Wow! I wish I had such a source for cheap shirts. The closest I’ve gotten was catalog returns from Lands End, where you got an extra 20% off if the item was personalized. These ranged from a canvas bag personalized “Kaley” (I’m a guy), to shirts that ranged from “Goose” to “Afredo” (the cowardly waiter). But those cost $5 or so each.
Our local greasy spoon asks for a name, and when your order’s up, the cook calls it out from behind the chest-high counter, quite loudly with a Jersey accent.
I give them a different name every time. Best one? “I’m not wearing any pants back here!”
I’m giggling madly here. I want to be Luis from Midas for a day, dammit!
Freaking brilliant! And outrageously funny. 
Yeah, but not good for anonymity – every once in a while one of the cooks will say “Hey, it’s pants guy! How ya doin?”
This might be a viable solution or just ask her to be more discrete with your name because you are trying to stay anonymous because bill collectors, process servers, etc. are looking for you.
Or “the police” and “the FBI.” When you fib, go for the gusto!
Not everyone lives in Seattle.
I’m saying that instructing the employees that they needn’t bother being nice to their customers might have adverse effects on business which might then come back around and effect the employee’s status as an employee.
Also, murder.
I gather no one else took the OP as a stealth brag that the barista liked him?
Nope. I guess I’m not jaded enough.
That, and the, er, pizzaristas at Dominos know *my *name. And there’s no way in hell they like me. I mean seriously, this is *me *here.
Well, I’m not slamming him for it or anything. I thought it was kinda cute.
All the coffee shop baristas in Brooklyn would want a piece of my ass. Unfortunately for them, I roast and grind my own at home; it’s far better and cheaper!
A lot of people couldn’t sit down for a week afterwards. Respect !
Try getting Miss Barista to pre-order your book. People always disappear when I try and sell 'em my books. Or sell her a time share or bring an Avon catalog with you. Either, she starts avoiding you or you can get rich and quit your day job forever. Win, win.
When asked your name at any establishment that requires a name, simply provide a long, preferably rude sounding, last name and no full first name.
Barista: “Name?”
You: “Mr. I.M. Dinglebarryschittzenpantzer III.”
Barista: “…uh…first name?”
You: “First name’s a little embarrassing sounding, please just use my last.”
Barista: “Can I write ‘Mr. D’ on your cup?”
You: “Certainly.”
Barista: “Ok, Mr. D, what would you like with…”
You: “But, please use my non-abbreviated name in conversation. It’s a sign of respect.”
Barista: “Yes…uh…sir.”
You: “Glad we cleared that up, toots.”
Nope. I paid the Iron Price.
Is THAT what the kids are calling it these days?
To the OP: Whoever recommended the Renfield approach is on to something. His is pretty good, but there’s one that I think would work better. Easier to do at a Starbucks, too.
Try being the other side of the counter; at the cafe I worked in last one of the customers bought in a freakin’ free form poem with all the staffs’ names worked in. It was awful.
Starbucks. Why not go to Dunkin Donuts? Anonymity ensured.
I decided to put this Starbucks rant here instead of starting a new thread.
Preamble: I walk at my local mall early every morning, and Starbucks in the mall is the only thing open. So suggestions that I should go somewhere besides Starbucks can be shelved.
I walk in this morning and NO MENU UP ON THE WALL.
I asked the counter person about it, and she said things like:
There’s a menu online.
People usually know what they want.
If they don’t, the person with them will be able to help them decide.
To which I replied:
I’m not online, I’m standing here.
What if it’s their first time at Starbucks? Surely there are a few left.
I always come alone.
For good measure, I threw in, “When I go to a Mexican restaurant, even though I’ve been there a million times, and all Mexican restaurant menus are basically the same anyway, I still want to see a menu.”
Then she came clean with the real answer, which speaks to the first post: “Starbucks wants us to interact more with the customers and develop relationships. We can offer suggestions-- if you like this then you’ll probably like that.”
IOW, upsell.
Geez Louise, let’s take something that works and :smack: improve it!
I said, “That must be hard when there’s a line out the door.”
She said wistfully, “Yeah, it was really busy yesterday…”