I don’t have this problem. I’m very good at gently but firmly getting people to leave when it’s time (when I think it’s time). I don’t have overnight guests.
I also have absolutely no problem getting people off the phone. “I’m so sorry. I’d LOVE to chat some more, but I absolutely HAVE to go! Bye-bye!” <Hangs up> I don’t understand why people can’t do this.
So, what do you do when your unwanted guests get started on a home improvement project in their bedroom on their own initiative?
Yes, this actually happened to my parents once.
What kind of home improvement project?
(Back on topic)
The first happened to me once when I was a kid. A friend wouldn’t leave. Finally, I told her my mother would be home soon, and she could leave when I told her or when Mom did.
She left.
Ugh.
Mine was shortly after college. My boyfriend and I were living together in a small, shitty one bedroom apartment. A friend of his needed a place to stay “just until he could find his own” and so was going to use the hideabed in our living room - which took up the whole room when pulled out - six weeks later, his girlfriend had somehow moved in (well, I know exactly how, she showed up and didn’t leave) and they were having sex in my bed - the hideabed having been broken from the last athletic event they held on it. I lost it. I have no idea where they ended up on short notice, but they were gone that afternoon.
We’ve had friends crash on our couch at different times, ostensibly on a temporary basis until they found a place of their own. All ended up staying for months, first one we kicked out because there was no way we were going to let him be here by himself while we’re out of town. Second one left on his own accord but returned to steal a bunch of DVDs, CDs, and video games. Third & fourth (friend and her boyfriend) I had to give the boot because their presence got to the point where they were driving my SO nuttier than usual.
Oh, that first guy? He eventually found his way back into the complex, with another of our friends. She didn’t believe us when we tried to warn her about his antics.
Converse story;
(Lots of details)
I stayed at my ex girlfriends house/moms house for a while when building my apartment, I was invited and even did the laundry, cleaned (they always left a mess) and cooked, did a huge amount of repair work on their house for nothing more than material costs (mounting stuff, repairing computers and network, re-tiled/grouted part of a bathroom, drywalled, fixed a hole in their house, got rid of mice and sealed entryways, built them a garden, sealed windows, rewired and mounted new lights, fixed minor car problems, organized their garage, fixed parts of deck, cut grass, patched concrete, fixed windows, not to mention coaching her mother through her anxiety disorder/medication change… its goes on and on…) and didn’t take up much space, kept my stuff in a knapsack and organized, was respectful, quiet… literally the best house guest you could ever ask for (so I am told)… Guess what happened… this invited guest got kicked out to sleep on an unfinished slab of apartment subflooring because her mom and sister wanted to walk around without bra’s on. Yes, that was the reason I was given and given that house full of women and how I knew them, it was the truth. They didn’t even tell me to my face, they had to pass the message along through my ex, and I couldn’t even pick up my stuff for a week. I still dated her for 6 more months and she moved into my apartment uninvited, i dealt with it for a bit because it was a relationship, until I got fed up with the bullshit. One day I just told her in these exact terms “Our time together is spent, its time for you to move back to your ma’s, it’s over. I didn’t ask you to move in, I can’t deal with you complaining all the time and crying about everything, nothing is ever good enough for you, your drinking is out of hand and I frankly don’t want to do the things you want to do*, take what you need and I’ll drop the rest off at your mothers’, Bye!”
*Hide food because she was insecure and afraid she would eat it and get fat
*“Going Out” meant extensive biking, hiking or exercise related stuff
*Her friends are airheads and snobs/promiscuous
*Even when out, the gossiping wouldn’t stop
*Bars Bars Bars, although she knows I don’t drink (used to) and find drunk strangers repulsive and angering/always have to almost get in a fight with some guy who hits on her.
Add this; she never cleaned the place she lived in for free either, I did everything, cooking, cleaning, sewing her clothes, fixing stuff, writing school papers for her… I put up with too much. Now I am single, and sure not getting laid, but not hard up and much happier alone!
What goes around comes around, even if unintentional.
Me either, they always leave piss on the seat or screw something up, only if they spend the night this stuff seems to happen.:mad:
Not bothering to copy the whole story. But no matter how good a guest you are, you’re still a pain in the ass. Fishes are delicious, they still stink after 3 days.
I mean you got sex from your house guest, and you still kicked her out.
