I like comics, but I’ve never actually read Hellblazer. My local bookstore doesn’t carry it, and my attempts to track down a comic store have failed. I keep meaning to start on the trade paperbacks, but other things distract me, so I’ve never read Hellblazer.
But Jesus fucking Christ, even I know a few things. Like that the main character is blond. Also, British. Also, slightly more intelligent than a paving slab. Keanu Reeves, who will be playing Mr. Constantine in the upcoming movie, is tragically none of these things. How he got cast is a mystery known only to the producers and Satan. How the hell did that conversation go, anyway?
“What’s this guy’s name, again?”
“John Constantine, sir.”
“Sounds brunet.”
My hate may seem irrational, but welll…I read the novelization. On a dare, but I read it. And it’s bad. It’s so bad. This movie is going to be so bad. The amount of bad cannot even begin to be accounted for by the fact that novelizations always suck. The plot’s just miserable, the dialogue horrible, and…KEANU REEVES IS JOHN FUCKING CONSTANTINE!! IS NO ONE ELSE SEEING THE PROBLEM HERE???
Sorry, I kinda went a little crazy there for a moment. I’m good now.
That definitely seems to be one horrid piece of casting. I’m still going to see the movie, though, 'cause I love Hellblazer. And no matter how bad it is, it’s never going to be worse than the first draft of the script, in which John Constantine was a superhero.
Nope. Movie’s coming out in a couple of weeks. Teaser trailer’s up online somewhere, if you want to look. His hair is black.
Hair color is a minor concern next to the fact that it’s Keanu Reeves. I was under the impression Constantine was supposed to be this bitter, sarcastic, *intelligent *man.
Nope. Saw the trailer yesterday and it’s his natural colour.
Pers’nally, I didn’t realise this was a comic adaptation, not having heard of it before watching the trailer, but what I saw wasn’t exactly promising. Keanu’s “serious” voice + a zillion special effects stolen off Buffy/Blade. There might be actual dialogue in the movie itself but I don’t think I’ll be forking out London prices to find out.
Also I found out last night that I’m the only person on earth who hated Garden State…
Constantine is going to be the latest comic-book movie train wreck, but unlike Catwoman and Elektra, I actually intend to see it. I know I’m going to lose it and crack up when Keanu whips out that golden cross-shaped shotgun.
For those who haven’t read the Hellblazer comic, John Constantine is British, and that is rather important to the character, since he was a working-class bloke that came out of Thatcher-led England. He is supposed to be over 40, a roguish, cynical bastard who has seen horrible things and survived them all due to his wits. He is a mystic and a con man who has outsmarted angels, demons, and the devil himself. Oh, and he has spiky blond hair. You know… just like Keanu! Dude.
My review of the Comic Adaption of the Movie can be found here. It’s post #20.
I thought about pitting it, but since the casting had been first announced (with Nicholas Cage!!), I had already had my explosion of righteous indignation.
I think John’s (Yes, John, not Constantine) been hovering around 40 since Garth Ennis allowed him to have his 40th about 12 years ago. The most recent couple of issues have mentioned his age a couple of times.
FWIW, sometimes you comics fans might think your world is a little bigger than it really is.
You’re upset at the casting because the main character is not BLOND? What a travesty! How did they EVER LET THIS MOVIE GET MADE? He’s blond in the comic, but in the movie he has (GASP! GASP!) DARK HAIR?? What have they done?
Are you surprised that producers wanted a guy who has made about 3 billion dollars worth of movies in his life?
And I really don’t get why he has to be British either. So he’s a “working class bloke that came out of Thatcher-led England”? Well, now he’s a “working class dude who came out of Reagan-led America”.
I had NO IDEA this was even based on a comic book until I saw the preview for it last night on the big screen and saw the little “dccomics” thing at the bottom.
Now, I’d only seen the TV trailers until last night and thought it looked crappy. After seeing the theater trailer, I actually think it looks pretty cool. I thought, “oh, that’s a pretty interesting idea” so I shouldn’t have been surprised that it was based on a comic book. Much better ideas come out of comic books than hollywood these days.
Get off Keanu on this one, too. I’m not a guy who thinks he’s a great actor, but he’s prefect for some things. . .such as “Bill & Ted” and “The Matrix” and if he’s good enough for that, he’s good enough for your little comic book movie. Newsflash: it ain’t Shakespeare!
Constantine isn’t an action hero, either. He’s sneaky and brilliant. He doesn’t even drive (no chase scenes with him behind the wheel!) so he gets his friends to drive for him - and do other favors for him as well, some of which don’t end up being as benign. He’s well into middle age and has been through unimaginable horrors that show in the lines on his face. He has screaming nightmares about it all, every night.
If fresh-faced Keanu can manage to convince me that he’s not an action hero, that he’s been to hell and back (literally), that he’s seen those he loved and cared for have unspeakable things done to them, then I’ll be really fucking impressed.
If not, then why the fuck did they name it after John Constantine, because now I’m having a tough time seeing a resemblance. Steal the plot like half the Hollywood writers do, file the numbers off it, turn it into “guy growing up in a rough life ends up fighting the forces of hell,” and name it something else. Because I don’t see the point, frankly.
You act like Hollywood owes you something. Like they need to create the characters the way you see them, the way they drew them, the way you want them to be.
I know you’re all smart enough to realize that Hollywood is in it to make money. But you seem oblivious to the fact that they will do that however they want. They buy the rights. Now, they take want they want from the story, add to it, subtract from it, change the ages, locations, titles, names, HAIR COLORS to what they think is going to best suit them.
So, I guess what I don’t get is this feeling of indignation from all of you, like you’re taking it personally that the characters you loved are being changed.
They aren’t making the movie for you. You’re not enough people.
Believe me, I’d rather see some quirky, tricky, grizzled British guy in a starring role, too, rather than some swashbuckling dragonslaying hunk but I’m not righteous enough to pit 'em for doing so.
Really, Keanu is miscast in any film that simply requires lines to be read in somewhat believable fashion. Hair color, ethnicity, and the like are secondary problems.
Even if the character of Constantine was an American with the same physical characteristics as Keanu, just the way he delivers his lines in the TV ads I’ve seen are winceworthy enough for me to give this one a pass.
