Is there a polite way to nudge a guest out the door?

In My Humble Opinion
1

Is there a polite way to nudge a guest out the door, when no specific end to an occasion has been set? For more information about this specific case, it’s described below. What could I have done differently?

To draw a brief picture of the situation:
A guest has been invited to come for dinner-casual invite, made a few hours before, and the host mentions having plans for the evening. The guest comes over at 5, the rest of the guests arrive, everyone eats dinner and dessert between 6 and 7:15. Everyone retires to the living room and watches TV for a while. A movie comes on TV.

At about 8, the rest of the guests start the guest exodus, where the departure of one group starts the departure of the other. The lone guest is left, along with the host, her parents and her brother, in the parents’ home. The lone remaining guest is chilling on the couch, watching the movie.

At 9, the host’s brother, with whom she has plans, says he’s ready to go. The host, who didn’t hear him say he was getting ready, asks if he’s leaving now. He says he is. There is confusion, with the lone remaining guest saying that if the host wants to leave, he’s fine with it, because he’s tired. The brother is willing to wait while the host gets ready to leave, but the host tells him to go ahead. It would, after all, be rude to leave a guest.

The host watches her brother, whom she hasn’t seen for some time and wanted to see for a while, go out the door. He’s going to a friend’s house, then to a bar, but she could catch up with him later.

The lone remaining stretches out on the couch and gets comfortable. The movie ends. Having missed the guest exodus, the lone remaining guest stays past the end of the movie. He stays to the end of the TV show that’s on when the movie ends. The guest finally leaves at 11, when the host and her mom remember they have to go buy a birthday card for an occasion the next day.

2

How about saying “I’m sorry, but it’s time for you to leave now”? Always has worked for me. Didn’t seem to leave any hard feelings.

3

Subtlety is lost on someone like that. I would just say that you loved seeing him, but you had plans for later in the evening.

4

In order of… well, something.

  1. Glance at watch often.
  2. Yawn often.
  3. Stand up and say, “Well, I’m glad you were able to drop by.” (What Mrs. Spritle would do.)
  4. Cast an angry glance his way and say, “Don’t let the door hit ya where the good lord split ya!”
5

I empathize with you on that problem.

My wife is one of those professional visitors that you can’t get rid of. If we are at someones house and it is getting late I will hint strongly that it’s time to go. When that does not work I do the watch thing. In winter I will ask if she want’s me to warm up the car. I will even hand her her coat and purse.

I had to sleep on the couch once when nothing was working and I noticed our hosts yawning and doing the watch thing. I simply told her to shut up and come home now or she was walking the ten miles home in the snow.

I have talked to her about this and she claims that she does not notice anything wrong, that I am the one who wants to leave.

She really doesn’t get it.

d

6

I’m gonna share here. Scroll on, by all means.

The other day I exploded at a friend. I’d met him in the public library and said we’d soon come round for coffee, maybe Sunday night - he came round to ours instead, which was great, on his way to Church. We sat and chatted for a while and more time passed and he talked and talked and talked. I understand the need to talk though, as he’s been a little isolated since marriage and doesn’t get much change of company. So it lasted five hours, right through his intended visit to a local church, with we all the time just nodding and “mmm” and "aahh"ing to his various opinions. The way one does. I do disagree with some of what he believes, but that’s just theology - if we all agreed there’d be no need for it to exist. Anyway we finally got him off towards the door at maybe 10.30pm. On the way he mentions a theory I harshly disagree with but which is generally held to be gospel in Christian circles. Having done more than my fair share of polite deference to another’s opinions, I quietly disagree. Which for some reason means he has to start explaining the validity of his beliefs. I don’t care, I just wanna go to bed, if only he’d accept my right not to believe it. But he goes on. He gets closer to me. He goes on. Eventually, entirely uncharacteristically, I yell “F OFF!” and storm off.

He comes through a few minutes later and asks for a hug, which I provide (still shamefully sulky). He’d start the whole conversation off again if he could. Once he’s gone I try to explain myself to my wife and end up in tears. I’m SO shattered and SO tired of people treating Christianity like a game to score points in.

I love all my friends. I love pretty much everyone. But I hear ya. However I would say that it’s a pretty effective method of getting rid of people.

7

Drag out the vacuum cleaner. Works like a charm.

8

I had a friend who I used to go and visit, and when we had worn out our welcome, her husband would stand up, stretch, and say “Honey, I"m going to bed so that these people can leave”. It worked everytime!

When all else fails, you just say “I’d love to have you back soon so we can spend more time together! Tonight I need to go, though, and visit with my brother. I haven’t visited with him in a coons age”. Then you go get his coat and hand it to him. Not rude, just direct.

Zette

9

This was the perfect place to push him out the door. You hug your friend or shake his hand whichever the one you do and you start leading him to the door. Or, you tell your brother to wait while you get a sweater, a pocketbook, some lipstick, anything so that the guest-who-won’t leave gets the hint.

I’ve had friends come over that refuse to leave. When they get up to put away a glass or something I begin walking to the front door while we’re talking. It doesn’t take very long for them to realize you’ve led them to the door and they get leave.

10

Being polite but direct should do the trick: I enjoyed your company and I wish I had more time but unfortunately I need to (prepare for tomorrow, whatever)… I hope we can do it again soon… Buh bye

11

We used to just lock the bathroom. Of course, the guys would just go around to the backyard and use God’s Own Restroom, but the girls would eventually want to leave and the guys would follow.

Sounds like you’re talking about more civilized gatherings, though. Can’t help you.

Dr. J

12

I think I’d use my telephone line, “Sorry to have kept you so long…”

13

Im on the other side, as a guest I’m just straight forward with them & ask them to let me know ten minutes before they want me to go so that I can wrap things up. Works pretty well.

Used to be an old joke where you would come out in your pajamas & hope they would get the message to get going :slight_smile:

14

Feign death.

15

Oddly enough, I think I am the reverse of your unwanted guest. (The OPs that is.) If I ever take someone up on an invite I do my utmost not to outstay my welcome. I just consider it to be the height of rudeness to take advantage of them and very insensitive.

But that’s just me.

Sorry if I outstayed my welc…<slam!>
<pout>
:D:D

16

I think one should make rules for this sort of thing BEFORE the guests come, not after.

17

If someone has stayed 3 or 4 hours after the other guests have left, he is obviously immune to subtle remarks.The only thing to do is be blunt but polite.

“You have to leave now because I have made previous plans, gotta go to bed”… whatever as long as it is simple and factual.

“Let me help you with your coat”

Or as suggested by Grace, physically take them to the door.

18

True story:
When I was a student, I was invited to a function at the British Embassy in Wash DC. Being gauche, my 2 friends and I not only wore totally inappropriate clothing, but hung around after the function had finished, enjoying free booze, etc. The Ambassador, Sir Nicholas Henderson, came up to us and offered to give us a tour of the place. He took us on a verranda and showed us the garden and the house where the Queen stayed when she visited. Showed us the old paintings on the walls. Pointed out his office. Then, by magic, we were at the front door. “So nice of you to come”.

That’s the diplomatic way of doing it.

19

I thought about this in retrospect, but I never set times for people to leave when they come over for something casual like dinner. I don’t want to say “Come over at five, and leave at eight or I’ll release the hounds.” I never thought it would be necessary.

20

You could have turned off the TV.