Fair points. I honestly think she place more value on sex than I did… It’s not on my list of priorities and I am a male (stereotype doesn’t work in my case). So maybe it bothered the hell out of her when I kicked her out, thinking that she gave me sex and I got rid of her… Who knows… I like the fish analogy!
My problem guest is my brother. It’s not that he doesn’t leave, but he comes back way too often. I’d be fine with him coming up for Thanksgiving or Christmas and maybe another day or two here and there, but it’s gotten a little out of hand over the last couple of years. It seems like he’s in the Bay Area every 6 weeks or so and of course my place is a perfect place to stay (it’s free!) We get along okay but the more often he stays the less tolerant I get of his…shall we say, quirks.
When I start yawning, people get the hint. As for long term guests, twice at my explicit invitation I have had children of friends who have moved away stay in the guest room for a school year. Both worked wonderfully well. In one case, he was finishing law school and now I have free legal advice for life. Anyway, he spent most nights at his GF’s, now wife. And was most helpful around the house.
So, did he give you a forwarding address?
Mom bought a house for me to live in in University and we rented out the other bedroom to generate some income. I had a couch surfing friend of a friend spend a night on my couch, and when the next day came and he implied that he was going to be staying again, I shut it down quickly by telling him that that wouldn’t be fair to my tenant. He took it alright. He was bright and handsome, I wonder what happened to him.
No we never heard from him. If he contacted my roommate, it was after we parted.
I just bluntly say (but in a polite and friendly tone) something like “Right, I’m going to throw you out now, because [whatever reason]”
Reasons might be “It’s bedtime”, “I have to do something else” or just “it’s time you were leaving”
So I run a geeky social club that does an annual charity event in memory of my little sister, and pretty much spend the entire year promoting it.
This year, to help offset travel costs, we were making sock zillas (so cute) with the help of volunteers, at the Geek Gala HQ (aka our house.) Each zilla takes about 2-3 hours to make, especially when folks are making them for the first time, and there are a lot of moving parts between helping 5-8 volunteers find their scissors, needles, thread, zilla stuffing, etc. So after 3 hours, and with my health issues, I’m done. Most people were good about heading out once their zilla was finished - but sometimes if someone showed up late, or were a slow crafter, we’d have some delays - but GGHQ has always been kind of a help-yourself place - and so I would take my meds and put my feet up and they would focus and finish up and leave and then we would stumble to bed.
Except this one volunteer who showed up late, wouldn’t let me explain how to make them because he knew everything, wouldn’t let others show him, and literally stayed almost 2 hours after everyone left. I have no problem when it’s someone coming for a visit, I do like the rest and say “okay - time to go - kthxbai” - but when it’s someone volunteering to help out our charity event - it gets more awkward. Both my hubs and I told him we had to go - and he kept saying, “almost done - almost done” but the cake was a lie.
Still haven’t been able to get someone to “adopt” his damn zilla either. 
Sorry - that was really, really long!
I may have been once a guest who wouldn’t leave and it bothers me. I’ll never know, though.
In June 1995, I met girl at University. She was a year older than me but we had some teachers in common and, after a class, we started talking. She had a room in a dorm 5 minutes from the campus. I visited her one afternoon and ended up staying and chatting until… midnight ?
Throughout that Summer, I would drop by 2-3 times a week and stay for hours. I’m pretty sure that I asked her several times whether it was ok for me to stay and she always said yes. On the other end, she was quite shy, so perhaps she didn’t dare say anything 
.
As you’ve probably guessed, she was quite attractive so I mildly tried to chat her up. Little things like offering my hand as we crossed a street, or giving her a kiss on the cheek. She never reciprocated but didn’t seem to mind either. She did lay her head on my shoulder a few times while we were talking on her bed late at night but perhaps she was just tired and desperate for me to leave :o.
Anyway, she went on holiday later that Summer and met a guy there. For my part, I met a girl in November, and this ended up being a long-term relationship, so we lost contact.
When I got married, my wife’s parents came over from China. My wife already owned a house. I was renting, so we decided to move into her house. We allowed her parents to stay in the house and house sit for 2 weeks while we went on our honeymoon. Then they decided to stay through Christmas, then Chinese New Year, etc.
We finally got rid of them when I pointed out their visas would expire after 6 months and if they overstayed, they would have a difficult time getting new ones to return in the future. They stayed right up to the wire. My wife has a hard time saying no to her family.
Brooms work pretty good.