of days and is still there a week later.
Ever had that happen?
What did you do?
I’ve had several of the first type. I said “It’s been nice to see you, but I have other matters to attend to/work in the morning/porn I really want to watch, so we’ll have to call it a night.”
Begin preparations for a messy and/or noisy home improvement project, suggest they help out since the project will be run through the guest room they are “chilling” in, and chances are they will find an alternative house.
For the “six hour” people, I’ll drop a few hints and then just tell them to leave. I get crabby when I’m tired.
I no longer let possible “week later” people stay overnight even for one night. I’ve gotten screwed over too may times. Usually I had to give them money to get them to leave.
Why do/did I do it? Because saying “no” is almost impossible for me. Because I’m overly empathetic. Probably because I want to be liked, although I know very well that I won’t be.
I had a dear friend come over for a visit but after several hours I was done. We had come to a natural stopping point (just finished watching an episode of a TV show) so I thanked her for coming and told her I’d see her next week.
‘Guests are like fish. They stink after three days.’ 
For the 6 hour people I will drop hints, then tell them to let themselves out as I am done.
Never had the multi day crowd.
The six hour people are relatively easy. You just go with the “Well, this has been a great day but I’m tired and I need to get to bed. We’ll have to do this again sometime.”
It’s tougher with the stay-over guests. Tell them you’re going to bed and they’ll still be there in the morning. You have to come up with something like “It’s been great having you visit. But I have to leave to go see the eclipse in two days so you’ll have to go home.”
The basic principle is that you have to establish that their presence in your home was a temporary condition that would be ended by some event (you going to bed, you not being home) and that now that event has arrived.
Getting up in my prime of 46 years, I don’t have a lot of time to spare on pleasantries. It generally goes like this:
[ol]
[li]Well, this has been great. We’ll have to do it again sometime. Come on up here and give me a hug.[/li][li]Now travel to your lawful home, lie down on the bed and/or floor, and go to sleep.[/li]You may return in a fortnight if conditions permit.[/ol]
Nobody visits me.
I’m big, ugly & can be scary if I so chose. So I don’t have the problem. Applies to relatives also. Luck any that are that bad I have never encountered them. I be lucky in the relatives department.
Sponsoring an addict in the recovery process is really hard. Got to on guard all the time and very firm.
My mother-in-law came to help out after the birth of my first child and stayed for 5 years. It took getting my husband to finally concede she wasn’t leaving on her own and having him chase her out before she left. I have a sneaking suspicion that I was the bad guy (Sunny doesn’t want you here any more), but I don’t give a flying fuck. She’s gone.
Wow. You win the thread.
I wonder if it was some variation of “Thank for helping with the newborn. But now that she’s in school, why don’t you go home.”
Speaking of which, did she still have a home to go to after five years? It’s a bad sign when a guest staying in your house sells their own house. My sister went through that. She finally moved out of the city and sold the house to get everyone out.
I haven’t had the overnight houseguest who doesn’t leave problem, but occasionally the casual visitor overstays. When that happened recently, I provided some snacks; when those were gone I said, “so sorry I don’t have more refreshments; I didn’t know you’d be here so long so I didn’t plan ahead. My apologies for being a bad host.”
And then: “you are welcome to stay as long as you like; I need to go for a run now as I haven’t exercised in a few days and really need to make sure I don’t fall too far behind my goals. Please, feel free to hang out, but I am going out. Let me say my goodbyes now, in case you are gone when I get back.”
In 1976, my college roommate allowed a ne’er-do-well cousin to stay with us for a “few days” in our apartment. After 2 weeks we coaxed him into the car, took him to the bus station, and told him to pick any city and the ticket was on us. We presented him with his pre-packed (by us) suitcase and said farewell. His protests over his remaining stuff were met with a promise to ship everything when we received his new address.
We are currently facing some pressure regarding homeless and unemployable relatives. Their current couch-providers are growing weary and hinting that it’s “our turn”. When asked whether we could help, mizPullin offered to google up a list of the really good dumpsters around town.
You have to be hard-hearted or you’ll end up with permanent freeloaders.
I have been that person. Thinking back I really ought to have realised.
Because I don’t drive, and I need a lift home, I have on occasion not taken the first available at a reasonable hour, and instead had to wait for the next, which was unexpectedly many hours later.
When my daughter relocated from Virginia back to western PA, my gf and I offered her a place to stay. She accepted and spent about 8 months with us.
Ten days after my daughter moved in, I got a call from my son in Florida. He asked if he was also invited to visit and I told him of course (assuming his visit would occur after his sister moved out). Turns out he was calling from an airport in Georgia. He had a “long story he didn’t want to get into over the phone” and wanted me to get him tickets on the next flight to Pittsburgh. Boy, one way tickets on the day of travel are pricey.
Having both kids around was hectic, but fun. My son eventually tired of having to help with chores, and one day he told me he was ready to return to Florida. A few months later, my daughter had a job and apartment and she (and her dog) moved out. Then I began missing them.
I hate it when people say “Lets leave” but continue to talk, talk, talk.
Sometimes you have to actually physically push people out the door.
My usual “six hour” overstayers are a couple of my friends who have Asperger’s. So the polite nonverbal cues don’t usually work very well.
So it’s : “We need to go to bed soon. Time to go.”
Then : “Yes, that is an interesting digression, but perhaps we can talk about ancient Egyptian leave-taking customs another time.”
Then : “I am glad you do recognize your tendency to keep talking too long, sometimes.”
Then : internal screaming “I’m too tired to care. Goodnight.”
You must be an extremely patient person. Five freaking years! I love my MIL dearly and she’s a very kind, sweet person but I will take her in doses of a few hours at a time, I cannot even begin to comprehend anything longer than that, but then again, I feel that way about everyone. Please come visit, and don’t forget where the door is.