Often we have invited guests show up at 12 noon or so just for hopelfully a short visit…At other times we have guests who just call up and say "we’d like to come over for a little while.
And often they stay and stay and stay…Now we assumed that they would stay one or 2 hours to visit and then leave. But when they don 't, what do you folks say or do so you can get these people to leave without hurting their feelings…My wife and I find this difficult to do.
I think citing some prior engagement is the most commonly used method. Usually telling them that you have some household chores to attend to should be enough for them to take the hint.
My parents turned up today at noon to pick up my old dishwasher. I thought they were going to get the shwasher, have a coffee, and leave. They finally left at 9.30 after I’d cooked them two meals, they’d had a nap for an hour, and I’d given them several glasses of wine. And I am broke this month. I love 'em, but my mother can be quite wearing.
However, unlike others in the thread, I don’t like fudging the issue. Even if I predicate it on a lie, I give clear criteria. If I had really really wanted my parents to leave today I’d have just said “it’s been really lovely to see you, but I have to [insert excuse], so I’m terribly sorry, but you need to be out of the house by [insert time]”. It’s perfectly reasonable to request this, in my Miss Manners world, epecially if you give the guests their deadline in no uncertain terms.
I have friends that do this, and I always think it’s rude and it always rubs me the wrong way even though it’s done in that “wink-wink nudge-nudge” sort of manner.
I couldn’t imagine feeling like my parents stayed too long though. I would love to have my parents over. I know my mom wishes I would live with her, lol, so I doubt she’d ever think “Wont he just leave, already”
How in the world can you people get sick of your kids and your parents?
I can take about 4 hours, per year, of my mothers detailed inventory of my faults, her health, my living relatives’ faults, her health, my dead relatives faults, her health, her neighbors faults, her health, her friends faults, her health, my fathers faults, her health, the governments faults, her health, young people today’s faults, and her health. While Dad is glaring at my husband for not dancing to their tune.
The kids? I love 'em, but there are so many of them, and the grandkids are fabulous, but I’d be much happier if the whole damn herd wasn’t there at the same time (5 stepkids, 3 ex-stepkids, plus spouses and children. That makes for a houseful)
I love my daughter a great deal( Shes married with 2 kids. But when she calls me…I’m putting aside 45 min of her talking until I come up with " Dinner is ready…the other phone is ringing.
When she comes over alone or with her kids 7 and 11, she stays until 11pm or longer if I let her.
When I tell her these things, she says Dad, "just one more thing" and there goes another 10 minutes.
I take it what you’re objecting to is the “chuck you out” bit?
If someone says to me “so could you please leave?” this makes it sound like I am usurping some kind of control over the situation, such that they must actually request that I leave their home. This is awkward, and puts me in the wrong.
But if someone says to me, winking, “so I’ve got to kick you out,” this makes it sound like they’re firmly in the saddle of the situation as they should be, and they’ve got nothing against my being there per se. This is nice for me, and nice for them, and there is no awkward question of whether I’ve somehow made it seem they owe me more hospitality than they actually do.
The latter option seems much better to me. Do you not read the two options the same way I do, though?
In the evening, it is pretty easy to say, “Sorry, but I have to get up really early for (work/school/doctor’s appointment/etc.) tomorrow, so I have to be getting to bed soon…” and if they don’t take the hint, start turning out the lights.
However, getting rid of someone at 2 in the afternoon takes some imagination…going to the boss’s birthday party, meeting friends for a movie, dinner reservations…I always make sure it is something that really can’t be cancelled easily and that it would be rude for them to insinuate as such.
I figure it is a graceful exit - I give the guest at least an hour or so to still hang around, and if need be, I actually then get dressed, or put on my coat and leave with them and go do some grocery shopping or something to get out of the house with them.
